Saturday, July 2, 2022

500 Fire Jams (2022 Version)

Yo, fuck it.

We got your Top 500 Most Fire Jams of All Time for your Fourth of July weekend. The G.O.A.T. list.

Just a little over six years ago, a few weeks after we posted the most recent version of 500 Hottest Jams, we already started noticing accidental omissions, strange placements, and even a few WTF choices in the lower stretches that we no longer hear among the GOATs.

We've especially felt the need to revise since Rolling Stone's predictably pathetic 2021 update. Don't believe their lies. We recognize a demand to revise the canon, but not at the expense of burying actual classics to please Twitter stans.

(2021's omissions that appeared in both of RS's previous 500s include "Walk Away Renee," "Don't Worry Baby," "Voodoo Child," "The Letter," "Train In Vain," "She's Not There," and "Paranoid Android." These were removed to make room for "Africa" by Toto, "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk, and bewilderingly overrated capitalism-core like Lorde, Billie Eilish, BTS, Harry Styles, Megan Thee Stallion, Adele, and Eric Church. Clearly, the current editors of RS did a bang up job of locating people who know literally everything there is to know about music, and everyone else in the world should just give up. Thanks to Rolling Stone, "Savage (Remix)" - a song that was literally composed solely for the purpose of trending on TikTok - has been canonized as more culturally, historically, and aesthetically significant than "Walk Away Renee" or "Paranoid Android." Thanks for clearing that up!)

Since then, we kept a long-running tally of favorites, and then re-organized over the past couple months. We considered a "Memorial Day 500" launch, but it's a good thing we didn't jump the gun because we thought of a few more good ones since then.

And then we kept thinking of more. And then eventually we could no longer remove anything!

Full disclosure: We're sorry for this, but this is actually a Top 505 songs of all time. It was too tough to cut any of these. Whoops. (Tell us: What are the five jams would you cut???)

Each one of these fire-as-fuck jams appear with their 2016 placement in parenthesis for easy reference. Things change, although we deemed many of the 2016 placements accurate enough to stay right where they were 6 years ago. (Data analyis coming soon!)

Playlist revisions are happening slowly. As of today, the top 50 is accurate:

(For those who maybe liked the previous 500 better, the order of the 2016 version now lives in a separate playlist.)

1. Aaliyah "One in A Million" (1)
2. Chris Bell "I Am the Cosmos" (2)
3. The Flamingoes "I Only Have Eyes for You" (3)
4. Radiohead "Paranoid Android" (7)
5. The Zombies "She’s Not There" (5)
6. Teenage Fanclub "Everything Flows" (91)
7. Nirvana "Heart Shaped Box" (125)
8. The Notorious B.I.G. "Juicy" (8)
9. Wire "Outdoor Miner" (20)
10. Ghost Town DJs "My Boo" (10)

11. TV On the Radio "Staring at the Sun" (9)
12. Radiohead "Let Down" (4)
13. The Beatles "I’m Only Sleeping" (434)
14. The Association "Never My Love" (17)
15. The Cure "Just Like Heaven" (299)
16. Jimi Hendrix "Castles Made Of Sand" (16)
17. Michael Jackson "Human Nature" (32)
18. The Plimsouls "A Million Miles Away" (19)
19. Nazz "Forget All About It" (69)
20. The Beatles "She Said She Said" (--)

21. The Nerves "Hanging On the Telephone" (14)
22. The Pharcyde "Passin’ Me By" (100)
23. Fleetwood Mac "That’s All for Everyone" (22)
24. At The Drive-In "Pattern Against User" (33)
25. Heatmiser "Christian Brothers" (--)
26. The Notorious B.I.G. "Gimme The Loot" (25)
27. Tears For Fears "Everybody Wants to Rule The World" (35)
28. Weezer "Thief You've Taken All That Was Me" (15)
29. The Beatles "I Want You (She’s So Heavy)" (18)
30. My Bloody Valentine "You Made Me Realise" (182)

31. Beastie Boys "Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun" (12)
32. The Used "Blue and Yellow" (44)
33. Nas "The World Is Yours" (--)
34. Nirvana "Serve the Servants" (27)
35. Pavement "Grounded" (51)
36. Bonnie Raitt "I Can’t Make You Love Me" (36)
37. The Cars "Bye Bye Love" (37)
38. King Crimson "One More Red Nightmare" (67)
39. And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead "Relative Ways" (45)
40. The Left Banke "Walk Away Renee" (119)

41. Jeff Buckley "Last Goodbye" (48)
42. Souls Of Mischief "93 Til Infinity" (321)
43. Can "Oh Yea" (83)
44. Black Sabbath "Neon Knights" (393)
45. Ween "Baby Bitch" (102)
46. Stevie Wonder "All Day Sucker" (29)
47. Rihanna "Needed Me" (--)
48. Todd Rundgren "I Saw The Light" (61)
49. The Box Tops "The Letter" (403)
50. Psychedelic Furs "Love My Way" (65)

51. The Smiths "How Soon Is Now?" (--)
52. Radiohead "Climbing Up The Walls" (52)
53. Beastie Boys "Sabotage" (46)
54. The Beatles "Things We Said Today" (47)
55. The Cardigans "Lovefool" (6)
56. Gin Blossoms "Hey Jealousy" (99)
57. The Ronnettes "Be My Baby" (134)
58. A Tribe Called Quest "Bonita Applebum" (84)
59. Dinosaur Jr "Raisans" (--)
60. Slint "Good Morning Captain" (21)

