Happy New Beer

Best Live Rock Moments We Saw In 2014

Figured we should try goin' out with 1 more (hastily thrown together) rock list before the year's all over and finished. Much like our guilty pleasure lists (which we no longer post every year, although '80 guilt, '90s guilt, and 2000s guilt lists have shown up in the blogspot version of TMK) or our "vomit" lists, it's a personal one that doesn't really matter to anyone more than the writers of this website, since few people experienced the exact same shows as us.

We saw A LOT of shows this year. Probably too many. Way more than we wanted to. It's probably been the #1 coolest benefit of travelling around in a rock band for more than half of the year. As a result, we were fortunate enough to catch some of the best live sets we've ever seen. From those sets, here are what we thought were the best moments.

Honorable mention: Earl Sweatshirt reciting almost every word while backstage during Schoolboy Q (Chicago)


Honorable mention: Nick Cave doing the thing where he spontaneously jumps into this weird dance move thing where he points while lunging forward cuing the band to nail the intro of the song without a count off (Louisville)


#10 The Jicks covering "Outdoor Miner" (Pioneertown & Seattle)
(not on Youtube but "Stereo" is so yeah)


#9 TIE between Sloan closing their 1st set (of 2) with "Pen Pals" and starting their 1st set with a 17-minute song that many initially thought was a medley of 4 or 5 different songs (Hamden)


#8 Ex-Breathers at Office Lounge (Tallahassee)
(nothing on Youtube unfortunately, but there's a set from the following day so close enough)


#7 Lil B's grand entrance when our picture ended up on 50 people's instagrams (SUNY Purchase)


#6 The sporadic remnants of Grass Is Green's Halloween '13 set as Chavez throughout January 2014 (Jacksonville, New Brunswick, and a few other spots)


#5 Mystikal's unannounced surprise 2AM 15-minute set at Bonnaroo (Manchester, TN)
("Bumpin' Me Against the Wall," "Shake Ya Ass" and "Danger")


#4 Kris Kuss's drumstick acrobatics during Pile's "Special Snowflakes" (every show)


#3 Palberta at Palisades (Brooklyn)
(not on Youtube n stuff)


#2 Mark E Smith stumbling while screaming into kick drum mics, turning up amps to 11 and unplugging stuff (Nîmes)


#1 Slint "Good Morning Captain" at Primavera (Barcelona)

"New York's Alright If You Like Sex and Phones"

We didn't expect to find worthy inclusions that missed out on the deadline for Vid Kids 2014 so quickly, and especially not prior to New Years Day. But yes, it happened. "New York's Alright" has a quick back-and-forth sequence between one of their band members standing and a street mural drawn up of the same guy. The video ultimately culminates in a sequence at a record store where one of the band members smashes a copy of Parquet Courts' Light Up Gold LP. Fucking brilliant.

Emma's EOY Rock Listicle

Special thanks to @ween_ebooks for throwin' some dope end-of-year lists in our direction. We're grateful for all these guest contributors who are essentially buying us time while Hot Mix 2014 gets finished up.

The @ween_ebooks Top 10:

1. Myriam Gendron - Not So Deep As A Well (Feeding Tube)


2. Hive Bent - Dyatlov (New Day Rising)


3. Chris Weisman - Monet In The 90s (OSR)


4. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - Piñata (Madlib Invazion)


5. Ex Hex - Rips (Merge)


6. Disco Doom - Numerals (Defer)


7. The Austerity Program - Beyond Calculation (Controlled Burn)


8. Shellac - Dude Incredible (Touch and Go)


9. Narrow Head - Far Removed (Floodlight)


10. Elisa Ambrogio - The Immoralist (Drag City)


Best reissues & compilations: 
Unwound – No Energy
American Football – American Football [Deluxe Edition]
The Clientele – Suburban Light
Life Without Buildings – Any Other City
The Deep Freeze Mice – The Best Of The Deep Freeze Mice
Victrola – Maritime Tatami
Ned Doheny – Separate Oceans
Nikki Sudden & Rowland S. Howard – Kiss You Kidnapped Charabanc
Longmont Potion Castle – LPC Ultimate Session Bundle

Honorable mentions: 
Tinashe – Aquarius
Aphex Twin – Syro
The Gotobeds – Poor People Are Revolting
Geronimo! – Cheap Trick
Ed Schrader's Music Beat – Party Jail
Watery Love – Decorative Feeding
Angel Olsen – Burn Your Fire For No Witness
Multicult – Variable Impulse
Vertical Scratchers – Daughter of Everything
Alex G – DSU
Spider Bags – Frozen Letter

And...Black Messiah screwed up my entire list so I don’t even know what I believe anymore.

Important remarks:
- Got trashed on “Dreaming Tree,” the Dave Matthews brand wine. Maybe I should buy a pukka shell necklace because it’s all downhill from here.
- Aaliyah biopic for film of the year.
- Some venues closed. Asshats posted asshat things on the internet.
- Mark Kozelek wins Player Hater of the Year award, previously occupied by Morrissey.
- Ken Andrews read his setlist off an iPad because everyone is a millennial now.
- Bono: pro-bono?

Maura's 60-Second EOY Rock Lists

Wow, we have guest contributors now. It's almost like we're a legit online publication with actual readers or something.

Special thanks to guest contributor @Maura for rushing over some last minute end-of-year craziness. And by "last minute," we're referring to our suggestion to submit lists written in less than 60 seconds. Without further delay:

TOP LATE '80S/EARLY '90S SONGS THAT I PUT ON REPEAT AT LEAST ONCE
8. enuff z'nuff, 'happy holiday'
7. michael jackson, 'why you wanna trip on me'
6. cry of love, 'peace pipe'
5. cycle sluts from hell, 'i wish you were a beer'
4. pretty boy floyd, 'rock and roll (is gonna set the night on fire)'

3. damn yankees, 'where you goin' now'
2. toy matinee, 'last plane out'
1. roachford, 'cuddly toy'


TOP POLAR SELTZER FLAVORS
9. pomegranate
8. blueberry
7. strawberry
6. blueberry lemonade
5. strawberry champagne
4. raspberry mojito
3. blackberry bergamot
2. triple berry
1. fudge cheesecake

TOP FRUIT FLY TRAPS (thanks bananas)
5. red wine
4. raspberry mojito polar seltzer
3. apple cider vinegar
2. palmolive/water
1. apple cider vinegar/palmolive

BEST CROSSWORD PUZZLE ANSWER THAT SHOWED UP A LOT WITH CLUES THAT MADE ME GIGGLE EVERY TIME, BECAUSE THEY WERE ALWAYS ABOUT EYELINER OR MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
1. "emo"


top three lists i almost made
3. top pieces i almost wrote but didn't
2. most poignant-in-2014 lines from 'we didn't start the fire'
1. best places i fell asleep in 2014 (still might do this one tbh)

Ten Nice Songs from 2014 Reissues

It felt weird putting Michael Jackson in Hot Mix 2014 so this seemed to be a good way to get around it.

