Thursday, July 31, 2014

The Stick of Truth's 5 Bitchiest Enemies (with spoilers)

Part of the reason our hiatus took slightly longer than usual was because fucking Geek Squad took 38 days to replace the monitor of the laptop that was storing this website's content. (Our backup drive made no difference since we had no computer.) We've been told the turnaround is normally around 14-21 days. How did we get so lucky to have ours returned in 38 days, especially since the entire process of assigning a tech, getting the screen replaced, and shipping it back to the store took Geek Squad LESS THAN THREE HOURS?? The moral of the story: "Queef Squad is doody, and they drink peepee," and always use local independent computer techs whenever possible.

In addition to no new content, we were also deprived of The Stick of Truth for an entire 38 days, which is pretty uncool once you get to the point where you're playing this game every day. It's probably the best new videogame of the past few months, and the jokes are good enough to redeem Trey and Matt after their weak ass 10-episode season that mostly depressed us (and assisted our conversion to Adventure Time worship) during the last few months of 2013.

We love The Stick of Truth so much that we wanted to ensure its place as the first post-hiatus topic after getting our materials returned. We haven't beaten the game yet, and we have no clue how far we've progressed. But in either case, we're gonna take a guess that these are the game's toughest enemies.

#5. Shelly Marsh

Well this just goes to show how much we still have left to play of this game, because Shelly's not that hard if you're powered high enough. But it's not like she's a cinch either. And they kinda force you to use Stan as your friend or else Shelly's just like "who the fuck are you" and makes you leave her room without fighting.

#4. Khloe Kardashian's aborted fetus that was bit by a nazi zombie

This is mostly here because it's our current point in the game. That's one tough baby!

#3. Al Gore

Seriously, FUCK Al Gore. We fucking hate him. We hate his bitchy little power point presentation on global warming. We hate how he tricked us into going on his stupid little missions just so he can keep sucking his own dick. We hate how he harasses us and posts so much shit on our facebook walls and just won't leave us the fuck alone, but he's just too hard to beat, and so you're forced to simply continue getting 25 new dumb messages every 10 minutes until you have enough power to fuck him up. And even after all that, you haven't REALLY beat him yet...

#2 Manbearpig

We kinda just gave up after finding Manbearpig and haven't beaten him yet either.

#1 Al Gore

Whatever, let's just make Al Gore the entire Top 3, because that's how much we hate him. Fuck this dude.

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