Bernard Suspends Campaign

In January, a former HRC campaign adviser convinced Warren that her poll numbers would benefit from a mid-debate sneak attack against her closest ally. Their combined strength would have easily unified progressives, overtaking the nomination and changing the course of history. Warren was handed an opportunity to maintain her dignity and earn our respect by deflecting CNN's live televised attack against her ally; instead, she deliberately chose to ignore the high road. Whoever advised this correctly guessed that liberal feminists would instantly take the bait, splitting the progressive left and destroying any optimistic prospects of taking this all the way as a team. Something about all of this seems very calculated.

Within the next few weeks, Diamond Joe received a whopping 5th place ribbon in the Iowa caucus. Bernard held a slight lead, but we couldn't help thinking "we'll believe it when we see it." Which foreboding inevitability would push Bernard out of the picture? Would President Mayor Pete drop out and endorse Uncle Joe? Would Barry Oblama-mama publicly endorse Big J the day before Super Tuesday? These seemed like the two most plausible predictions, and we were almost right. Considering Diamond Joe's low voter enthusiasm throughout the first three primaries, it's very bizarre that three of the remaining seven major contenders (Pete Butt, Klobz & Steyer) all suddenly dropped and immediately endorsed Uncle J after he claimed only one medium-sized win in the south, without any genuine indication that voters wanted this.

Historically, the DNC subbornly refuses to learn from past mistakes. They're addicted to losing, and they love nominating weak losers. This was the case with Dukakis, John Kerry, and HRC. We can't call Al Gore a weak candidate because he technically won. Granted, HRC also won popular vote by a lot, but her multitude of glaring liabilities were all easily exploitable by the great Doctor Professor. It seems like the DNC has no general interest in accounting for exploitable liabilities, instead going off a subjective checklist of "electability."

For Bernard, his one true liability (if you can even call it that) was the word "socialist." It was the prospect of Doctor Professor alarming boomers and red state voters by shouting and tweeting the word "socialist" in all caps, out of context, over and over. Socialism, a largely misunderstood concept currently heavily flowing throughout our country, was literally Bernard's one liability, whereas Sleepy Joe's liabilities could (and will) fill an entire book. It won't be long before his weaknesses are exposed by Dr. Professor, one by one, loudly, publicly, and frequently.

Despite gaining only marginal voter momentum virtually equal to Klobz and Mayor Butt, Warren unwisely continued campaigning throughout Super Tuesday and single-handedly destroyed Bernie's lead. Whether Warren made this decision entirely on her own has yet to be determined, but the DNC was clearly overjoyed at this outcome. Afterall, she was the only other candidate attracting progressive voters that day, achieving exactly what the DNC had hoped. Where she earned zero delegates, voter gaps widened, casting extra delegates to Joe; in some states, Bernard's projected lead was outright stolen.

Warren didn't simply receive a few delegates that Bernard was owed -- it was much worse than this. The widened voter gaps showed Warren virtually seizing delegates from Bernard and directly handing them to Joey Joe Joe. And it gets even worse, because this permanently shifted the media narrative, destroying any odds that cable news might portray the race as a close contest, which might have engaged voters to think harder, listen closer, and do their homework before just settling on the frontrunner. Our best guess is that Warren was "advised" to stick around "just in case," but secretly longed to spite her former ally out of jealousy, and publicly cited a gross generalization of Bernard's most obnoxious online supporters -- realistically, a trollish loud few, equal to the percentage of the most problematic supporters of every other candidate.

If Bernard himself did not present inherent liabilities, the media would create them through association and blame Bernard for not diverting away from actual issues and condemning any support from imperfect areas. Realistically, every candidate's supporters had issues. But this was all the liberals had to run with -- a truly pathetic attempt at demonizing someone who was very much in their corner and quite literally the only decent old guy in U.S. politics.

In the event that Bernard still maintained a lead by the close of Super Tuesday, the DNC would have dragged out Barack. And if that didn't work, Bernard might have been assassinated. (Yes, we're serious.)

Blaming Warren seems a bit unfair. She paid and trusted people to advise her campaign who may or may not have been tipped that Joe needed to take the nomination at all costs. As for Big Joe, even Barry warned him, "you know Joe, you really don't need to do this." It's not the fault of Liz or Unky Joe that they're being used.

This was not as simple as "well, that's just the way people voted." The attack against Us was calculated as fuck. Because they hate Us. The DNC hates Us. The media hates Us. Cable news hates Us. They conspired in tandem to ensure no loss of power.

The next four days after Super Tuesday, Bernard addressed the nation four times in a manner tonally and aesthetically unlike anything the country had experienced since as late as January 2017. This is exactly how the president is supposed to react during a moment of crisis. Incredibly and strangely reassuring despite the bleak circumstances, Bernard's March 12th address was the single most presidential moment of the past three-and-a-half years, the very definition of "electable," treating the crisis with utmost responsibility. Had the live stream been picked up by any mainstream media, it's entirely possible that undecided voters would have experienced the same odd sense of distant familiarity. For a few fleeting moments during those four days, it felt like we actually had a leader, a glimpse of the alternate reality where Bernard rightfully won in 2016.

Sadly, Sleepy Joe is a loser, not a leader. We plan to vote Bernard in the primary anyway, and then vote against the Doctor Professor in November. But that doesn't make Sleepy Joe any less sleepy. We wish that were not the case, but he is. And he will lose.