Monday, May 27, 2013

Weezer discography (bizarro alternate universe version)

The true nerd rises up once again. Fan-fic version of Weezer's 90s discography.

Let's just say for the sake of argument............

When we say "Weezer is the greatest rock band of all time," we're mostly referring to an imaginary fictional discography that never existed, but could have feasibly existed. Maybe possibly.


For some reason, Weezer gets signed to Geffen immediately after their formation with long-hair Rivers Cuomo as lead songwriter, Pat Wilson on drums and Matt Sharp on bass and Jason Cropper on guitar.

Late-1992: Ric Ocasek agrees to record their first TWO albums, instead of just the first one. Jason Cropper leaves the band, but Weezer somehow bumps into Brian Bell who is auditioned very quickly, 7 or 8 months earlier than when it took place in reality.

With this lineage in place, the self-titled Blue Album might have ended up getting split into two halves, with "Say It Ain't So" and "No One Else" as the beginning of a distinct 1994-era. Let's take a look and see what we got here...

Weezer (self-titled) (1993)

Released June 1993 to huge acclaim and yielding the huge hit singles "Undone - The Sweater Song" and "My Name is Jonas."
1. "My Name is Jonas"
2. "Paperface"
3. "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here"
4. "Thief You’ve Taken All That Was Me"
5. "Undone – The Sweater Song"
6. "Lullaby for Wayne"
7. "I Need Some Touch"
8. "The World We Love So Much"
9. "Let’s Sew Our Pants Together"
10. "Only In Dreams"
There's a distinct atmosphere that connects everything on the Kitchen Tape demos (1, 2, 4, 5, 9 & 10) and the other four songs that appear here, all written around the same time. "Say It Ain't So" could have been either the last song written for this album or the first song written for the sophomore LP. In its place is the Gregg Alexander cover appearing as Track 8.

B-Sides (1993-1994): "Lemonade," "The Answer Man," "The Purification of Water"

Geffen pushes them to quickly capitalize on their success and rush-releases album #2...

Weezer 2 (1994)

Released May 1994. Weezer chooses the album title to follow in the tradition of other rushed classic rock sophomore releases like Queen 2 or Led Zeppelin 2.
1. "Jamie"
2. "No One Else"
3. "Susanne"
4. "Chess"
5. "Buddy Holly"
6. "I Swear It’s True"
7. "Surf Wax America"
8. "Say It Ain’t So"
9. "In The Garage"
10. "Holiday"
As noted earlier, "No One Else" sparks a new era of songwriting highly influenced by Brian Wilson and 70s power-pop. The presence of Moog-synth enters as well, becoming a Weezer trademark. The album goes multi-platinum with assistance from the "Buddy Holly" video and "Say It Ain't So." "Waiting On You" barely missed the deadline for this one, but launches yet another era of songwriting that centers around Songs from the Black Hole. While this is happening, Matt Sharp is afforded time to form The Rentals. Within the next year, "Susanne" appears in Mallrats, and an early version of "You Gave Your Love to Me Softly" appears in Angus.

B-Sides (1994-1995): "Mykel and Carli," "My Evaline," "Don't Worry Baby" (Beach Boys cover)

Songs from the Black Hole (1995)
Released October 1995. Record label pressure forces Weezer to record their next album so soon that they decide to keep the "Black Hole" concept for this album. However, they decide to reserve one of the long-winded song cycles as a B-Side bonus.

1. "Countdown" (Intro) / "Blast Off!"
2. "Tired of Sex"
3. "Getchoo"
4. "Waiting on You"
5. "I Just Threw Out the Love of My Dreams"
6. "Superfriend"
7. "You Won’t Get With Me Tonight"
8. "Devotion"
9. "Let Me Wash Your Sink"
10. "Longtime Sunshine"
"Tired of Sex" is released as the only promotional single. Around this time, Rivers attends Harvard and gets the medical procedure where his leg gets sawed. As a result of this, Weezer is unable to tour or promote, but Matt uses the opportunity to promote Return of the Rentals which possibly includes "Crumblin," "Frisbee Days" and "California" in the tracklisting in place of the last 3 songs. "Mrs. Young," also known as "Jamie 2," also known as the alternate version of "Please Let That Be You," is released as a Weezer B-Side with vocals from both Rivers and Matt.