61. Faust "J’ai mal aux Dents" (50)
62. My Bloody Valentine "You Never Should" (62)
63. The Notorious B.I.G. f/ Puff Daddy & Ma$e "Mo Money Mo Problems" (38)
64. Tracy Ullman "They Don't Know" (26)
65. Blur "Coffee + TV" (98)
66. Big Star "September Gurls" (66)
67. The Replacements "Alex Chilton" (351)
68. The Beach Boys "Don’t Worry Baby" (23)
69. Jimi Hendrix "Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" (77)
70. No Age "Teen Creeps" (70)

71. Patsy Cline "She’s Got You" (223)
72. SWV "Right Here (Human Nature)" (13)
73. A Tribe Called Quest "Electric Relaxation" (159)
74. Deftones "Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)" (--)
75. Beastie Boys "So What’Cha Want" (64)
76. Dusty Springfield "Just A Little Lovin’" (151)
77. Hum "If You Are To Bloom" (224)
78. Eric B & Rakim "Let The Rhythm Hit ‘Em" (54)
79. Van Halen "Unchained" (113)
80. Maren Morris "80s Mercedes" (--)

81. Metallica "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)" (271)
82. Prince "The Beautiful Ones" (82)
83. The Velvet Underground "Heroin" (210)
84. Sleep "Dragonaut" (108)
85. Miguel "Adorn" (85)
86. Weezer "Let's Sew Our Pants Together" (86)
87. Mariah Carey "Dreamlover" (324)
88. David Bowie "Sweet Thing / Candidate / Sweet Thing (Reprise)" (63)
89. Stevie Wonder "We Can Work It Out" (89)
90. Glen Campbell "Gentle On My Mind" (132)

91. Adina Howard "Freak Like Me" (59)
92. Hall & Oates "Say It Isn’t So" (120)
93. The Temptations "Cloud Nine" (93)
94. Fleetwood Mac "Little Lies" (153)
95. Aaliyah "If Your Girl Only Knew" (72)
96. Pearl Jam "State of Love and Trust" (264)
97. The Cardigans "Erase / Rewind" (97)
98. The Clash "Train In Vain" (202)
99. Soundgarden "Fell On Black Days" (199)
100. Midlake "Young Bride" (106)

101. Bell Biv Devoe "Poison" (11)
102. Kate Bush "Running Up That Hill" (--)
103. The Posies "Dream All Day" (103)
104. Jimi Hendrix "Are You Experienced" (160)
105. Bob Dylan "Like A Rolling Stone" (203)
106. Dinosaur Jr "Forget the Swan" (--)
107. My Bloody Valentine "Lose My Breath" (232)
108. The Beatles "Helter Skelter" (399)
109. Heatmiser "Everybody Has It" (--)
110. Nirvana "Milk It" (147)

111. Elliott Smith "Alameda" (126)
112. Thin Lizzy "Got to Give It Up" (--)
113. KP & Envyi "Swing My Way" (192)
114. Rihanna f/ Drake "Work" (441)
115. Devo "Smart Patrol / Mr. DNA" (78)
116. Pete Rock & CL Smooth "They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)" (283)
117. Glen Campbell "Wichita Lineman" (179)
118. Minutemen "Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing" (118)
119. LL Cool J "Mama Said Knock You Out" (49)
120. Black Sabbath "Children of the Sea" (359)

121. Wu-Tang Clan "C.R.E.A.M." (141)
122. The Beach Boys "In My Room" (289)
123. Green Day "When I Come Around" (173)
124. The Replacements "Unsatisfied" (112)
125. Prince "Little Red Corvette" (464)
126. Guided By Voices "Overloaded" (--)
127. Hall & Oates "I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)" (88)
128. The Saints "Stranded" (409)
129. Radiohead "Subterranean Homesick Alien" (129)
130. Teenage Fanclub "Alcoholiday" (--)

131. The Beatles "Dear Prudence" (131)
132. The Undertones "Teenage Kicks" (155)
133. The Nerves "When You Find Out" (133)
134. Smashing Pumpkins "Obscured" (208)
135. Deftones "Minerva" (135)
136. Neil Young + Crazy Horse "Fuckin' Up" (180)
137. Neneh Cherry "Buffalo Stance" (76)
138. My Bloody Valentine "Don't Ask Why" (--)
139. Pixies "Monkey Gone To Heaven" (165)
140. Counting Crows "A Long December" (189)

141. Nicki Minaj "Come On a Cone" (109)
142. Todd Rundgren "International Feel" (207)
143. Nirvana "Breed" (68)
144. The Shins "Kissing the Lipless" (--)
145. Mindforce "Excalibur" (--)
146. The Stooges "Search and Destroy" (415)
147. The Cars "You’re All I Got Tonight" (252)
148. Wire "Map Ref 41 Degrees N 93 Degrees W" (148)
149. Led Zeppelin "Fool in the Rain" (188)
150. Carly Rae Jepsen "Boy Problems" (--)

151. Sarah McLachlan "Building a Mystery" (--)
152. Jimi Hendrix "Little Wing" (250)
153. D’Angelo & The Vanguard "The Charade" (53)
154. The Clash "The Guns of Brixton" (288)
155. Metallica "Disposable Heroes" (--)
156. Janet Jackson "Escapade" (277)
157. Carole King "I Feel the Earth Move" (157)
158. Prince "If I Was Your Girlfriend" (--)
159. Hum "Green To Me" (335)
160. The Zombies "Time of the Season" (31)

