Thursday, March 22, 2018

That One Episode When Beavis Scored


As far as we know, Beavis still hasn't scored. But we think he deserves it.

This might sound like a bold statement, but we think Beavis is one of the most misunderstood fictional characters of the last 30 years. He might be just as deep as Butthead is shallow, even though on the surface both characters might appear equally superficial.

In "It's A Miserable Life," we get to see what would have happened to Beavis (and everyone else in Highland) if Butthead had never been born. Beavis is still adaptable and clingy. Without Butthead, he would still live with his unhealthy obsessions: fire, explosions, poop and scoring. But he's a loyal friend who receives satisfaction from the acceptance of a dominant influence. Without Butthead, the blindly good-natured Stewart would enhance Beavis's wussier qualities. And Beavis would have been just as funny and strange of a dude in either case.

We love the part in "Tired" just before Beavis gets thrown down the hill above Highland. "Whoa, check this out! This town looks small! It's like, you can see all the little houses, Butthead. Check it out, this is pretty cool!" This was one of the first times we noticed Beavis following his naturally wussy instincts. Butthead responds with "Shut up and get in the tire," quickly luring Beavis away from his fleeting moments of aesthetic appreciation. "Oh yea. Hm. This is gonna be cool."

Beavis is adorable. We love when he answers the door at the end of "Ding Dong Ditch," sees no one there, and yells "Butthole!" But then a second later figures out what happened. "Ohhhh yea! Huh-hm. That works pretty good."

We've already discussed the Bon Jovi thing on two other pages of this B&B feature, but we keep going back to how Beavis carries and accepts his guilty pleasures. Had the show continued into the 2000s, we think he might have enjoyed some of the early-'00s emo bands that Butthead inevitably would detest. (We'll discuss more about this in a future blog post.)

Whoever wrote this on Beavis's Wikipedia page seems pretty on-point:

"On the rare occasion that a female exhibits interest in one of the duo, it is usually Beavis who gets the attention. This could be because of Beavis' somewhat childlike temperament, which is less off-putting than Butt-Head's crasser, more blatantly sexual approaches. For example, when the two encounter members of the opposite sex, Butt-Head will typically lead off with a smug opening line such as "Hey, baby", which invariably flops; Beavis, on the other hand, will usually approach the woman with a less obvious "Hi!" or "Hey, how's it going?"."

In "Another Friday Night," as Butthead unsuccessfully tries to work the cash register at Maxi-Mart while two chicks are waiting in line, Beavis quietly says to them "You know, I was first, but you can go ahead. That's just the kind of guy I am." Shockingly smooth. Later, while they're all trapped inside of Maxi-Mart, Beavis somehow gets a hold of some up-tempo metal and starts with his jerky half-karate punky dance moves. And weirdly enough, one of the chicks decides to join him! We think he actually had a pretty good shot here.

[EDIT: We've just been informed this dance is called The Dillhole.]

Within the same episode, they watch the Janet Jackson video for "You Want This," and Beavis can't stop himself from inventing a dance he calls "My Monkey Boy." It seems like he enjoyed dancing a lot more than Butthead.

Plus, his underbite creates a natural demonic smile. He usually seems happier and less angry than Butthead, even though both are always laughing together.

Butthead is usually the first to step in the way whenever it seems like Beavis is about to score, but then blames Beavis. In the song "Come To Butthead," he says "Maybe I'd score with some chicks if your buttmunch ass wasn't always hanging around." But it seems like it's really the opposite. It's Butthead who keeps blocking Beavis from scoring.

In one of the 2011 episodes, Stewart accidentally scores with some chicks; in the world without Butthead imagined in "It's A Miserable Life," Beavis would have been right beside Stewart the whole time.

It would have happened if the show continued. The episode where Beavis finally scores definitely exists somewhere in Mike Judge's head, and we think it probably will happen if the show ever returns again.

Deep down, Beavis is truly a wuss, and that's why he rules.

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