We have no motivation for continuing this at all, so basically it's come down to this. None of this is even interesting or funny. If only we could get a hold of some ambien and post another Burroughs-style "Top 691 songs from 1997."
This post is seriously the dumbest shit we've ever written, but whatever...
At least the formatting somewhat resembles the old school version of our website. Headline in Bold followed shortly afterwards by nonsense. This sure takes us back...
Mastodon Surrounded by Twerking Dancers, So Many Butts in "The Motherload" Video
Wow, what a surprise. A headline with the word "Butts" is this week's most popular headline. Twerking is so 2013. Just use the word "ass" next time for double the clicks.
Thom Yorke Releases New Album Tomorrow's Modern Boxes Via BitTorrent
Jesus, he's so perfect. Truly a god among men.
The Pitchfork Guide to Upcoming Releases: Fall 2014
The word "Ovlov" finally appears on Pitchfork in 2014 officially filling their once-per-year quota.
Flying Lotus and Kendrick Lamar Share "Never Catch Me" Video
This song is so dope that we'd rather not ruin it with what might potentially be a shitty vid (kinda like how the "Shake It Off" video more or less ruined that song for us, but that's another story).
Mastodon's Brann Dailor Talks "The Motherload" Video: "It’s Not to Be Taken So Seriously"
Yeah, this is a good point. No one's ever had chicks with butts in a video prior to Mastodon. For shame. Your boring indie-metal is nothing compared to your clearly hateful perception of females and their butts.
Mark Kozelek Challenges the War on Drugs to Let Him Join Them Onstage
This is great. America finally has its own Liam Gallagher-style troll, except this time only like 50 people in the entire world actually care.
Mark Kozelek Apologizes to The War on Drugs
Make that 10 people. (lol)
FKA twigs Responds to Racist Twitter Abuse
But Robert Patternson is too dreamy and steamy to go on dates with the artist formerly known as Twigs. How could this happen? God, why do you hate us all?
Roger Waters Wants Everybody to Remember That He Left Pink Floyd in 1985, Has Nothing to Do With the New Pink Floyd Album
Now why would he do that? Everyone knows that Pink Floyd's two finest works are clearly The Division Shitter and A Momentary Lapse of Schlong Juice.
Stream Caribou's New Album Our Love
Sure, but only if you stream "Foulbrood" first.