161. Emmit Rhodes / Merry-Go-Round "You’re A Very Lovely Woman" (161)
162. Jennifer Paige "Crush" (162)
163. Aphex Twin "Curtains " (--)
164. Fiona Apple "Criminal" (105)
165. Wilco "I Am Trying to Break Your Heart" (--)
166. Grateful Dead "Casey Jones" (280)
167. David Bowie "Changes" (167)
168. Nirvana "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle" (171)
169. Pavement "Newark Wilder" (107)
170. Smashing Pumpkins "Today" (389)

171. Pearl Jam "Corduroy" (292)
172. Four Tops "Standing In The Shadows Of Love" (172)
173. Tears For Fears "Head Over Heels" (378)
174. The Rolling Stones "Let’s Spend the Night Together" (246)
175. King Crimson "Starless" (--)
176. Cheap Trick "I Can’t Take It" (201)
177. Radiohead "The Tourist" (477)
178. Japan "Ghosts" (42)
179. Ata Kak "Obaa Sima" (--)
180. Jimi Hendrix "Manic Depression" (467)

181. Minutemen "History Lesson Part 2" (281)
182. My Bloody Valentine "Drive It All Over Me" (--)
183. Blur "Sing" (219)
184. Soundgarden "My Wave" (--)
185. Guided By Voices "As We Go Up We Go Down" (185)
186. Nirvana "Endless Nameless" (101)
187. Michael Jackson "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)" (81)
188. Christina Aguilera "Genie in a Bottle" (230)
189. Prince "When Doves Cry" (497)
190. Stevie Wonder "Superwoman" (255)

191. Talking Heads "Once In a Lifetime" (402)
192. Real Estate "Crime" (253)
193. The Crystals "Then He Kissed Me" (60)
194. The Kinks "Sunny Afternoon" (194)
195. No Age "Genie" (263)
196. Dinosaur Jr "Get Me" (--)
197. The Jackson 5 "I Want You Back" (282)
198. Link Wray & His Wraymen "Rumble" (206)
199. Deftones "Rx Queen" (262)
200. The Cure "A Forest" (--)

201. Radiohead "Backdrifts" (439)
202. Bruce Springsteen "Tunnel of Love" (--)
203. And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead "How Near, How Far" (392)
204. Ted Leo + The Pharmacists "The Ballad of the Sin Eater" (204)
205. Failure "Undone" (340)
206. Stevie Wonder "As" (110)
207. David Bowie "John I’m Only Dancing" (243)
208. The Beatles "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" (234)
209. Prince "Pop Life" (184)
210. Green Day "Longview" (323)

211. Lil Wayne featuring Babyface "Comfortable" (285)
212. My Bloody Valentine "I Can See It (But I Can’t Feel It)" (361)
213. Hall & Oates "One On One" (269)
214. Motorhead "Ace of Spades" (370)
215. Britney Spears "Baby One More Time" (--)
216. Mobb Deep "Shook Ones, Part II" (374)
217. Smashing Pumpkins "Mayonaise" (--)
218. Heatmiser "You Gotta Move" (--)
219. Sheryl Crow "My Favorite Mistake" (--)
220. Big Black "Kerosene" (220)

221. P.M. Dawn "Set Adrift On Memory Bliss" (347)
222. Jeff Buckley "Grace" (424)
223. Badfinger "Day After Day" (--)
224. Weezer "Falling For You" (128)
225. Maren Morris "My Church" (--)
226. Rush "Limelight" (456)
227. Beck "Outcome" (279)
228. DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince "Summertime" (104)
229. Local H "Bound For The Floor" (--)
230. Elvis Costello "Alison" (137)

231. Rihanna "Same Old Mistakes" (--)
232. Rod Stewart "Maggie May" (--)
233. Elvis Presley "Suspicious Minds" (--)
234. Four Tops "Baby I Need Your Loving" (329)
235. Stone Temple Pilots "Plush" (--)
236. Pill "Trap Goin Ham" (426)
237. Hall & Oates "Private Eyes" (196)
238. P.M. Dawn "I’d Die Without You" (142)
239. The Who "I Can See For Miles" (239)
240. My Bloody Valentine "Feed Me With Your Kiss" (309)

241. The Turtles "You Showed Me" (385)
242. Ratt "Nobody Rides For Free" (--)
243. Michael Jackson "Stranger In Moscow" (117)
244. Weezer "Undone - The Sweater Song" (305)
245. Liz Phair "Stratford-On-Guy" (138)
246. The Beatles "Long Long Long" (--)
247. Mott The Hoople "All the Young Dudes" (209)
248. Ashlee Simpson "Pieces of Me" (469)
249. D’Angelo & The Vanguard "Another Life" (319)
250. Pixies "Hey" (150)

251. Metallica "The Four Horsemen" (--)
252. Blue Oyster Cult "Burnin’ for You" (296)
253. Veruca Salt "Aurora" (92)
254. Cream "Badge" (254)
255. Bobby Brown "On Our Own" (40)
256. The Beach Boys "Feel Flows" (169)
257. Carole King "So Far Away" (257)
258. Jimmy Eat World "Work" (--)
259. Big Star "Holocaust" (156)
260. The Byrds "I’ll Feel a Whole Lot Better" (260)