10. Music Love and Funk “Stone Lover”

From Purple Snow: Forecasting the Minneapolis Sound.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmmT_Rld2sQ

9. Smashing Pumpkins “Chewing Gum (CRC demo)”

From one of the 5 bonus discs on the Adore reissue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCv-en11cw

8. 6lx “Dynamite”

From I’m Just Like You: Sly’s Stone Flower 1969-70, a collection of singles released on his short-lived imprint.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kKcUczYxdo

7. Black Zone Myth Chant “Centre of the Universe”

Originally from 2011's Straight Cassette https://blackzonemythchant.bandcamp.com/.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42EuPXshJBo

6. American Football “The 7's (Live at The Blind Pig, Champaign, IL, 1997)”

From the Deluxe reissue of their self-titled.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25tD-ZoxGJw

5. Soundgarden “Black Days III”

From the expanded reissue of Superunknown and also a few months later included on the Echo of Miles box set.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YHw8q4Yu8I

4. Michael Jackson "Love Never Felt So Good (original version)”

Demo from 1983, released on Xscape.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw-iK0Nztv0

3. Unwound “Seen Not Heard”

From the No Energy box set.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acFWLaxY1Rg

2. Aby Ngana Diop “Yaye Penda Mbaye”

Originally on cassette in 1994. Preserved at awesometapes.com in 2010 and on vinyl in 2014.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUYViuZfO1E

1. Slint “Pam (Rough Mix)”

From the expanded remastered Spiderland box set.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nW6pfCLpRI

Vid Kids 2014: The Big List

One list completed before New Years Eve. We did it.



Don't look so sad and creepy, Taylor Swift. There will probably be room for you in Hot Mix 2014.

So this should buy us some time now. Plus, some friends offered to contribute to our EOY madness, so those will get posted here as they become available. Here's the complete "best of 2014" video list:

Tony Molina "Don't Come Back" (bonus)
TV On The Radio "Happy Idiot" (bonus)
Guided By Voices "Bad Love is Easy to Do" (bonus)
Action Bronson "Easy Rider" (bonus)

BERU "Beasts from the Sea" (Honorable mention)
JUCE "Call You Out" (Honorable mention)

#10 Uncle Acid "Runaway Girls"
#9 Vic Mensa "Down On My Luck"
#8 Lil B "I Love You" (2013)
#7 clipping. "Work Work"
#6 Indiana "Solo Dancing"
#5 Young Money "Senile"
#4 Warpaint "Love Is To Die"
#3 Thundercat "Tron Song" / Mr. Oizo "HAM"
#2 M.I.A. "Dubble Bubble Trouble"
#1 Flying Lotus f/ Kendrick Lamar "Never Catch Me"

Extras:
Beach House "Wishes" (2013)
Ariel Pink "Picture Me Gone"
Mac DeMarco "Passing Out Pieces"

Ready 2 prty dwn.

Vid Kids 2014 #1: Flying Lotus featuring Kendrick Lamar "Never Catch Me"

We made it to the big one, a spirited, upbeat and positive spin on what's typically viewed as the most devastatingly depressing shit ever. "Never Catch Me" was in a few other "best of" lists (notably Pitchfork), so we're assuming people have seen it already. So this might help a bit, as it's tough to describe almost anything that happens in this video without giving away the surprises. But we will say that we were totally cheering them on when they fucking stole the hearse. Like, "Yeah man, do it. Steal that hearse. Go go go!"

Vid Kids 2014 #2: M.I.A. & The Partysquad “Dubble Bubble Trouble”

Dude, first and foremost, any claim that regards M.I.A. as anything other than a genius is now no longer relevant since she has officially "gone there." Not because of the brilliance of incorporating 3D-printer-created guns in her video, but because she's the first to realize the power of sampling Shampoo's 1994 minor-hit "Trouble" pulled from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers soundtrack CD. Let's not even get into the warped half-faces printed on the burkas, or the teen make-out hallway party, or what can only be described as LSD-influenced flashes of joy and wonder. Okay, we should probably stop there before giving away too much. Edit: Also puppies.

Vid Kids 2014 #3: Thundercat "Tron Song" / Mr. Oizo "HAM"

Whoa, two many Erics. We had no other choice but to tie these up due to the E.Andre/E.Wareheim connection (both associated with Abso Lutely Productions). And of course who could forget Flat Eric, the star of what was once called our 20th favorite video of all time??

It may be difficult to ignore the intensity of "Tron Song's" juxtaposition. The song's chill atmosphere - nearly comparable to that of Chris Weisman or possibly a similar NNA artist - strangely works alongside the relatively extreme images typically associated with Andre's penchant for removing all oxygen from our brains due to excessive belly laughs. Plus, there's so many little details that only reveal themselves after the 10th time. Cod liver oil? Upside down bass? Fireplace on TV? And even though we've now seen this about 10 times, the post-song outro still kills us.

Wareheim recently contributed his acting skills to the Oizo-directed Wrong Cops, one of our favorite movies of 2014. And just over this past month, Eric returned the favor by not only directing Mr. Oizo's latest video, but getting John C. Reilly himself to star. As much as we're usually weirded out by the expression "icing on the cake," we're kinda lost for any other way to describe the happiness received from the Flat Eric references. Weirdo-dark lmao ending. (Perhaps some context can be shed here... We just noticed in the video description that this is an excerpt from something called Rubberhead. vimeo.com/ondemand/rubberhead. We may have to check this out soon.)

Vid Kids 2014 #4: Warpaint "Love Is to Die"

Damn yo. Congrats to Warpaint for pulling Chris Cunningham back in the game. This shit looks f'n gorgeous. And mad props to whoever posted the Youtube comment "when is this coming out?!!!!??!!!! lol" and basically capturing our exact feelings on how this thing has kept us excited in anticipation for so long. You couldn't ask for a better teaser vid.