B-Sides (1995-1996): "Lisa," "Mrs. Young," "I'm So Lonely on a Saturday Night," and the song-sequence that includes "Oh Jonas," "Please Remember," "Come to My Pod" and "Oh No This is Not Me." All 7 of these songs, along with the acoustic versions of "Jamie" and "No One Else," appear on the "Tired of Sex" CD maxi-single in January 1996. The diehards ultimately treasure this CD as a fan favorite.

Pinkerton (1996)
September 1996. The tracklisting remains mostly intact besides the first two songs which were already included on their last LP.

1. "You Gave Your Love to Me Softly"
2. "Walt Disney"
3. "No Other One"
4. "Why Bother"
5. "Across the Sea"
6. "The Good Life"
7. "El Scorcho"
8. "Pink Triangle"
9. "Falling for You"
10. "Butterfly"
Just the same, the singles are "El Scorcho," "The Good Life" and "Pink Triangle." No big changes were necessary here.

B-Sides (1996-1997): "Tragic Girl," "Getting Up and Leaving"

Matt Sharp decides to remain an active member of the band for one more album, but the process is longer than expected. The album recording continues with Mikey Welsh, who also provides bass for two shows as "Goat Punishment" in late 1998, playing 2 sets of Nirvana and Oasis covers, respectively.

Homie! (1999)
Released Spring 1999. Instead of forming a new band, Homie simply becomes Weezer's 5th album. It's also sadly their last with Matt Sharp, and it includes an incorrect tracklisting on its album art, "as a goof." Halfway through recording, Matt leaves to focus on The Rentals. He ends up supplying bass and engineering 5 songs, and Mikey Welsh plays bass on the other 5, as well as all 3 B-Sides.

1. "The Prettiest Girl in the Whole Wide World"
2. "Hot Tub"
3. "Think About You"
4. "Lover in the Snow"
5. "American Girls"
6. "Fun Time"
7. "Trampoline"
8. "My Brain is Working Overtime"
9. "Cold and Damp"
10. "Wanda (You’re My Only Love)"

B-Sides (1999): "Velouria" (Pixies cover), "Crazy One," "Everyone"

Summer Songs (2000)
Released June 2000. Album #6. They're all songs that were demoed over the summer of 2000.

Jay Leno knocks on Pat Wilson's door in January 2001 and includes him in a sketch about Elvis impersonators. In reality, Jay Leno did not recognize Pat, and in this universe he still doesn't, but lots of fans figure it out quickly due to the lack of Weezer's late 90s hiatus. In our alt-universe, the clip becomes a popular Weezer meme (shown on "MTV News on MTV2" n stuff). It also might have been a slightly bigger deal 3-4 months prior when they were again randomly selected for a Channel 12 in LA news segment about Nader's effect on the 2000 election.

Christmas EP (2000)
Released December 2000 with "The Christmas Song" and "Christmas Celebration."

The Green Album (2001)
Released May 2001. Same tracklisting. Same B-Sides. Mikey Welsh doesn't lose his shit, and remains in the band for its duration.

Maladroit (2002)
Released May 2002. Their 8th and final full-length album, and their only release to deviate from a 10-song tracklisting.

The Lion and the Witch (2002)
Released September 2002. Live EP.

The "Video Capture Device" DVD eventually sees release as well in 2004. But besides that, they realize they're no longer the same band, and they wisely decide to call it quits in late 2002, salvaging their legacy and leaving behind 10 years of decently consistent releases.

In 2004, Rivers Cuomo starts a new band with Scott Shriner and 2 other musicians (1 of whom might be Pat Wilson or Brian Bell, who have been now afforded more time to focus on The Special Goodness and Space Twins). This new band releases the albums Make Believe, The Red Album, Raditude and Hurley between 2005 and 2010. They score huge hits with songs like "Beverly Hills" and "Pork and Beans," but released under a different band name. And everyone is happy.

In late 2010, instead of the Blue Album/Pinkerton tour that took place in reality, Weezer reforms with Matt Sharp for a series of reunion shows, and everyone is happy.

As of this moment, my geek-week quota is outstandingly full, and I'm gonna lose consciousness any second now...

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