261. Screaming Trees "Nearly Lost You" (--)
262. Joy Division "Leaders of Men" (377)
263. Kylie Minogue "Love at First Sight" (417)
264. Neil Young + Crazy Horse "Cinnamon Girl" (387)
265. Raekwon "Ice Cream" (369)
266. The Beach Boys "Wouldn’t It Be Nice" (266)
267. Toadies "Possum Kingdom" (214)
268. Failure "Dirty Blue Balloons" (268)
269. Radiohead "Polyethylene (Parts 1 & 2)" (168)
270. Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield "What Have I Done To Deserve This" (183)

271. The Replacements "The Ledge" (--)
272. Pink Floyd "See Emily Play" (438)
273. Gin Blossoms "Found Out About You" (459)
274. T’Pau "Heart and Soul" (274)
275. The Hollies "Look Through Any Window" (275)
276. Ovlov "Where’s My Dini" (225)
277. Kanye West f/ Kendrick Lamar "No More Parties In LA" (--)
278. Pearl Jam "Go" (--)
279. Deftones "Change (In The House Of Flies)" (222)
280. Jimi Hendrix "1983 (A Merman I Should Turn To Be)" (111)

281. Prince "The Ballad of Dorothy Parker" (--)
282. Against Me! "Borne On The FM Waves Of The Heart" (75)
283. The Easybeats "Friday On My Mind" (136)
284. Radiohead "Pyramid Song" (412)
285. The Kinks "I Need You" (372)
286. Kenny Rogers "Ruby Don’t Take Your Love To Town" (186)
287. Pavement "Ann Don’t Cry" (190)
288. The Beatles "Martha My Dear" (149)
289. Metallica "Master of Puppets" (--)
290. Def Leppard "Hysteria" (170)

291. Soundgarden "Pretty Noose" (--)
292. Miles Davis "On the Corner / New York Girl / etc" (--)
293. Hum "Stars" (354)
294. Phil Collins "In The Air Tonight" (294)
295. Dinosaur Jr "Whatever's Cool With Me" (--)
296. Prince "Purple Rain" (114)
297. My Bloody Valentine "When You Wake You're Still in a Dream" (--)
298. Ice Cube "It Was A Good Day" (298)
299. Dr. Dre feat Snoop Doggy Dogg "Nuthin' But A "G" Thang" (--)
300. Slayer "Seasons In The Abyss" (--)

301. Fetty Wap "Trap Queen" (--)
302. The Replacements "Bastards of Young" (--)
303. The Beatles "You’re Gonna Lose That Girl" (121)
304. Faith No More "Epic" (--)
305. Smashing Pumpkins "Here Is No Why" (71)
306. Nirvana "Hairspray Queen" (468)
307. The Zombies "Beechwood Park" (376)
308. Spacehog "In The Meantime" (211)
309. Mark Morrison "Return of the Mack" (34)
310. David Bowie "Space Oddity" (174)

311. Mulatu Astake "Yekermo Sew" (--)
312. *NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye" (380)
313. Aphex Twin "White Blur 2" (--)
314. The Doors "The End" (331)
315. The Cardigans "Hanging Around" (251)
316. The Supremes "You Keep Me Hangin’ On" (316)
317. Unwound "Demons Sing Love Songs" (--)
318. Til Tuesday "Voices Carry" (--)
319. Santana & Michelle Branch "The Game of Love" (24)
320. My Bloody Valentine "Nothing Much To Lose" (80)

321. Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood "Some Velvet Morning" (154)
322. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers "A Thing About You" (--)
323. The Shirelles "Will You Love Me Tomorrow" (94)
324. Floor "Chelsea/Pigs" (--)
325. The Arcade Fire "The Suburbs" (325)
326. Blur "Bugman" (326)
327. Dinosaur Jr. "Repulsion" (152)
328. Vince Guaraldi Trio "Skating" (39)
329. TLC "Baby-Baby-Baby" (--)
330. Busta Rhymes "Gimme Some More" (318)

331. James Chance & The Contortions "I Can’t Stand Myself" (256)
332. Fleetwood Mac "Everywhere" (404)
333. The Guess Who "These Eyes" (333)
334. Beastie Boys "Gratitude" (334)
335. The Young Rascals "A Girl Like You" (--)
336. Bush "Swallowed" (200)
337. Ciccone Youth "Burnin’ Up" (310)
338. GZA "Liquid Swords" (231)
339. Weezer "I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams" (413)
340. Mary Kate and Ashley "Gimme Pizza Slow" (228)

341. Aretha Franklin "Until You Come Back To Me" (--)
342. The Kinks "All Day and All Of The Night" (453)
343. Prince "She's Always In My Hair" (--)
344. Phil Collins & Philip Bailey "Easy Lover" (166)
345. Helium "Pat’s Trick" (485)
346. Grateful Dead "Box of Rain" (346)
347. Chris Bell "You And Your Sister" (363)
348. Soundgarden "The Day I Tried To Live" (328)
349. Cannibal Corpse "Sentenced to Burn" (349)
350. The Breeders "Divine Hammer" (286)

351. Nicki Minaj "Stupid Hoe" (301)
352. The Cure "Jumping Someone Else’s Train" (273)
353. Yuck "Get Away" (--)
354. Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers "Islands In the Stream" (--)
355. Metallica "One" (462)
356. Ne-Yo "Because Of You" (353)
357. Trinidad James "All Gold Everything" (410)
358. Power Trip "Armageddon Blues" (--)
359. Red Hot Chili Peppers "Breaking The Girl" (449)
360. Berlin "The Metro" (422)