Vid Kids 2014 #5: Young Money featuring Tyga, Nicki Minaj & Lil Wayne "Senile"

Can't believe we're only at #5 and already shouting "how the fuck is this not #1" during the last review. This might be an historic instance as probably the last video with appearances from both Birdman and Wayne. And what does it say on her tummy? Possibly "Barbie?" On that note, we might as well start handing out some awards:
- Best Huka
- Best Shake-weights
- Best Gang Colors
- The "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" award for excellence in the field of black-light manipulation
- Best Alice Cooper (wait, that might not actually be him, but close enough).

Vid Kids 2014 #6: Indiana “Solo Dancing"

When we learned about Beavis & Butthead's resurgence back in 2010, our minds immediately started wondering and wandering around the idea of untapped music video commentary. And we know we weren't alone, although many of those in our company were probably thinking "hell yeah, boy band X and pop singer Y will finally get what they deserve." We simply anticipated ANY commentary, with dozens of videos produced between 1997 and 2011 coming to mind. For whatever reason, we had hopes reaching as high as Tyler The Creator's "Yonkers," No Age's "Eraser," or possibly even jumping all the way back to the untapped late-'90s with Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping." Our hopes - like the hopes of many others - were ultimately crushed after learning that Mike Judge was not using this as an opportunity to scratch that particular itch. B&B did watch a few videos here and there, but there were at least 2 instances where 30 minutes passed with no video commentary at all.

On occasion, a pop video like "Solo Dancing" will surface that seems almost too perfect for B&B's couch jokes. In this instance, the entire 3:33 is devoted to literal interpretations of euphemisms. Huh-huh-huh. Check it out. She's twirling her dreidel. Huh-huh. Hey, check it out. She's petting her kitty. And so on, and so forth...

Vid Kidz 2014 #7: clipping. featuring Cocc Pistol Cree "Work Work"

It's been a minute since we've seen a solid one-shot video (and as usual we're on the fence as to whether we should have "one-shot" in quotes since - like most "one-shot" movies - it appears to be comprised of more than one shot). One can imagine that it must hurt to bite onto concrete for longer than 2 minutes. Poor clipping. We don't know what he did to deserve such as fate. Perhaps it has something to do with keeping mice imprisoned.

Vid Kids 2014 #8: Lil B "I Love You" (2013)

Yeah we know this is from 2013 but we liked it better than any of his videos from the past year, and they're mostly all the same anyway. (Sorry.) He usually just lipsynchs into the camera and shows off some moves and it's pretty much always amazing. But Lil B has a softer side. When he's not pursuing the mean streets of Los Angeles, he's chillin' at the pet shop with Keke the Cat. Because Lil B and Keke love the pet shop. And for real, how many other rappers have cried fucking real tears in their video? "Most honest/touching" is not too far off.

Vid Kids 2014 #9: Vic Mensa "Down On My Luck"

So basically the whole point of "Down On My Luck" is that he gets to smoke weed at the end. We heard from sources that Bill Murray actually endorsed and funded this video after its premise was originally intended for the script of Groundhog Day 2 in which he goes through the whole process of reliving the same day over and over again until he finally makes it to the end just to light up a fat blunt. Believe us - we understand.

Vid Kids 2014 #10: Uncle Acid "Runaway Girls"

"Runaway Girls" continues the same concept and premise as their carefully crafted found-footage escapade "Ritual Knife" from way back in 2011. As a consequence, Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats remain shrouded in mystery with their faces never shown, just the way it should be.

Vid Kids 2014 (HM): BERU "Beasts from the Sea" / Juce "Call You Out"

Much like our last go 'round with a "best videos of the year" thing, our favorite video directors were almost nowhere to be found. But that's not entirely true. AG Rojas had some stuff this year.

Also, we just found out that 2014 marked the end of Michel Gondry's 3-year hiatus from trippy weirdo vids after he agreed to shoot a quicky for Metronomy.

Mark Romanek fucked up big time. Had he stuck to music video retirement following 2003/2004, he would have gone out on top after capturing Johnny Cash physically entering the gates of hell ("Hurt") and one of the greatest portraits of Brooklyn ever committed to film ("99 Problems" - coincidentally a double-case of "shoulda stayed retired.")

But no, of course Romanek just couldn't say no to a request from Taylor "God" Swift asking him to purposely make her look as awkward and embarrassing as possible in the "Shake It Off" video. It was an intriguing idea that ultimately encouraged enough wincing and discomfort that they basically sacrificed its rewatchability, somewhat missing the point of trying to create something that still looks dope the 100th time.

And Jonathan Glazer's a big-time film director now. Under The Skin was as close to Kubrick as 2014 got. Hopefully he'll stick to more stuff like this in the future.

It's harder to keep up on videos these days. But we tried. And here are our honorable mentions...

The BERU video stars all of the organisms that exist on the green earth and everything else in the universe that is circular and colorful. This ensemble cast landed a coveted role playing themselves remaining unaware how close they have come to certain grim death, or at least that's what the music seems to be suggesting.


In the Juce video, she's all paranoid and bummin' because the girl who looks like Charli XCX is all up in this dude's shit, and Juce is too reserved to go all Jerry Springer on her ass and be like "yo punk get the fuck away from my man" or whatever.

Vid Kids 2014: Bonus vids

Vid Kids is proud to present our Bonus vids. These are the ones we nominated for the Top 10 that missed out completely but bonus is still cool n stuff.

Tony Molina "Don't Come Back"
Tony Molina was able to fit more than 1 quick song into his video. So he actually threw a bonus into the bonus. We like when those guys in the background have their own secret parties unbeknownst to Tony Molina. We probably also did burrito-on-the-beach once, but we can't remember.


TV On The Radio "Happy Idiot"
Paul Reubens has still never shaken himself clear of his compelling awkwardness, which usually shines through when he tries to do anything other than Peewee.


Guided By Voices "Bad Love is Easy to Do"
This reminded us of Yo La Tengo's "Sugarcube" while also kinda sadly foreshadowing Pollard and Sprout's IRL split a few months later.


Action Bronson "Easy Rider"
Dependable PCP fights.

EOY AYO EYE (Vid Kids 2014 starts now.)

Okay we're gonna start the EOY shit now.

Yeah so we did a videos list.

