Monday, October 1, 2012

true stories about n64 in 1996

True story: This really weird girl at church was sitting on the ground next to the priest while he was giving his sermon. The priest was kinda walking around with his microphone and he went up to the girl and he asks "So what do YOU want for Christmas?" and she said "Nintendo 64." And then everyone in the church was like gasping because they couldn't believe such innocence could produce such a vulgar response. The child was condemned into exile moments later. A week later she made this video...

Not drunk enough??

#131 Guided By Voices “Cut-Out Witch” (Peel Session)

drunk doesn't even cover it with these guys

#130 Bongzilla "Lighten Up"

huge rips / monster riffs. This is what you listen to while you pig out on buckets of junk food for 6 hours straight. "Light'em up." Get it?

#129 OMC “How Bizarre”

OMC liked to chill while driving in his convertible firehawk camero thundereagle and he used to pick up hitchhikers but only if they were asian and he made them sit in the backseat and listen to "How Bizarre" while he lipsynched and that's what this song was written about. It charted state-side in 1997, but hit #1 in the UK in '96 SO THIS SONG COUNTS FOR 96 OKAY?? Also, this guy is now dead. Wanna learn the rest? HEY! Buy the rights.

#128 Jay-Z “Cashmere Thoughts”

For about 3 months in late 1995 Jay-Z had an obsession with mullets and mullet culture and he wrote 3 albums worth of songs only about mullets. "Cashmere Thoughts" is the only one that made it onto Reasonable Doubt. Around this time, he ended up ghost-writing the third verse of "Cut The Mullet" by Wesley Willis.

#127 Pulp “Mile End”

Rent Boy's bein' responsible. Caught a job & no more methadon. (purposely spelled wrong because in Trainspotting the mom says "METH-ah-din")

#126 Ghostface Killah “All That I Got Is You”

featuring Mary J. On the bus on the way to school, this song would play while kids were filling up their bowls of fruit loops with tap water.

#125 Pearl Jam “Habit”

Vedder wrote the song "Lukin" while he was hiding in Matt Lukin's house, after a bunch of fans were running up and down the street and were looking for Vedder. We don't really like "Lukin" that much, but "Habit" is cool, but it doesn't have as good of a story.

#124 Harry Pussy “Ride A Dove”

"I have GOT to get me one of these." - Harry Pussy while starting up the alien spacecraft in Independence Day

#123 The Posies “Grant Hart”

Unfortunate: the 2 most important movies of the 90s (The Net [1995] and Speed 2: Cruise Control [1997]) just narrowly missed out from ass document consideration. The Posies would later go on to form the band Big Star.

#122 Aphex Twin “Cornish Acid”

Richard D James reprised his role as the lead singer of C+C Music Factory only once in 1992 at a one-off concert, which was the first ever public performance of "Cornish Acid." That's his real face. It was not manipulated by Chris Cunningham.

#121 Soundgarden “Ty Cobb”


#120 Space Needle “Before I Lose My Style”

This one is kinda cheating... We're counting this as a 1996 single released from a 1995 album, and Space Needle didn't receive any significant press until 1996 anyway. (They have a 1996 7-inch but neither song is as good as "Before I Lose My Style.")

#119 Outkast “Wheelz Of Steel”

"If this bitch friend of yours doesn't get here soon I'm gonna have to shave again." - Big Boi speaking to Andre 3000 while they wait for bitches.

#118 The Swirlies “San Cristobal De Las Casas”

We could be totally wrong here, but are The Swirlies currently more popular than ever? "90s resurgence" in 2012? This is really actually happening.

#117 Ash “Oh Yeah”

Ash is 15. Or maybe they're like 16 or 17. But they're high school age. And they were just like "whatever, we're 15" and it wasn't a big deal. But like, when Britney and Taylor Swift and Jordy had their first songs out, they were all like "I can't wait to grow up, life is so unfair, I need to masturbate in my videos more often so that I can feel like I'm older." But Ash never worried about that bullshit. They just did their thing.

#116 Nada Surf “Deeper Well”

The song "Popular" is not very popular with us HEH. Actually it's ok but it's lower than #253 on this list, and so is "Sucked Out" by Superdrag. SORRY KIDS. "Deeper Well" 4 life.

#115 Beck “High 5 (Rock The Catskills)”

YEAH! (yeah.)

#114 Mr. Dibbs "B-Boys Revenge '96 (Porkopolis Turntable Jazz)"

"They call me Mr. Dibbs." - Mr. Dibbs.

#113 Dr. Octagon “halfsharkalligatorhalfman”

You have bees flying around your rectum.

#112 Brendan Benson “Emma J”

The kids used to call him "Bendin' Brenson" and he'd be all like "FUCK YOU GUYS" and his reaction made the kids laugh even more. And when we say "used to" we mean this happened two weeks ago when a bunch of 12-year-olds saw him at Applebee's and walked up to him just for the fun of tormenting.

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