361. Bryan Adams "Cuts Like A Knife" (--)
362. OutKast "Ms. Jackson" (362)
363. Led Zeppelin "Since I’ve Been Loving You" (176)
364. Blake Babies "Girl In a Box" (265)
365. Beak> "Eggdog" (--)
366. Jefferson Starship "Miracles" (217)
367. Radiohead "Morning Bell" (303)
368. Al Green "Let’s Stay Together" (373)
369. Caribou "Melody Day" (457)
370. Pearl Jam "Smile" (302)

371. The Notorious B.I.G. "Ten Crack Commandments" (115)
372. Stereolab & Nurse With Wound "Simple Headphone Mind" (--)
373. Yes "Long Distance Runaround / The Fish" (--)
374. America "Sister Golden Hair" (384)
375. At The Drive-In "One Armed Scissor" (--)
376. The Bangles "Going Down to Liverpool" (247)
377. Buzzcocks "Ever Fallen in Love" (229)
378. The Beatles "No Reply" (447)
379. Tubeway Army "Are 'Friends' Electric" (--)
380. Blue Oyster Cult "(Don’t Fear) The Reaper" (339)

381. Prince "Let's Go Crazy" (233)
382. Underworld "Jumbo" (--)
383. Weezer "The World Has Turned And Left Me Here" (383)
384. Digital Underground "The Humpty Dance" (293)
385. The Cure "All Cats Are Grey" (313)
386. Pavement "Stop Breathin" (336)
387. Crowbar "Existance Is Punishment" (--)
388. Ace "How Long" (391)
389. Beck "Asshole" (74)
390. Love "Alone Again Or" (342)

391. Wayne Wonder "No Letting Go" (443)
392. Mahalia Jackson "He's Got The Whole World In His Hands" (--)
393. Helmet "Unsung" (496)
394. Fiona Apple "To Your Love" (--)
395. Van Halen "Jump" (--)
396. Belle and Sebastian "Like Dylan In The Movies" (--)
397. Patsy Cline "Sweet Dreams (Of You)" (397)
398. Two Inch Astronaut "Foulbrood" (--)
399. Pixies "Gigantic" (320)
400. Velvet Underground "Venus In Furs" (--)

401. Randy Travis "On The Other Hand" (440)
402. Babes In Toyland "Pain In My Heart" (386)
403. Third Eye Blind "Losing A Whole Year" (241)
404. The Beatles "Girl" (476)
405. Cam’Ron feat Juelz Santana "Hey Ma" (73)
406. Stevie Wonder "I Believe When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever" (124)
407. Led Zeppelin "Kashmir" (215)
408. Big Star "Lady Sweet" (300)
409. U2 "With Or Without You" (--)
410. The Beatles "It’s All Too Much" (436)

411. Wilco "Passenger Side " (--)
412. Michael Jackson "Rock With You" (327)
413. Matchbox 20 "Push" (--)
414. Robyn "Hang With Me" (414)
415. Ovlov "The Well" (343)
416. Earl Sweatshirt feat RZA "Molasses" (416)
417. OutKast "Elevators (Me & You)" (388)
418. Nine Inch Nails "Hurt" (221)
419. The Beatles "A Day in The Life" (371)
420. Prince "17 Days" (--)

421. Animal Collective "What Would I Want? Sky" (421)
422. Radiohead "In Limbo" (312)
423. Fiona Apple "Shadowboxer" (423)
424. System of a Down "Chop Suey!" (500)
425. Ying Yang Twins "Wait (The Whisper Song)" (57)
426. The Beach Boys "I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times" (95)
427. The Byrds "Have You Seen Her Face" (284)
428. The Police "Driven To Tears" (418)
429. Ol’ Dirty Bastard "I Can’t Wait" (90)
430. Amerie "1 Thing" (466)

431. Red Hot Chili Peppers "Knock Me Down" (--)
432. Tommy James & the Shondells "Crystal Blue Persuasion" (322)
433. Uncle Acid & the Deadbeats "Ritual Knife" (494)
434. The Beatles "Revolution 9" (--)
435. Boris & Michio Kurihara "You Laughed Like A Water Mark" (306)
436. Def Leppard "Animal" (--)
437. The Rentals "Frisbee Days" (437)
438. June of 44 "I Get My Kicks for You" (240)
439. Pinback "From Nothing To Nowhere" (--)
440. Tom Petty "Walls - Circus" (--)

441. Good Morning "Warned You" (--)
442. Surface To Air Missive "Get In The Truck" (--)
443. ZZ Top "Cheap Sunglasses" (--)
444. Cannibal Corpse "Staring Through The Eyes Of The Dead" (444)
445. Janet Jackson "That’s The Way Love Goes" (330)
446. Van Halen "Panama" (--)
447. Love "My Little Red Book" (461)
448. The Beatles "You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)" (177)
449. Guided By Voices "Game of Pricks" (395)
450. Courtney Barnett & Kurt Vile "Over Everything" (--)