A note: Only two of the songs within this post or among the "Bonus" videos, Honorable mentions or Top 10 are redundant with Hot Mix 2014. So in case anyone was wondering if the videos list is spoiling shit, the answer is "no."

We didn't do a videos list last year, and so we'll post Beach House's "Wishes" here now because it would have made the list last year if we weren't so got damn fuckin' lazy.



And a couple others straglers that also weren't good enough. For shame.

At least Mr. Pink bothered to put a bulldog in his video. So he gets mentioned here. We like the creepy faces.


As for good ol' Mac, we like the first 40 seconds of this video a lot, but then the rest is just like "uhhhh" "ehhh."

holiday greetings

miguel wut

Congratulations to us for preparing the only year-end list rewarded by the virtues of patience. Has literally anyone else been waiting it out?

Soundin' rull good too. Happy 4:20.

comeback cum

Al on Youtube Part 1

We've decided that we're going to try and locate any Youtube videos that just happen to also be on a VHS that we made called "Al" back in 2006. It's a VHS compilation of random shit from TV and maybe 7 or 8 copies currently exist. We'll post more as they become available.

Hot Mix Prep

omg omg it's coming.

So excited about unveiling Hot Mix 2014. I hope we don't fuck it up too badly.

Not yet sure if we'll be doing a videos list or a vomit list. We didn't do either last year. But yeah, Hot Mix hasn't changed. 100 songs with blurbs, followed by "best albums."

Regarding December releases, J. Cole and Lil Wayne are out of the running. Wayne's album won't be out this year, and J. Cole's is kinda boring. So hopefully Nicki, Charli, Kanye and Kendrick can shake things up. Don't let us down, guys.

coming to a head

South Park's enjoyably predictable culmination of the previous 9 episodes was actually way more insane than we had thought it would be. While not as crazy as the Occulus Rift episode from a few weeks back, those two episodes are probably some of the most densely constructed episodes in years.

As much as we'd love to indulge the plotlines any futher, we're already kinda bummed that the episode has shown up in headlines on 50 different websites already and it hasn't even been out for 5 hours. And it's 3AM. Couldn't they at least have waited until the morning? No, of course not. Firstness, you guys.

i mean come awn.

da cops

the officer slammed him against the house and cuffed him. When the boy again said he couldn’t walk, the officer grabbed him by his ankles and dragged him to the car. It turned out the boy had been on crutches when he answered the door, and couldn’t walk.

Even when officers get caught, they know they’ll be investigated by their friends, and put on paid leave.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/12/06/i-was-a-st-louis-cop-my-peers-were-racist-and-violent-and-theres-only-one-fix/

the history of human consciousness

It's weird to think about how it's an exciting time to be experiencing everything we take for granted.

It seems a lot harder to say this as time progresses, as we look back on previous eras, which may seem like simpler times on the surface when in fact we were only doing a very good job of lying to ourselves.

There were 2.5 billion of us in 1950. Today there are 7.1 billion. There are obviously way WAY more of "us" now than there were of "us" a hundred or a thousand years ago and earlier. So if we were to somehow measure the length of time within every moment of human consciousness that's ever happened...

We just googled "how many humans have ever existed?" and they threw 108 billion at us.

Which means that at least 6.5% of every moment of human consciousness (up until now) has been taking place within the lifetimes of everyone who is currently alive. That percentage should be higher because lifetimes are currently longer than they used to be. But either way, the percentage is constantly increasing. Over 6.5% of everyone (ever) has been experiencing 2014 and all it's various ups and downs. So as far as humans are concerned, this is actually a pretty huge moment in the history of our existence, since so many of us have been around to experience it.

So there's really two ways to view whether or not we - our actions and reactions, our efforts and our mistakes - matter. Scientists will note that humans are only a blip, and our lives really have no meaning if you take literally everything that's ever existed and will ever exist into context. But if you love humans as a species and care about humankind and the course of our history, then now really does matter a lot since an entire 6.5% of "us" (every one of us that has ever been here) is here within this moment and has been experiencing 2014 in all its glory. Now probably matters. It's a big moment.

there's no such thing as a social issue without a hashtag

This is probably an ok time to get into stuff like this... None of the past few months of posts on this page have received more than 10 views, and I don't feel comfortable posting my opinions in a forum where everyone I've ever met will see it. If a handful of people I know see this, then fine. I just wish more of my friends would opt to post their opinions on unpopular blogs, because it sometimes makes so much more sense than displaying it so openly. I'll never understand how so many people, including many of my best friends, can constantly crave that type of exposure. Sometimes for their jobs, and I suppose that makes sense. Usually it's for simple validation. Often times it's out of perceived loneliness. "If my social media post about the opinion that I'm currently perceiving to be unpopular garners at least 3 or 4 people clicking 'like' then it means that I was right all along and I'll be able to sleep soundly tonight."

I haven't purposely been avoiding social media posts for the past two weeks, but I just don't have any words for what's been happening that would be any more profound than what everyone else has already been saying. I suppose the hurt, disappointment and frustration have been echoed throughout my specific online community, and there's comfort in knowing that you have acquaintances smart enough to match everything you're feeling. To some extent, the shitty news has strengthened our fight.

The "trending" box on Facebook has been particularly annoying as of the past 6 months or however long it's been there. They want every user to grow an addiction to clickbait so they can follow our trends. It's so transparent, and 9 out of 10 of those stories are so fucking stupid that it probably makes others - not just myself - wish that the box could just go away. But it's always there, at the top of our newsfeeds, staring at us, telling us which news stories are the most important ones based on algorhythms or whatever. If you click "x" to make it go away, it asks why you want it go to away, and I usually respond "offensive." And then it's infinitely replaced by other stories that are equally stupid.

The Jon Stewart story from today only stood out to me because I just happened to see The Daily Show for the first time in over a year last night, not because I was interested in their perspective but because I missed South Park due to the Nets game going into overtime. So I just got some work done while keeping on Comedy Central for the rest of the night waiting until the rerun at 12:30. And today the top headline on my "trending" box was regarding Jon Stewart's "serious" tone last night. I mean, I saw it last night on TV. It wasn't any more serious than any other time I've seen The Daily Show. He looked up at the sky and screamed the word "Fuck." And it was awesome, because that's basically exactly how I feel about everything that's been happening. He's basically just echoing our frustration and hurt. And they did play a really good video of two cats massaging each other to break up the awkwardness of discussing such a bummer on a comedy show.

