Tuesday, February 21, 2023

THE OFFICIAL 2022 SHORT STACK OF LP'S

Finally! We thought it would never get here, but we just received our parcel from the macro data refinement department -- 61 millimeters tall and "fulla beans" as the president would say.

Just flipping through these records feels fucking amazing. Honestly, the sound of the album sleeve stock flapping against its sistren would almost be enough for us. It's almost enough just to oogle the album art, reclining in a milk crate conveniently ideal for 61 of these puppies. This is almost enough.

But there's more. So much more. In fact, these flapjacks each contain grooved sounds -- the 61 most electrifying grooved sounds of 2022. Don't hate us too much, but we made a promise on your behalf that anyone who reads this (you) will now buy every one of these LPs from Bandcamp.Com. It's easy -- just "add to cart" and then afterwards, you buy them. (If you own any of these already, you have to buy them again.) Thanks in advance. A handshake is available upon request.

Who's ready to carb up?


(6/20/2023 Editor's note: The albums in positions #3, #10, #11, #16, and #43 have been swapped. We usually wouldn't do something like this, so consider it a reaction to the decline in our view counts.)

61. Various Artists Bound For Hell: On The Sunset Strip
October 28, 2022 // Los Angeles, CA, USA
( Numero )

"It's fast and it's aggressive and it's rebellious and their parents hate it, which has always been the mark of good rock and roll. If your parents don't like it, it's good." - Lemmy

60. Ella Mai Heart on My Sleeve
May 6, 2022 // London, UK
( Interscope )

Bir'd up.

59. Isotope Soap In Need of Systematic Entropy
March 15, 2022 // Stockholm, Stockholms län, Sweden
( Self-Released )

The Springfield Isotopes are Springfield's only minor league baseball team. The team is shown as drastically underfunded and struggling in competition. Their home games are played at Duff Stadium as Duff Beer sponsors and co-manages the team. The Isotopes name is most likely in reference to Springfield's nuclear power plant. (more)

58. Sick Thoughts Heaven is No Fun
September 9, 2022 // Portland, OR, USA
( Total Punk )

How sick are we talkin here?

57. Pudding Club Songs Before Bed
December 31, 2022 // Brooklyn, NY, USA
( Self-Released )

Fun Fact: For those who wish to achieve REM, comsuming lots of sleep books and sleep podcasts might not be enough! God help us.

56. Kim Petras **** Pop
February 11, 2022 // Köln, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany
( Republic )

Yo Kim, you did it. *BOOM*

55. Horse Lords Comradely Objects
November 4, 2022 // Baltimore, MD, USA
( RVNG )

There's no horse like War Horse.

54. Ibibio Sound Machine Electricity
March 25, 2022 // London, UK
( Merge )

Fiery jams. Plus, the Target grocery department's got nothin on this album art.

53. Pusha T It's Almost Dry
April 22, 2022 // Bronx, NY, USA
( Good / Def Jam )

A farewell wave to post-Clipse "G.O.O.D. era" signals a welcoming wave hello to era #3: Will StarTrak reform? Are fresh Neptunes beats around the corner? No? What do you mean "no?"

52. Nebula Transmission From Mothership Earth
July 22, 2022 // Whittier, CA, USA
( Heavy Psych Sounds)

Smoke til ur eyes get the cataracts.

51. They Are Gutting a Body of Water / A Country Western An Insult to the Sport
September 14, 2022 // Philadelphia, PA, USA
( Topshelf )

Baseball? The hell is that? Sounds like a loada hooey.

50. Neil Young + Crazy Horse Toast
2001 / July 8, 2022 // Telluride, CO, USA
( Reprise )

No you

49. Panda Bear & Sonic Boom Reset
August 12, 2022 // Lisbon, Portugal
( Domino )

Welcome to 2023, in which Panda Bear "goes all the way" and buys a shiny new sandbox for his living room. One day, Panda discovers a rabbit hole in the sandbox and chases a rabbit down the hole. "Hey! Get back here you waskiwy wabbit!" exclaims Panda Bear, to which the nimble fluffer heeds no mind. The wild chase is on! Deeper in the hole they go. "When I catch you I'm gonna turn you into a goon!" yells Panda Bear. Little Bunny Foofoo says "WOAAOO!" Wow, lookit em go!

48. Psychic Ills & Gibby Haynes FRKWYS Vol. 4.5: Nowhere in the Night
2010 / June 14, 2022 // Brooklyn, NY, USA
( Rvng )

Jujyfruit's Party: The Album

47. Soul Glo Diaspora Problems
March 25, 2022 // Philadelphia, PA, USA
( Epitaph )

noice

46. Maraudeur Puissance 4
February 21, 2021 / 2022 // Genève, Switzerland
( Feel It )

That '90s Brooklyn band Merauder is also cool. They're both good.

45. Innumerable Forms Philosophical Collapse
September 16, 2022 // Boston, MA, USA
( Profound Lore )

"The dark prince of straight edge."