451. The Zombies "Whenever You're Ready" (--)
452. Huey Lewis & The News "The Power of Love" (244)
453. DJ Shadow "In/Flux" (--)
454. Mariah Carey f/ Ol’ Dirty Bastard "Fantasy (remix)" (56)
455. Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson "I Can Get off on You" (--)
456. Geto Boys "Mind Playing Tricks on Me" (--)
457. Duane Eddy "Rebel Rouser" (--)
458. Dinosaur Jr "Out There" (--)
459. Pearl Jam "Animal" (--)
460. Justin Timberlake "Nothin’ Else" (460)

461. The Notorious B.I.G. "Big Poppa" (499)
462. Erykah Badu "Next Lifetime" (--)
463. *NSYNC "Girlfriend" (216)
464. Miles Davis "Rated X" (455)
465. Patsy Cline "Walkin' After Midnight" (--)
466. Fleetwood Mac "Second Hand News" (332)
467. Elton John "Harmony " (--)
468. The Darkness "Love Is Only A Feeling" (405)
469. Groove Theory "Tell Me" (366)
470. The Beatles "Yes It Is" (144)

471. Echo and the Bunnymen "The Killing Moon" (--)
472. Bryan Adams "One Night Love Affair" (--)
473. Kanye West "Flashing Lights" (473)
474. Busta Rhymes "Dangerous" (--)
475. Van Halen "Jamie’s Cryin’" (475)
476. Sloan "The Good In Everyone" (--)
477. The Only Ones "Another Girl Another Planet" (--)
478. Wilco "Jesus, etc." (478)
479. America "Ventura Highway" (479)
480. OutKast "Rosa Parks" (480)

481. Ween "The Stallion Part 3" (--)
482. Carole King "It's Too Late" (--)
483. Tom Petty "Yer So Bad" (483)
484. Beastie Boys "Get It Together" (484)
485. Caribou "Sun" (--)
486. Madvillain "Great Day Today" (486)
487. Funky Four + One "That's The Joint" (--)
488. The Zombies "I Want You Back Again" (--)
489. Elastica "Connection" (--)
490. Missy Elliott "Beep Me 911" (212)

491. Failure "Smoking Umbrellas" (--)
492. The Who "Mary Anne With the Shaky Hand" (492)
493. Void "Who Are You" (--)
494. Megadeth "Holy Wars The Punishment Due" (--)
495. Elliott Smith "Cupid's Trick" (--)
496. Donovan "Wear Your Love Like Heaven" (314)
497. Jefferson Starship "With Your Love" (291)
498. Crowded House "Something So Strong" (--)
499. Deerhunter "Nothing Ever Happened" (407)
500. Eagle-Eye Cherry "Save Tonight" (258)

501. Phil Collins "Another Day In Paradise" (411)
502. Patrice Rushen "Forget Me Nots" (--)
503. The Move "Blackberry Way" (--)
504. Weezer "Lullabye For Wayne" (495)
505. Beck "Diamond Bollocks" (295)

Thursday, June 16, 2022


We were about to be like "fuck we're so late posting the big list this year fuck" but then we just happened to notice that Money Plane 2020 (The Big List) was posted on June 17, 2021 -- exactly one day shy of a year ago. So the moral of the story is that we're actually earlier than last year. So you can go fuck right off.

In that post, we also said "This is definitely among the final TMK posts. ... If it returns, we'll probably do it a lot differently with a different name and a narrower focus. Not sure when or if that will ever happen tho."

No one noticed or cared, but this has pretty much been the case. The momentum our blog had once achieved in the early-mid 2010s has entirely dried up. Opportunities to capitalize or monitize via a "pivot to newsletter" or Patreon would inevitably attract zero subscribers. A.K.A. No one gives a shit about what we have to say due to lack of brand recognition.

But the Sloppy Steaks list did happen. Much like its predecessor Money Plane 2020, there were "no words" to describe the music of 2021. Unless you count the 1000 words that each picture speaks, referring to the images that accompanied all 100 entries.

ICYMI: Dig into that tasty steakiness.

As far as we can tell, Qobuz (an allegedly ethical streaming option) does not currently supply embed codes or else it would be here.

You hate Spotify but their playlists actually embed so that's why the Spotify version is embeded and the Qobuz version is not:

100. Bongzilla "Mother Flower's Little Helper"
99. Jazmine Sullivan f/ Anderson .Paak "Price Tags"
98. Magdalena Bay "Secrets (Your Life)"
97. Larry June f/ Money Man "Intercepted"
96. Shirese "Trenody for the Victims of 99.1 PLR"
95. Spinabenz f/ Yungeen Ace & FastMoney Goon "Who I Smoke"
94. Dali Muru & The Polyphonic Swarm "The Danube Dwellers"
93. The Mountain Movers "Way Back to the World"
92. Cardi B “Up” (tie)
92. Saweetie f/ Doja Cat "Best Friend" (tie)
91. Snooper "Dog"
90. Angel Du$t f/ Tim Armstrong "Dancing On The Radio"
89. Redman "80 Barz"
88. Reymour "De ma Tour"
87. Solemn Brigham "Bigger World"
86. Theoreme "Radionucleides"
85. Mope City "Covered In Might"
84. Wavves "Help is On The Way"
83. True Sons of Thunder "Drugs in Space"
82. Gulch "Bolt Swallower"
81. The Glow "Heavy Glow" (tie)
80. Six Organs of Admittance "J'ai Mal aux Dents" (tie)
80. Thee Oh Sees "J'ai Mal aux Dents"
79. Mister Goblin "Left Before Your Set"
78. Chris Brokaw "I Can't Sleep"
77. Glitterer "Didn't Want It"
76. Deuce Ellis f/ Che Noir "Spit Acid"
75. Editrix "The Sound"
74. Etran de L'Air "Toubouk Ine Chihoussay"
73. Angel Du$t "Fear Some"
72. Travis Porter "Like Dat"
71. Genesis Owusu "The Other Black Dog" (tie)
71. Genesis Owusu f/ Kirin J Callinan "Drown" (tie)