But Facebook wants people to click, so they leave everything open-ended. "You'll never believe what happens next." Jesus, just shut the fuck up already. Whoever invented that sentence should seriously get dragged into a shark tank and left for dead.

It's not like these lynchings are a new thing. Hundreds (probably even thousands) of them since Rodney King have taken place but never gone to trial just the same as the big news stories from the past few weeks. Because the system isn't working. It breeds bullying, racism and other disgusting patterns. Even I get that, and I'm an idiot.

Hell Yes to the "Sorta Cliffhanger But Not Really" Motif
South Park did not get into serious subject matter last night. Lorde (a.k.a. Randy Marsh) played a "Women of Rock" concert along with Miley, Iggy and. Nicki. The only one out of those three who Trey and Matt spared from trashing was Nicki Minaj, who almost seemed as if she was about to befriend Lorde in one brief moment just before Lorde look the stage. It appears as though next week episode might be a large culmination of all 9 previous plotlines from this past season.

See, this is a case where it MAKES SENSE to leave shit open ended. I'm actually excited to find out what happens next week, whereas using these tactics for quick-click ad revenue kinda just leaves everyone feeling used.

I was thinking of going deeper into this but there's too much going on right now.

The Year Is Not Over Yet
Speaking of open-endedness, we're pretty psyched for the next month of releases from J.Cole, Charli XCX, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, and the possibility of releases from Kanye and Kendrick. Among all of these forthcoming albs, we find it somewhat inconceivable that there won't be a few jams hot enough to immediately enter Hot Mix's Top 20. In fact, we're counting on it.

Although thinking back to 10 years ago, late 2004 was strong enough of an era where a similar trend took place. The era of "1 Thing" and "Since U Been Gone" wasn't quite immediate enough to make its impact prior to January 2005. So it's not like it's the end of the world to see a few post-EOY-results releases missing out. But if we're truly speaking about "the best of 2014," why wouldn't more people just want to wait it out?

The obvious answer is "firstness," but hey look what happened to our albums of the year? It wasn't posted until August. We cornered the market on last-ness and it actually ended up helping.

a website with no year-end list is not a real website

The numbers in our page-visits have dropped significantly within the past year or so. Oh well. What can ya do. Life happens.

We would have kept up on this better had life not happened. And it's not like life wasn't happening before, but so many things showed up all at once over the past 12 months that some things had to get dropped, albeit temporarily.

However, one thing that will probably never get dropped are Year-End-Lists.

There is no way in hell that our collective brains will ever be able to downshift and tap the breaks on our intense passion to answer the question "what the fuck would our hypothetical best-of-the-year look like?" We do not have the ability or the strength to withstand any thought other than "Year end lists are a life priority and if you seriously think this is going to be the first year since you were 11 without a year end list then you are a massive failure."

We simply can't NOT write up a massive year-end-list. Every fucking year we tell ourselves "don't do this next year." But then the end of the year shows up, and it's like "who the fuck are we kidding. This has to be done." And we don't feel like analyzing "why" either. There's so much happening right now that we don't have time to figure out why. Only do. Like Yoda. Or Nike. Just fucking do it. Get it done and over.

bey is like

Bey is like "omg you guys i am so close to zach hill right now."

New Death Grips vinyl reveals that Robert Pattinson played guitar on "Birds" http://t.co/l7DJjSZOx4 pic.twitter.com/YNh3cbVcsa

— Stereogum (@stereogum) November 29, 2014

whoa no way

Check it out. It looks like her head is a stool with a chick attached to it.

TOP 5 VIDS OF THE DAY NOV 18 2014

BEST VIDS

#5 VID: Stern Vs. Skrillix
Skrillix gets real.


#4 VID: Billy Smith
Ye, this dude.


#3 VID: "Fly Away"
Lenny does a cool new version of the worst song of all time


#2 VID: Eric Andre New Years Special

Eric Andre Show-New Years Eve Spooktacular MASTER from Naked Faces on Vimeo.

#1 VID: Couldn't think of anything better so...

"Red House"

Did Shudder To Think perform on the premiere episode of Viva Variety? The answer to this question required some light internet research and memory-jogging.

The two correct answers are "yes" and "sort of."

The "Yes" version is because this clip does in fact derive from the episode aired on April 1, 1997, which was the launch date of Viva Variety (a variety show created for Comedy Central by Tom Lennon, Kerri Kenney, Michael Ian Black and Ben Garant shortly after The State's amazing rarely-seen CBS pilot failed to green-light a network series).

The "sort of" version of this answer extends from our initial confusion by the first few seconds of this Youtube video, where The Former Mrs. Laupin and Johnny Bluejeans are promoting that week's sponsor, Magnetic Fishybar, which we remember as a continuation of a sketch from a previous episode where the joke-sponsor was simply "Fishybar." It appears that Comedy Central decided to kick off the series with a mid-season banger since it had the strongest jokes, complete with subtle references to what would have been previous episodes. This was probably an excellent call, since we recall getting very excited about "the return of The State" after getting blown away by sketches like "Sir Pants-Or-Not" and "Monkey Sports."

One more note: Back in 1997, local cable providers did this weird thing where they suddenly added 7 or 8 channels that progressed past channel 56. Channels 57 through 63 were part of an expanded package that was probably $5-10 more expensive, including Cartoon Network and Comedy Central. I knew one friend whose parents were cool enough to pay for the service, which is how I originally got to see this episode for the first time. A VHS-copy was shown on a Saturday afternoon in a classroom at my high school while a colorguard competition had taken over the majority of the building. Life must have been seriously amazing in those days if the return of The State was exciting enough to distract us from 1000 honeys running around in leotards. Aside from this premiere episode, we definitely recall a few instances where we watched the show scrambled since the 'rents were too broke to expand our cable. Oh the '90s. What fun they were.

how much drugs?

"Montage of Heck"

For some reason, this was posted on the internet several times today as if it were a new discovery, even though it's been widely available for several years.

Kurt Cobain's "Montage Of Heck" from SpaceEcho on Vimeo.

"On the Regular"

EXBX

"suicide solution"

"I Am Lorde"

Good afternoon. Feelin' good on a Monday. We just watched the last two South Park episodes.

We didn't expect South Park to kill it so hard over the past four weeks, especially since the 2012 and 2013 episodes seemed to signal the beginning of a depressingly bleak era akin to every Simpsons episode that happened after 1998's "Lisa Gets An 'A'" (which many fans consider the final classic episode of The Simpsons).

