| #61 - #41 || #40 - #21 || #20 - #1 || Reissues |
Tracks 2008-2018:
| #129 - #99 || #98 - #65 || #64 - 37 || #36 - #1 |
Our "Greatest Tracks Of All Time Since This Blog Started" canon originally shot to cover Aug '08 to Aug '18, but we missed that date by two entire years! Whoops!
Since this list is two years late, we blurred a lot of the guidelines in a manner atypical of most listicles. We made up some shit and stuck to it.
We decided it doesn't need to cover exactly 10 years, and there's no real reason to bookend its span with The Christian New Year.
Instead of 1/1/10 through 12/31/19, we eliminated recent music (thoroughly covered back in March) in favor of forgotten tracks from the late 2000s that were largely enjoyed in the subsequent decade. (Not kidding: People listened to 2008-2009 music more in the 2010s than they did in the 2000s. It's true. Look it up.)
We sought to correct an ugly pattern called "the ignored 5% of the decade." After remembering how many blogs posted their 2000s canon in the summer of 2009, we figured it would make sense to move our start date earlier. The 2nd half of 2009 included an especially rich series of cultural paradigm shifts, ie the world of trap mixtapes, loud rock debuts, chillwave, witchhouse.
Our loose timeline starts with "Teen Creeps" and closes with "Excalibur" because we think these tracks are milestones of their respective eras. This loosely signifies May 2008 through November 2018, but we blurred it even further designating Spring 2008 through Fall 2018. So it's longer than a decade by less than a year. Because why not?
Also it's a countdown, and the numbers have some meaning, although these ARE NOT in an exact order. Instead of agonizing over the placements, we clustered tracks with arbitrary categorization, and ordered them based on our own preference within those ties.
Ooh boy. What's gonna happen?
129. Mary Kate & Ashley “Gimme Pizza Slow” (2010)
128. My Dick “Dick In Heaven” (2013)
127. MW1 “My Butt (Part 1)” (2015)
126. MW1 “My Butt (Part 2)” (2015)
125. MW1 “My Butt (Part 3)” (2015)
Kicking things off hard with the "VIP" of this era. We were about to say that these are all musically generous tracks, but "Dick In Heaven" kind of ruins that. But the others are all musically generous.
"Pizza"
"Pizza" is the pinnacle of pizza memes, the pinnacle of Youtube, possibly the pinnacle of the internet.
| 500 Jams (2016): #228 | One Third Decade Wrap Up (2013): #20 |
"Dick In Heaven"
We saw My Dick perform at the Boston Music Awards in 2013, and we were too wasted to write down the set list. Maybe they played "Dick In Heaven." A lot of people prefer "Fast Dick," which is also fine. Swap them out if you want.
"My Butt" : | Youtube |
The MW1 discography is small but crucial. One of his tapes has a Lumpy cover, and the other one was only released on Archive.Org which is probably the best way to distribute music. If you happen to own the Cool Bands 3 comp, congratulations: It's now worth about $90.
124. Justin Bieber f/ Kanye West & Raekwon The Chef “Runaway Love (Remix)” (2010)
123. Lil Yachty “Bring It Back” (2017)
122. Kitty Pryde “Okay Cupid” (2012)
We're grouping together a lot of these partially because the exact placements don't really matter. We're only counting these down because a) we like the way countdowns look, and b) it supposedly heightens engagement.
"Runaway Love (Remix)"
The remix from Neversaynever: The Remixes, which actually might be Justin Bieber's all time greatest jam, and it probably should have place here. Instead, we have Kanye's remix, which we're pretty sure was a GOOD Fridays drop in the weeks leading up to MBDTF. In retrospect, Kanye and Bieber's Twitter exchange was probably a pre-determined publicity stunt. "A return to the same sunshine heard in early 90’s pop hits like Tevin Campbell’s “Round And Round” or Shanice’s “I Love Your Smile.”"
| Hot Mix (2010): #19 | Once Again for 2010 (2011): #8 |
"Bring It Back"
"Yachty is calling "Bring it back!" to a time that never existed."
| Hot Mix (2017): #1 |
"Okay Cupid"
"She sounds privileged, suburban, millennial, materialistic ... We think she's playing a character. The sample sounds like one of the warped and possibly backwards-spun outro sections from Loveless."
| Hot Mix (2012): #34 |
121. Shellac “Dude Incredible” (2014)
"The ominous guitar lick in the intro [suggests] a full island mutiny."
| Hot Mix (2014): #3 |
120. Japandroids “Young Hearts Spark Fire” (2009)
119. The Horrors “Still Life” (2011)
Indie-punk from that era that wasn't definitively 2010s just yet.