70. Paperboy Prince "Eric Adams Get Out Of My Room" (tie)
70. Ame Bibabi "Chin Up High" (tie)
70. Sarah Brand "Red Dress" (tie)
70. DJ Boing "Boing Beat" (tie)
70. Limp Bizkit "Dad Vibes" (tie)
69. Section H8 "100 Seconds" (tie)
69. C4 "Health Freak Head Stomp" (tie)
68. Ty Segall "Erased"
67. EXEK "Palazzo di Propaganda Fide"
66. Lil Nas X "Sun Goes Down"
65. Turnstile "Underwater Boi"
64. Rosali "Waited All Day"
63. Ovlov "Land of Steve-O"
62. Pale Waves "Easy"
61. Sanguisugabogg "Dead as Shit"
60. Parannoul, Asian Glow & Sonhos Tomam Conta "One May Be Harming"
59. Taylor Swift “All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault)”
58. Silicone Prairie "America" (tie)
58. Silicone Prairie "Dance to the Beat" (tie)
57. Supermilk "Mouth"
56. Dinosaur Jr "Garden"
55. Turnstile "Endless"
54. Chris Brokaw "Puritan"
53. Outta Pocket "Purest Pain" (tie)
53. Militarie Gun "Disposable Plastic Trash" (tie)
52. Blawan “Under Belly”
51. Aldous Harding "Old Peel"
50. Guardian Singles "Heartland"
49. Damarion Matchem "Ride111"
48. Turnstile "Fly Again"
47. Hypnotizing Chickens "I'm On Time"
46. Blackwater Holylight "Around You"
45. Dazy "Invisible Thing"
44. Momma "Medicine"
43. Sedona "Sharkbite"
42. Big Thief "Certainty"
41. John Dwyer (and others) "Terra Incognito"

40. Dridge "Drip"
39. New Last Name "Horse Girl" (tie)
39. New Last Name "Shaka It Off" (tie)
38. Nunslaughter "Casket Lid Creaks"
37. Megan Thee Stallion "Thot Shit"
36. Glitterer "Try Harder Still"
35. Silicone Prairie "Song for the Eagles to Sing"
34. Malignant Altar "Ceremonial Decapitator"
33. Tkay Maidza "Syrup"
32. UNIIQU3 "Microdosing"
31. Altin Gun "Ordunun Dereleri"
30. Sedona "Drifting Days"
29. Beach House "Once Twice Melody"
28. Turnstile "Mystery"
27. Kacey Musgraves "Breadwinner"
26. Freak Genes "Ford Fairlane" (tie)
26. Freak Genes "Followed It Down" (tie)
25. Colleen Green "I Wanna Be A Dog"
24. Mdou Moctar "Afrique Victime"
23. Bashford "Gateway to the Underworld" (tie)
23. Bashford "Bitter Masses" (tie)
22. CHVRCHES ft. Robert Smith “How Not To Drown”
21. 2nd Grade "Favorite Song"

20. Parannoul "Analog Sentimentalism" (tie)
20. Ovlov "Cheer Up Chihiro" (tie)
19. Phife Dawg f/ Redman & Busta Rhymes "Nutshell Pt 2"
18. Quicksand "Inversion"
17. Chris Brokaw "The Heart of Human Trafficking"
16. Nilufer Yanya "Stabilise"
15. Lily Konigsberg "Sweat Forever"
14. Tyler The Creator f/ Daisy World "Rise" (tie)
14. Tyler The Creator f/ YoungBoy NBA & Ty Dolla $ign "Wusyaname" (tie)
13. Melissa "Breonna"
12. RXKNephew "American tterroristt"
11. Guardian Singles "Being Alone"
10. Beak> "Oh Know" (tie)
10. Beak> "Ah Yeh" (tie)
9. Turnstile "Don't Play" (tie)
9. Turnstile "Blackout" (tie)
8. Rosali "Pour Over Ice"
7. Big Thief "Little Things"
6. Anz f/ George Riley “You Could Be”
5. Sedona "Missing In Paradise" (tie)
5. Sedona "Cupid's Victim" (tie)
4. Playboi Carti "Sky"
3. Lily Konigsberg "Proud Home" (tie)
3. Lily Konigsberg "That's the Way I Like It" (tie)
2. Wu-Lu "Times"
1. Turnstile "Holiday"

Friday, June 3, 2022

Wazzup Beijing. There's a new issue of MTVZ for June 2022.

The newest edition of MTVZ has arrived, and we want you all to enjoy it now, today.

*****In our first hour, we have the latest videos from Future, Milly, Momma, Nilufer Yanya, Horsegirl, Pet Fox, and Alex G, plus classics from Unsane, Fu Manchu, Braniac, some live Gish-era Smashing Pumpkins, and also we got the fresh new Viper remix in there. ****

Curated with love. If you don't watch, it means you hate me. Watch it, and then tell your friends. Have a party and leave it on. Do not fuck this up.