But instead, Trey and Matt's first true extended hiatus (throughout the first half of 2014) seems to have allowed their creative engines to chill and rejuvenate. As a result, this has been their freshest string of episodes since at least 3 years ago.

We found it somewhat predictable that the 2013 season would contain at least one self-contained trilogy. Sure enough, episodes 7, 8 and 9 from last year included the unnecessarily stretched-out 3-episode arc inspired by Game Of Thrones - the one that essentially introduced the versions of the characters that appear in The Stick of Truth.

This time around, however, they seem to be allowing continuity to progress WITHOUT a self-contained mini-series. There's no "Part 2" or "Part 3." The 2nd episode picked up exactly where the first episode ended, and so on, but every episode is its own contained story. There are no cliffhangers, which may have assisted in giving the show an intriguing dopeness that hasn't felt as fresh since at least 2011, if not earlier.

Oh wait a sec... AV Club already wrote something about this, and reviewed it more eloquently than we just did:
http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/south-park-cissy-210288

See, this is why we don't have as much energy for posting here anymore. Everyone in the entire fucking universe has a blog now, and there's no interesting topics that haven't yet been discussed. (Even quick observations of ours as simple as the similarities between "Marvins Room" and Pinkerton have been getting expanded with fully illustrated annotations.)

Perhaps Hot Mix 2014 is the only reason we're still keeping this alive. Hot Mix is fun. The rest seems less fun at the moment. Whatever.

Three quick points about the South Park/Lorde connection:

#1 It seems like the whole reason why they ended up continuing the Lorde joke was to defend themselves against SPIN, who totally took the joke the wrong way and assumed Trey and Matt were anti-Lorde:
http://www.spin.com/articles/lorde-south-park-spoof-comedy-central/
Despite that they're clearly bummed about SPIN, they actually gave the fated non-magazine their best publicity in years. What other sitcoms have actually mentioned SPIN anytime recently? And plus, Stan states that "Lorde is really good" in the follow-up episode, which appears to be Trey and Matt's official statement on whether or not they appreciated her as a pop star to begin with.

#2 The fans were into it, and their Lorde parody is now trending widely enough that the demand has yielded a full-length version:

South Park fans, you got it here first -- download the song "Push" for FREE here http://t.co/bLqNi8s7Kv

— South Park (@SouthPark) October 16, 2014

#3 On a personal note, Lorde's huge hits have yet to stick in our heads. A LOT of people seem to really appreciate her music, and it's probably good once you allow the hooks to steep, although we have yet to recognize any hooks. The other day we heard Charli XCX's "Bang Pow Clang" or whatever it's called, and we were all like "this must be Lorde. Finally, we can say that we've heard and remembered a Lorde song, even though it's somewhat mediocre." But it wasn't Lorde. Maybe it will happen soon.

This feels like the opposite of what happened throughout 2001 and 2002 when we made a conscious effort to avoid Creed's "My Sacrifice," a song with actual strong hooks that we DID NOT want stuck in our heads. We wrote about these events pretty extensively a couple years back: http://tastemykidsblog.blogspot.com/2012/09/10-year-anniversary-of-my-sacrifice.html

"Never Catch Me"

We fucked up in our last post assuming that "Never Catch Me" was too good of a song for its video to reach our expectations... And yet here;s the video, and it's dope as fuck - possibly better than the song? Judge for yourself.



On a somewhat related note, we decided we've been reading Pitchfork too much lately, and so we're gonna take a break from reading it or acknowledging it for the next few months, unless someone tells us that something good has happened there. One specific essay that got posted lately kinda bummed us out, written by a musician who shall remain nameless. But yeah, we're done for now.

here's why the 2010s are a bad time for a Twin Peaks reboot

Because of fucking spoilers, that's why. Duh. If it won't be on TV until two years from now, then why did we need to know this today? So much can happen between now and 2016. The entire thing might get shitcanned for all we know.



2 or 3 or 8 or 13 months from now, we would really strongly prefer to not hear rumors about James Franco and Jonah Hill and McLovin being added to the extensive list of cameos or whatever the fuck. We don't want the internet buzz and our Facebook feeds ruining this for everyone, like how it ruined the finale of Dexter Season 4. What a bunch of bullshit that was. We don't want to know who will be in the cast or ANYTHING about the plot until we see the show for ourselves. Will Loglady be there? Let's find out in 2016.

It it oldtimer-talk to suggest that TV was better when Facebook feeds and competitive click-bait-worthy headlines didn't spoil literally everything? We want to walk into this series fresh, just like the first time around, without any expectations. The buzzy-headline of Lynch even working on production for this thing is a fucking spoiler in itself.

By the time this show actually happens, there will have been a solid decade with nothing new from David Lynch, and almost two entire years will pass between the present and the series premiere. Due to this enormous gap of time, it will be nearly impossible to avoid a massive spoiler campaign without committing some misdemeanor that gets you locked into prison between now and the day before the series launch.

Prove us wrong please.

we make snarky boring comments about pitchfork's current 10 most popular headlines

We have no motivation for continuing this at all, so basically it's come down to this. None of this is even interesting or funny. If only we could get a hold of some ambien and post another Burroughs-style "Top 691 songs from 1997."

This post is seriously the dumbest shit we've ever written, but whatever...

At least the formatting somewhat resembles the old school version of our website. Headline in Bold followed shortly afterwards by nonsense. This sure takes us back...

Mastodon Surrounded by Twerking Dancers, So Many Butts in "The Motherload" Video
Wow, what a surprise. A headline with the word "Butts" is this week's most popular headline. Twerking is so 2013. Just use the word "ass" next time for double the clicks.

Thom Yorke Releases New Album Tomorrow's Modern Boxes Via BitTorrent
Jesus, he's so perfect. Truly a god among men.

The Pitchfork Guide to Upcoming Releases: Fall 2014
The word "Ovlov" finally appears on Pitchfork in 2014 officially filling their once-per-year quota.

Flying Lotus and Kendrick Lamar Share "Never Catch Me" Video
This song is so dope that we'd rather not ruin it with what might potentially be a shitty vid (kinda like how the "Shake It Off" video more or less ruined that song for us, but that's another story).

Mastodon's Brann Dailor Talks "The Motherload" Video: "It’s Not to Be Taken So Seriously"
Yeah, this is a good point. No one's ever had chicks with butts in a video prior to Mastodon. For shame. Your boring indie-metal is nothing compared to your clearly hateful perception of females and their butts.