"Young Hearts Spark Fire"
"Their name is wack."
| Hot Mix (2009): #11 | One More Time For 2009 (2010): #21 | Hot Mix '09 (2015): #15 |
"Still Life"
"We previously brushed these guys aside as more of a novelty band. But their 2011 transformation from punk-goth to psychedelic-goth seems like one of those career-defining decisions, along the lines of "Radiohead gets more depressed." The backwards guitars and horn section in “Still Life” suggest nothing short of a perfect marriage between Joy Division and Magical Mystery Tour."
| Hot Mix (2011): #20 |
118. I Hate Sex “I Fucking Hate Sports” (2015)
An incredibly musical punk song... Nine seconds later, all hell will break loose. *SCREEEEEEAM.* It's a depressingly intense frustration with an inability to find a place that fits. Catharsis helps."
| Hot Mix (2015): #69 |
117. Drake & Future “Big Rings” (2015)
116. Drake “Hotline Bling” (2015)
Block dedicated to tfw you realize Drake is more pop than rap, or basically the Justin Timberlake of rap. Could be worse."Big Rings"
| Hot Mix (2015): #53" |
"Hotline Bling" | Youtube |
| Hot Mix (2015): #87 |
115. CCR Headcleaner “Tear Down The Wall” (2016)
114. Ovlov “The Great Ohmu” (2014)
113. Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats “Runaway Girls” (2014)
The "psychedelic huge riffs" block."Tear Down The Wall"
"The title phrase's 2nd un-shouted, psychotic-sounding utterance is what really pushes this over the top. Drunken absurdity destroys reality. Prepare for the public crucifixion. If extremes are what it takes to get people to listen, then tear it down already."
| Hot Mix (2016): #6 |
"The Great Ohmu"
"One of those "Godzilla knocking down buildings in slow motion" jams that are catnip for people like us."
| Hot Mix (2014): #40 |
"Runaway Girls"
The confluence of Abbey Road and Paranoid.
| Hot Mix (2014): #69 | One Third Decade Wrap Up (2013): #20 |
112. Beyonce f/ Kanye West & Andre 3000 “Party” (2011)
111. Jennifer Lopez f/ French Montana “I Luh Ya Papi” (2014)
110. Tinashe f/ Schoolboy Q “2 On” (2014)
The "[Babe] featuring [Rapper Dude]" block."Party" : | Youtube |
"2011’s least-party-sounding song with the word “Party” in its title, it’s closer to a 30-something get-together where people who secretly wish they were more adventurous drink champagne and discuss stock options. But at least they’re getting laid."
| Hot Mix (2011): #61 |
"I Luh Ya Papi" : | Youtube |
Everyone had at least one classic from the 2010s. Even J.Lo. Do people still call her J.Lo?
| Hot Mix (2014): #105 |
"2 On" : | Youtube |
"While the production never strays from nearing perfection, the true spotlight is reserved for Tinashe's understated starriness, eerily similar to Aaliyah's quiet charisma."
| "Hot Mix (2014): #4 | Two-Thirds Decade Warp Up (2016): #8 |
109. Ryan Leslie “Diamond Girl” (2008)
108. Pill “Dimes Of Hard” (2009)
Somehow we missed DatPiff's bio boasting Pill as "Killer Mike's weed carrier/maybe not weed carrier." "Dimes Of Hard" did not blow up as much as we hoped, but Pill's take on "the always welcome video arcade pling of Ryan Leslie’s “Diamond Girl”" is an ultra-rarity in mixtape history -- one of the very few cases where his freestyle and the original might have been equally definitive.
"Diamond Girl" : | Youtube |
| Hot Mix (2009): #36 | Hot Mix '08 (2015 version): #4 |
"Dimes Of Hard"
"Another beautiful day, gotta thank the Lord for that." - @Pill4180
| Hot Mix (2009): #57 | One More Time For 2009 (2010): #20 |
107. Kacey Musgraves “High Horse” (2018)
106. Hospitality “It’s Not Serious” (2014)
The "summery nostalgic pop" block.
"High Horse"
"The greatest disco-country song of the decade. As for the drug metaphor, it's as clear as day: "Horse" is also known as "Riding the H-Train." You know that expression "there's enough here to kill a horse?"
| Hot Mix (2018): #7 |
"It's Not Serious"
"No gimmicks here. Just flawlessly structured songwriting and musicianship, warm and understated - the type that we wish would come around more often these days. Seriously, this could have been on Dusty In Memphis. It even has a bass solo!"
| Hot Mix (2014): #31 |
105. Ariana Grande f/ The Weeknd “Love Me Harder” (2014)
""Love Me Harder" seems like her official "sexualized" rite-of-passage moment into "maturity," which really wouldn't matter to us at all if the song wasn't jam-packed with hooks galore. We never expected to hear this much Max Martin on the radio this far into the game."