The Youtube app on Roku has added a whole buncha bullshit that has made MTVZ streaming a lot more fucking annoying. For example, there's a lot more ads, which is fine I guess.

But nothing is as bad as the "Continue watching?" button that pops up about once per hour, freezing the video until the button is entered. Which entirely defeats the purpose of MTVZ. (The purpose is "Leave It On" -- a tagline that we made up that we felt pretty accurately describes its purpose. It's intended for passive viewing.

Spotify claims to have cornered the market on passive content consumption, but Youtube seems to be pretty anti-passive consumption because they want to make sure people are watching all of their ads. Not only is it fucking bullshit, but it has entirely ruined MTVZ for everyone. We sorely miss the days when we could "leave it on" and then head out for a bike ride and return 2 hours later to see some fucking weird random shit on the TV. Or falling asleep to an especially long 300 video playlist and then waking up the next morning and not quite understanding what we're seeing. It's great. Or at least it was great. But now it's over. It's no more. It's dead now.

There is one huge exception -- an option for those who want to continue watching. If you currently spending $12/month on Youtube Premium, you will not see the "Continue Watching?" interruptions, nor will you receive any 4 minute ads (or 15 second ads, or any ads).

For normal free Youtube users, we did figure out "one weird trick" that sometimes works: When you let a few longer ads just play out all the way through, it often will reduce the frequency and length of ad content that shows up later in the playlist, which does alleviate some frustration.)

Imagine publicly complaining over and over about the bad ethics of Spotify and then not encouraging people to enjoy other playlisting alternatives. Just imagine it, but then don't be that guy. Don't be that piece of shit.

Hope you all enjoy it!

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

They Can't Stop Us

Those who choose to view abortion as unethical have a right to their own value system. That's the whole point of "Pro-Choice." It's entirely possible to view abortion as unethical while understanding that its a personal choice. A constitutionally granted freedom of choice is exactly what allowed their Christian value system to enrich their lives without any risk of enforcement from the other direction.

It's an attack on human rights masquerading as "enlightened." It's the foremost issue determining whether a politician understands a separation of church and state.

It seems like people generally understand when we say "Abortion is THE issue."

Among dozens of other entirely legitamate implications currently filling our news feeds, abortion rights represent the baseline of modern politics. Its strength or vulnerability can tell us a lot about the present moment.

It represents the will of the people in a way that pro-lifers and red voters and the far right don't want to accept, because it conflicts with their preconceptions about the true majority of US citizens who advocate for progress.

The far right isn't blind. They entirely understand the direction the country is moving in. Labor rights and unions are becoming the norm. Capitalism is under attack. Has there been any other era in history when so many people all at once have shouted and screamed "fuck billionaires?"

Grown increasingly enraged and emboldened, more and more progressives are running for local elections and frequently winning. The people are taking charge, and the far right is scared. So in their heads, combative decision-making on behalf of the far right minority is the best offense. But each time this happens, it only emboldens progressives even further.

This is why the red states need the filibuster. They need the electoral college. They need the ability to redraw maps whenever possible. Because they know that they can't win without cheating.

It won't happen this year, but the end result is a restructuring of our constitutional rights system. By the time this is over, both reproductive rights and same-sex marriage rights will be permanently unbreakable.

Essentially, the far right's long-game is fucked. They're scared. They didn't see any of this coming 6 years ago. They saw a "victory" that actually represented the beginning of their inevitable demise.

We were recently thinking about where we'd be right now if Mitt Romney had won in 2012: We're guessing he would've been a soft republican president. It's very likely that Hilary would have won against him in 2016, extending liberal complacency far enough that a progressive uprising like what we're now experiencing would likely not exist. In reality, Covid and the Summer 2020 protests both occurred under the worst possible circumstances of US leadership; by default, literally anyone else in the entire world would have done a better job. So under this theoretical scenario, Dumbass Hillary would have probably done an ok enough job to secure another term.

I think we've been underrating the effects of progressive emboldenment under President Doctor Professor (2016-2020). The progress we've made in the past 6 years might have taken decades to achieve under liberal leadership.

So the far-right can threaten us with changing the constitution all they want. Progress is going to keep happening with or without their support or leadership. They can't stop us.

But despite our eventual triumph, the loss of this one major battle is a pretty devastating one.

26 states in 2022 will create laws that force people to have children, whether they want to or not. This prospect signifies a new disgusting benchmark for the state of the union. This is the worst it's been in my lifetime, which is really saying something.

"How could this happen with a blue president while dems have a majority in congress?" Because dems don't actually have a majority. A majority entails enough votes to get anything done. With a true majority, this wouldn't be happening.

Fight the real enemy. Centrist liberals allowed this to happen. Fossil fuel companies and weapons manufacturers and the billionaire class ensure that centrists remain just as desperately sneaky and scummy as the far right. There's a very good reason why the DNC stole Bernie's delegate lead and handed it to the guy who got 5th place in the Iowa Caucus and then forced the media to reframe Unky Joe as the guy who was everyone's favorite all along. The whole thing is connected.

So I take back what I said earlier --- There's one other prospective scenario alongside the defeat of capitalists. We're going to win eventually, but only if the opposition doesn't exterminate us out of existence first. They're going to have to kill us to stop us. And they probably will without a violent uprising. It sucks to admit the hard truth, but this won't be won peacefully. And a lot of people aren't going to understand that until it's too late.