44. L.O.T.I.O.N Multinational Corporation W.A.R. in the Digital Realm
September 2, 2022 // New York, NY, USA
( Toxic State )

The show was over at last
A lot of people met the rock band
The lead singer of Lotion wasn't nice at all
He was a stupid jerk
But otherwise, the show was terrific

43. They Hate Change Finally, New
May 13, 2022 // Tampa, FL, USA
( Jagjaguwar )

We sense a contridiction

(Editor's note: This was originally #10.)

42. Big Thief Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You
February 11, 2022 // Brooklyn, NY, USA
( 4AD )

Hissing Dragon Are You The Destroyer

41. Milly Eternal Ring
September 30, 2022 // Bristol, CT, USA
( Dangerbird )

Famous Millys throughout history include Ugangan politician Milly Babalanda, English painter Milly Childers, Australian long distance runner Milly Clark, Latin American singer Milly Quezada, American stage actress and singer Milly Shapiro, English actress Milly Zero, and Italian porn actress from the Milf genre Milly D'Abbraccio. If you'd like to learn more about Milly, check out Look Who's Milly Now by El Chavaz Clavid, or Nancy MacFarlane's Milly: The 2nd Luckiest Little Duck In The Whole World.

40. The Paranoyds Talk Talk Talk
September 9, 2022 // Los Angeles, CA, USA
( Third Man )

Their next album Waka Waka Waka comes out next month.

39. Crowbar Zero and Below
March 4, 2022 // New Orleans, LA, USA
( MNRK Heavy )

"Hey, check it out. It's Crowbar. They're always taking a dump." - Butthead

38. Young Guv Guv III & IV
July 15, 2022 // Toronto, ON, Canada
( Run for Cover )

The transition from Lil Guv to Young Guv was unexpected, but crucial. Keep up the good work.

37. Horace Andy Midnight Rocker
April 8, 2022 // Kingston, Jamaica
( On-U )

Is money still the root of all evil? You'll have to check out Midnight Rocker to find out.

36. David Nance Pulverized and Slightly Peaced
June 2022 // Grand Island, NE, USA
( Petty Bunco )

Peaced and Slightly Pulverized placed around #51 in 2018. This is the demo version which we are now placing slightly higher because we like it slightly better.

35. Otoboke Beaver Super Champon
May 6, 2022 // Kyoto, Japan
( Damnably )

Otoboke Beaver in unison: Harry had never in all his life had such a Christmas dinner. A hundred fat, roast turkeys; mountains of roast and boiled potatoes; platters of chipolatas; tureens of buttered peas, silver boats of thick, rich gravy and cranberry sauce — and stacks of wizard crackers every few feet along the table.

34. Water Damage Repeater
April 29, 2022 // Austin, TX, USA
( 12XU )

Don't mess with a frosty Lone Star; your ass will get thrown out the window so fast. And then thrown down the stairs. So just to clarify, you'll get thrown out the window first, followed by getting dragged back indoors, and thrown once again, this time down a flight of stairs. So that's two throws.

33. Pet Fox A Face in Your Life
June 17, 2022 // Boston, MA, USA
( Exploding in Sound )

The bass in your face (pronounced "baas" like seabass, obv).

32. Freak Genes Hologram
August 19, 2022 // UK
( Feel It )

The Misadventures of Hologram Tupac premiering on Hulu this Spring.

31. Ex-Void Bigger Than Before
March 25, 2022 // London, UK
( Don Giovanni )

The logical follow-up to their previous album Kinda Big.

30. The Garden Horseshit on Route 66
September 8, 2022 // Orange, CA, USA
( Vada Vada )

I really don't appreciate foul disgusting language. Wipe that smirk off your face before I go get the cynder block.

29. Alex G God Save the Animals
September 23, 2022 // Havertown, PA, USA
( Domino )

"No you" - God

28. Joey Badass 2000
July 22, 2022 // Brooklyn, NY, USA
( Pro Era )

Al Eisen became the inventor of 2000 Flushes in 1978 as revenge against Mrs. Eisen who forced him to clean the toilets (to which he would respond "I hate this shit!"). One day, he installed a cup of chlorine weighted with rocks in the water tank; it kept the toilet clean "up ta 4 munts!" to the dismay of Mrs. Eisen.

27. Disheveled Cuss Into the Couch
September 30, 2022 // Los Angeles, CA, USA
( Self-Released )

I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there’s no god.

26. Maneka Dark Matters
March 11, 2022 // Brooklyn, NY, USA
( Skeletal Lightning )

Now here's a fine example of a great band that we have never met in real life.

25. Surface to Air Missive Shadows Leap
September 16, 2022 // Athens, GA, USA
( Truly Bald )

Pulled from Bandcamp already? That was fast...
(Edit: Wait, it's back again. Disregard.)

24. Various Artists Sintomas de Techno: Ondas Electronicas Subterraneas Desde
October 29, 2022 // Lima, Peru
( Buh )

Not kidding. The label is Buh Records. "Let that sink in," as some dumbass would say.

23. Disq Desperately Imagining Someplace Quiet
October 7, 2022 // Madison, WI, USA
( Saddle Creek )

Excuse me sir, do you have dis disq for sale?