Mark Kozelek Challenges the War on Drugs to Let Him Join Them Onstage
This is great. America finally has its own Liam Gallagher-style troll, except this time only like 50 people in the entire world actually care.

Mark Kozelek Apologizes to The War on Drugs
Make that 10 people. (lol)

FKA twigs Responds to Racist Twitter Abuse
But Robert Patternson is too dreamy and steamy to go on dates with the artist formerly known as Twigs. How could this happen? God, why do you hate us all?

Roger Waters Wants Everybody to Remember That He Left Pink Floyd in 1985, Has Nothing to Do With the New Pink Floyd Album
Now why would he do that? Everyone knows that Pink Floyd's two finest works are clearly The Division Shitter and A Momentary Lapse of Schlong Juice.

Stream Caribou's New Album Our Love
Sure, but only if you stream "Foulbrood" first.

[adult swim] spreads the Fox Diarrhea

Congrats to [adult swim] for receiving the extra hour or 2 at the start of their block. The new 8:00PM launch has given these guys far more freedom, no longer bound by restraints imposed by advertisers who want more and more blocks of what was referred to in a recent facebook comment as Fox Diarrhea. (We're not sure who made this up, but it perfectly sums up [as]'s 10:00PM to midnight block.

We're taking a look at their current schedule, and there's so many new shows that are getting used to actually BREAK UP and spread out the diarrhea. So like, they'll start out with a King of the Hill block (sure, why not) which is unexpectedly followed by something that isn't Family Guy, namely a block of Bob's Burgers followed by Rick and Morty.

This then gives their programmers the ability to show weirder 15-minute shows earlier. On a good night, they won't immediately resort to Robot Chicken reruns and instead pump out some new jams: We're not totally familiar with all of these, but it looks like 11:30 to 1:30 is now an entire 2-hour block of weird new stuff: Mr. Pickles, Squidbillies, Black Jesus, Eric Andre, Loiter Squad, and Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories followed by a classic Tim & Eric before showing the same Rick & Morty from earlier (which is actually a way better time slot than right before a full hour of Family Guy).

Let's check out the charts

Our 2014 resurgence is a pile of doodoo. We've slacked too much. It's like 2007 all over again, except worse. Hopefully our interest in this thing will grow once again.

In the meantime, let's peep the Hot 100 real quick and give a rundown of the action...

http://www.billboard.com/charts/hot-100
We're surprisingly not offended by most of this week's US Top 10. Lots of "ok to meh" stuff.

The big winner is a song we heard on the radio about an hour ago, just before the DJ announced it was the #1 song in the country, which left us pretty surprised, It's called "All About That Bass," another one of those awkward cases assuming that no one minds hearing the word "booty" sung over and over. Its beachy/island atmosphere feels somewhat derivative of that late-2000s-UK-soul bullshit trend that was hot for a minute (Amy Winehouse, Adele, Duffy). It doesn't sound horrible yet, but then again we've only heard it twice.

This week's runner-up is Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off." It's definitely a better song than "Problem" and most of Ariana Grande's ultimately disappointing 2nd album from a few weeks ago. However, the low morale among Swift fans seems somewhat justified, as "Shake It Off" can barely hold a candle to Red's Trifecta of Dope: "Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together," "I Knew You Were Trouble" and "22" are practically Top Jams Of The Decade contenders at this point.

#3 is Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda," which we don't really understand at all. In fact, we have yet to fully grasp any of Nicki's 2014 singles. It's not offensively horrible - much like this week's #1 and #2 - but it's nowhere near the creativity or energy from her best radio hits.

#4 is "Bang Bang" from Jessie J, which we're not familiar with. After checking out 20 seconds of it on Youtube, we'd rather it stayed that way.

"Black Widow" from Iggy Azalea is next. This is kinda boring. We heard her other song "Fancy" about an hour ago and it's not as offensive as we've been led to believe, although neither of her hits are particularly great.

"Stay With Me" by Sam Smith. Wow, this is terrible. What's next...

"Rude" by a band called Magic! Oh yeah, this song. We've heard this. Do people actually like this? Nice chorus, not. Horrible. Next.

#8 is "Break Free" by Ariana Grande featuring Zedd. We're not really sure why people are losing their shit over this album. It's been nearly impossible to go 2 days without seeing the album art, not that we're complaining. Leave the complaints to /mu/, where someone recently bitched about p4k waiting until their Friday update to post the My Everything review, as if it deserved the Monday treatment. Perhaps we should give it another shot, but it's hard to remember much beyond soulless production tricks and Aguilera-style vocal gymnastics, with almost nothing in the "hooks" department. "Break Free" actually has one of the album's best hooks (if memory serves correctly), while "Problem" has about 4 of them, none of which sound good standing next to each other. It sounds like a very poor attempt to make one of those songs like "Bad Romance" with lots of good ideas all lined up in a row. But all the ideas are so bland and uninteresting and not fun.

#9 is Maroon 5. This is fucking awful. No one likes this.

And finally at #10 is Sia with "Chandelier." So bored. Shit chorus. This sucks.

Quickly moving down the list to see if anything else catches our attention...

We heard Charli XCX's #11 song a few times earlier tonight also, and we assumed it was Lorde. And so we're still unable to ID any of Lorde's songs.

#13 is that Jeremih "Rhythm is a Dancer" thing which we've heard like 9000 times in the past month.

Oh look in at #16 and #17, there's "Fancy" and "Problem," or as we like to call them "Bleh" and "Hluh."

Ed Sheeran has a song called "Don't" at #30 which a few folks have recommended throughout the summer, although we're not sure why.

"Dark Horse" is still hanging out around #32. This song feels so fucking old now. It seriously almost feels like it's been around as long as "Firework."

Oh shit, a song we might actually enjoy comes in this week at #33, "No Mediocre." Whoa, we had no idea this was T.I.!! There is hope.

"2 On" is #34, followed by the Drake song where he's like "rull quick," followed by "No Flex Zone" (but not the remix version). The mid-30s seems like the spot on the Hot 100 where all the cool kids hang out - "cool kids" meaning the stuff we recognize from Hot 97 spinning them 9,999 times a day.

What is 5 Seconds of Summer? We've seen this name showing up a lot. Whoa, this is worse than "Hey There Delilah." Got damn.