| Hot Mix (2014): #18 |
104. Rival Schools “Shot After Shot” (2011)
103. Two Inch Astronaut “Cigarettes Boys & Movies” (2014)
102. Stove “Dusty Weather” (2015)
101. Yuck “Holing Out” (2011)
100. The Brontosaur “This Is Not A Paradise” (2008)
99. Silversun Pickups “Substitution” (2009)
The vaguely emo/grunge block. We're sadly stuck in the only dimension of the multiverse where these did not chart on Billboard Modern Rock airplay, where the business of record promotion did not become consumed by its own capitalist missteps, where alternative rock radio did not disappear in the mid 2000s, where poptimist journalists didn't incorrectly brand all melodic loud-guitar music as a contrived fad pandering to nostalgia fetishists. This music has its roots in the early '80s, not the '90s; it's still here 35 years later, and it's not going anywhere.
“Shot After Shot”
The lead single from Rival Schools' long-awaited second record. "If they can tap into their old ways so effortlessly, this gives us hope that a Quicksand reunion would blow minds apart." Little did we know, "Shot After Shot" might have been Walter Schreifels' best of the decade.
| Hot Mix (2011): #30 |
“Cigarettes Boys & Movies”
Also known as "Boys Boys and Boys," here's a beautifully constructed Two Inch power-ballad that somehow completely missed out on our "Best of 2014" in favor of half of the other tracks from their outstanding Foulbrood LP. We later hugely regretted the error choosing "Cigarettes" for our mid-decade list.
| Two-Thirds Decade Warp Up (2016): #15 |
“Dusty Weather”
Big power-ballad energy from Stove. "Two online reviews of Stove Is Stupider individually note the ignition of the Big Muff in "Dusty Weather's" outro as an album highlight; while we're inclined to agree, the preceding 3 minutes and 20 seconds of quiet restraint are equally crucial."
| Hot Mix (2015): #35 |
“Holing Out”
"Rock-journos use the retro-90s tag with an offensive scoffing undercurrent, quietly projecting negative connotations." Again, this was a problem throughout this entire decade. The journalism-majors who controlled the 2010s canon essentially insisted: "It's a retro fad; it will be gone soon, so don't take it seriously." Meanwhile, the biggest rock songs of the 2010s were "Under The Bridge" and "Plush," and new bands within this same subgenre are still emerging with great singles and albums as recently as Summer 2020. So apparently poptimists were dead wrong; for some reason, they really want to push rock fans away from the genre's best current music. Can we finally fix this already?
| Hot Mix (2011): #25 |
“This Is Not A Paradise” : | Youtube |
Talk about buried gems. "If you're a sucker for cussing in the chorus, or songs that sound like Failure's Fantastic Planet, or huge epic codas, you may agree with this track as the album's standout."
| Hot Mix (2009): #14 | One More Time For 2009 (2010): #16 | Hot Mix '08 (2015): #14 |
“Substitution”
Here's the proof that melodic loud-guitar-rock actually IS marketable and still sounds great on the radio, since it's the only one from this bunch that actually charted, peaking at #17 on Billboard Alternative in October 2009.
| Hot Mix '09 (2015): #10 |
| #61 - #41 || #40 - #21 || #20 - #1 || Reissues |
Tracks 2008-2018:
| #129 - #99 || #98 - #65 || #64 - 37 || #36 - #1 |
"This definitive version is also among the album's most crucial decisions. Within the album sequence (appearing after "Yeah I Said It"), it's the moment when the planets align. It's when Anti eclipses itself and swallows the sum of its parts. She is the undefeated heavyweight world champion of not giving one single fuck. She's aware of the critique, and it shouldn't surprise anyone if she responds by including two more 7-minute Tame Impala covers on her next record just to prove how little she cares about what anyone thinks."
The "social and racial commentary" block.
"Now That's What I Call Metal And Drugs Volume 420"
We are too embarrassed to announce the theme of this block.
Artists with stans.
Basement punk show with dollar Modello.
It's too difficult to separate these, so here they are. Together again.
Power-indie.
The most fire guitar solos of the decade.
Golf Wang's Greatest Hits.
Our attempted tag Post-Rubber Soul did not catch so well. Go figure. (On a personal note, these are among our top scrobbles.)
Next level shit. A few candidates for "The Whisper Song of the 2010s." (And they all made our 
Dreamy, melodic, and excruciatingly loud.
Sweet leaf. Melodic doom. We can't tell the difference.
"Fuckin' Problems"
Huge party jams. Huger than the previous party block. Sorry, we couldn't think of anything good.
Feel the fire. 
We're not sure if this is the actual "Top 3" of the entire decade, but all three are perfect enough to land somewhere in the actual top 10, and they collectively fulfill a solid representation of their era.