22. Nas King's Disease III
November 11, 2022 // Queens, NY, USA
( Mass Appeal )

I'm out for presidents to represent Nas.

21. Plosivs Plosivs
March 17, 2022 // San Diego, CA, USA
( Swami )

Yo Rob, you good bro?

20. Disco Doom Mt. Surreal
September 16, 2022 // Zürich, Switzerland
( Exploding In Sound )

I give.

19. Flo Milli You Still Here, Ho?
July 20, 2022 // Mobile, AL, USA
( RCA )

Famous Flos throughout history include Flo from the insurance commercials and Flo from Alice who says "Kiss my grits, Mel." There's also Flos from two mid-2000s Disney movies: Finding Nemo and Cars. And I think that's it. Until now of course. Flo Milli 4 lyfe.

18. David Nance Non Missile
July 18, 2022 // Omaha, NE, USA
( Self-Released )

Surface To Non Missile

17. The Rubs (dust)
July 15, 2022 // Chicago, IL, USA
( Self-Relesed )

Yo, The Rubs are back. #1 forever.

16. Jay Worthy & Larry June 2 P'z in a Pod
March 25, 2022 // San Francisco, CA, USA
( Empire )

Say it, don't spray it. geez.

(Editor's note: This was originally #11.)

15. Hatchie Giving the World Away
April 22, 2022 // Brisbane, QLD, Australia
( Secretly Canadian )

Felt so good with the lights on.

14. Praise All in a Dream
May 6, 2022 // Baltimore, MD, USA
( Revelation )

Un-Googleable album of the year, unless you're actually searching for some Jim Baker bullshit.

13. Арлекин (Arlekin) Извор на главоболките
2019 / April 1, 2022 // Skopje, North Macedonia
( ОПАЧИНА )

Da.

12. Mister Goblin Bunny
April 22, 2022 // Bloomington, IN, USA
( Exploding In Sound )

"That movie about the little baby bunny that was also a cop" b/w "That's Mister Cheddar Goblin to you, bub"

11. Darkthrone Astral Fortress
October 28, 2022 // Kolbotn, Akershus, Norway
( Peaceville )

I'm gonna meet you on the astral plane / The astral plane for dark at night / The astral plane / Or I'll go insane

(Editor's note: This was originally #3.)

10. Marlowe Marlowe 3
October 28, 2022 // Wilmington, NC, USA
( Mello )

"Christopher Marlowe wrote all my plays." - Bill Shakespeare

(Editor's note: This was originally #16.)

9. Momma Household Name
July 1, 2022 // Los Angeles, CA, USA
( Lucky Number / Polyvinyl )

Weather man tellin' us it ain't gon' rain.

8. Mindforce New Lords
September 16, 2022 // Poughkeepsie, NY, USA
( Triple B )

There is no lord like Lord Buckethead. Thou shalt have no lords before Lord Buckethead.

7. Built to Spill When the Wind Forgets Your Name
September 9, 2022 // Boise, ID, USA
( Sub Pop )

Love when Dougie steps up to the mic and gets all like "hey fellas, check this shit out!" and then does like a hammer-on 2-note guitar solo into a medley of "I Try" and "Free Bird." Nothin' beats that.

6. Flasher Love Is Yours
June 17, 2022 // Washington, DC, USA
( Domino )

"Hi this is Flasher and you're listening to our favorite radio station DC101 -- all the hits all the time, with Wendy Williams in the afternoon." DC101 were there for Bad Brains and Fugazi. And now they shall soak in the downpour of Flasher. Sky's the limit.

5. Westside Gunn 10
October 28, 2022 // Buffalo, NY, USA
( Daupe! )

Track-for-track response to the Pearl Jam album of the same name.

4. Dazy OUTOFBODY
October 28, 2022 // Richmond, VA, USA
( Lame-O )

On the next A.I. Seinfeld: "My non-problematic programmer taught me to sing this next catchy tune, would you like to hear it? Goes a little somethin like this: Day zee Day zee Give me your answer too I'm half cray zee bicycle built for doo" **canned lolz** "Hal, you're scarin' us." **canned lolz**

3. Flex TMG Whisper Swish
October 21, 2022 // Oakland, CA, USA
( DD-05 )

Sorry but Swish is one of the greatest album titles ever. Who announces the album title Swish and then changes it at the last minute? Who does that? A dumbass -- no, not a god. A dumbass.

(Editor's note: This was originally #43.)

2. Nilufer Yanya PAINLESS
March 4, 2022 // Chelsea, Greater London, UK
( ATO )

Bed Bath and Body's official "Essential Oils" album of the year, especially Lavender, Eucalyptus, Peppermint, and Rosemary (the painkiller oils, duh).

1. Chat Pile God's Country
July 29, 2022 // Oklahoma City, OK, USA
( The Flenser )

"I have to politely remind everyone that I've got God's country in my pants, and now I'm gonna show em what it looks like." - That dude at the grocery store

No comments:

Post a Comment