Monday, August 17, 2009

it's so dark inside

Mondays have generally been the nicest days this summer. They are consistently my least frustrating day of the week, since I have no obligations to work.. I work Saturdays instead, which actually isn't so bad either because less people are at my job on Saturdays and so I get unlimited access to VOD (that's "video on demand" for you europeans).

So here's a new feature: "Saturday Movie Reviews"
.. keeping in mind that they're watched with no sound, closed-captioned on, and only paying half attention.

Found on Cinemax On Demand.. I own this DVD and this was probably my 5th or 6th viewing. It's probably one of the 5 funniest movies ever made. As of right now, there is an entire paragraph on this movie listed in the wikipedia entry for the worst movies of all time. I'm giving this movie a 10 out of 10. I'm also giving the same rating to Ebert & Roeper's review which made me laugh just as hard as the movie itself, simply due to how mindblowingly serious they are taking the subject matter.

Possibly on Starz On Demand.. My second viewing.. There's some confusing character development, specifically for the two main characters. I don't really like them enough to care what happens to them throughout the rest of the movie, so that by the time they're getting into fights or getting arrested, it's just plain slapstick with no one to root for. One common premise in this movie, which is probably supposed to be a joke, is the use of household appliances as weapons, such as in one scene where someone gets knocked in the head with a Dust Buster. And hey, spoiler alert: I was surprised by how many characters ended up dying at the end.. kinda bizarre for a stoner-comedy. I'm also confused by the random indie-rock namedropping halfway through the movie, in the scene where Seth Rogan's on the payphone with his beautiful teen girlfriend and Rogan predicts that her college experience will include her getting into The Shins and Godspeed You Black Emperor.. almost as if this movie is asking for permission to be accepted by Juno/Garden State fans. I know it's supposed to be a joke, but much like most of this movies' jokes, it was without lolz. 6.3 out of 10.

-- PREDATOR (1987) --
I didn't get to see all of it, but from what I can tell, it picks up momentum significantly in its second half, and especially once it's Predator and Arnold one-on-one. Also this is amazing. What I saw suggests a solid 9 out of 10.

-- PREDATOR 2 (1990) --
Wasn't paying close enough attention for an accurate review, but here's my best shot.. Danny Glover works in Los Angeles as a cop in the year 1997, which is seven years in the future from when this movie was released. They show future-computers using DOS instead of Windows. Gary Busey plays the same amazing character he plays in every movie but I'm not really sure who he's supposed to be. Bill Paxton is a cop who tells jokes and hits on girl cops.. He's the type of character who only exists to die at some point, which I was very quickly able to accurately predict. There's a part where a man is standing on the ledge of a building and Danny Glover shoots him, and then we get to watch a stunt-double falling off the ledge of a building in slow motion with his arms and legs flailing around. 8 out of 10.

- BAD BOYS (1995) --
I only saw the first half. Martin is a married cop, and Will Smith is a swingin' bachelor cop. Joe Pantoliano is their boss or something. None of them dress with cop uniforms, but instead they wear what rich drug dealers would have worn in 1989. They're trying to find whoever stole the cops' heroin. There's these 2 girls who are dressed the way En Vogue used to dress walking around minding their own business, and one of them is left alone for a minute, and she gets killed by the dudes who stole the heroin. She also happens to be the woman Will Smith loves, which is very sad. And then Martin drives around with the other girl who witnessed the whole thing but I couldn't really tell what was happening. I had to leave after that. 7.5 out of 10.

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