#42 is "Studio," probably our 2nd favorite song to chart so far.

#54 is Pitbull. This one is ok. We don't usually like his stuff at all, but this one surprisingly falls in the 6 to 7 out of 10 range.

We've heard this Childish Gambino song at #69 a lot recently but didn't know it was him.

"Love Never Felt so Good" is still hangin' around at #81. That's what we like to see.

"*** Flawless" is #87. Sure, why not.

WTF why are the TWO Usher songs all the way down in the 90s? Not that we're all up-the-ass with Usher, but these are both definitely in the higher tier, the best 10% of this entire chart. Sadly, "Good Kisser" - this week's #92 - only peaked at #65, while "She Came to Give it to You" - in this week at #99 - only reached #89. BOO. Maybe things will turn around for Ursh in the coming weeks.

And finally, this week's #91 is "24 Hours," probably our 2nd favorite of the recent string of hits from DJ Mustard. Boom.

make my day

Are we crazy or didn't a dude sing this song? A female is clearly the vocalist in the video, but we were about 90% sure that the singer from Technotronic was a dude and not a girl. This seems to be happening a lot lately.


Okay, we found one of their other videos which more closely matches our mental perception of the Technotronic singer.

Wikipedia explains: "An image for the act was later put together, utilizing Congolese-born fashion model Felly Kilingi as its album/single cover art, and supposed singer in the music video."

1990 was weird.

the new shit radar: august 2014

Relaunch means we can bring back The New Shit Radar. There's much new shit to go around.

Uncle Acid "Runaway Girls"
New a-side out soon. Will arrive with a b-side.


The Rentals "Thought of Sound"


Nicki Minaj "Anaconda"


Obnox "Sit Yo Ass Down"


Self "Runaway"

dope plane reviews: South Park, Simpsons, Eric Andre, Adventure Time, Fooly Cooly, Rocky III

Reporting live from layover in Iceland. We just watched a lot of TV for the entire ride over here. Here's what we saw:

Good Times With Weapons

Episode 1 from Season 8 of South Park, March 2004. We're guessing this was the first episode after Janet Jackson nipple thing, which was all very silly in retrospect. Our favorite part was hearing the original audio of Professor Chaos (Butters) grunting "Let's see how you like dealing with me. Mwah hahahaha!" which is used anytime you select the Professor Chaos option in The Stick of Truth. The best joke here might be the anime depiction of Cartman, whose grotesque obesity is more detailed than usual.

Das Bus
Episode 14 from Season 9 of The Simpsons. 12 or so kids from Springfield Elementary, including Milhouse, Bart and Lisa, are trapped on an island where some Lord of the Flies shit goes down. Meanwhile, Homer starts an internet-improvement business from home. We only vaguely remember this one, and the jokes are not as classic as we remembered. Our favorite joke was probably Milhouse saying something to the effect of "Come on grapefruit!" while watching it roll down the isle of Otto's bus. It presents some early examples of the stale and more formulaic jokes that would become more commonplace in future seasons, although the storyline is decent.

The Eric Andre Show, Episode 2, Season 2

Titled on Wikipedia as "Krysten Ritter; Dominic Monaghan." We watched four episodes of this show on the flight, and they all kinda blend into each other, so we won't bother reviewing them individually. Definitely best editing out of any show on TV right now, and the best editing since Tim & Eric. Fucking unreal and very funny.

Furi Kuri
The first episode of Fooly Cooly or FLCL. Dope as hell, and dense enough that it definitely requires a second viewing. So far, we gather that it's some sort of strange coming of age story with really bizarre images and an intentional attempt to confuse the viewer, like if a 3-hour David Lynch movie were condensed into 25 minutes.

Princess Day

Episode 14 from Season 6 of Adventure Time. We actually watched episodes 11 through 14, but this one (the most recent) is the one we liked the best, mostly because LSP and Marcy join forces, although they don't really accomplish a whole lot other than establishing a bond and acting like assholes. But they're both very lovable characters who we the viewers have grown to adore, like so many of our other friends in the Candy Kingdom. This may be the main reason why we haven't gone full-on rage quit on this show just yet. It seems like Season 6 may be falling into the same pit as Season 9 of The Simpsons - starting out with a bang, but almost entirely losing steam by the halfway point. Like, how much longer are we gonna have to wait to see another actual adventure featuring Finn and Jake?

Like a few episodes back, there was a story about Maja The Sky Witch stealing Princess Bubblegum's prized possession, a rock band t-shirt that was given to her by Marceline. Maja plans to use the emotional power within the t-shirt to wreak havoc on the Candy Kingdom. This seemed like a pretty compelling story, especially after the sudden resolution of the whole thing with Finn's arm. But the last we heard of that story was like 6 episodes ago (a.k.a over 2 months ago since these days it takes Cartoon Network like three weeks to air anything new).

Okay, we're exhausted and rambling, so let's move on...

Quest For Ratings

Episode 11 from Season 8 of South Park. We thought we had seen every South Park, but this was a rare fresh oldie that we only just now caught for the first time. It's not the A+ we were hoping for, although the robo-tripping sequence was dope as fuck.

The Joy of Sect

Episode 13 from Season 9 of The Simpsons. This is the one where Homer gets brainwashed by a cult after they sing "Nananananananana Lead-er" to the tune of the '60s Batman theme. It brought back some memories. Mr. Burns also tries to start his own religion during a mid-episode mini-story-arc.

Rocky III

We didn't finish it yet. The last thing we saw was Mr. T yelling at Rocky and saying he's gonna go fuck his wife and offering her the opportunity to be with a real man. For some reason, we recall Hulk Hogan's part being way more violent. Mr. T is so pissed at Rocky. But Rocky just wants to stay soft and doesn't wanna train hard like the way Mickey's been pushing him. Things are gonna get tough before they get better for Rocky.

Moss Garcia

We (and when I say "we," I mean Darl) know the guy who played Yuppie #2 in the 1980 slasher film Christmas Evil.

However, Ben Grigg from Geronimo adamantly vouches for Chopping Mall, a tale of survival when a bunch of '80s kids get trapped in a mall overnight.

Christmas Evil is about a creepy dude who spies on little children. His spy victims make him happy, with the exception of a troublemaker named Moss Garcia. Moss drives him over the edge, leading him to indulge his creepiest tendencies, like physically pressing his mud covered face into the Garcia household.

BEST ALBUMS OF 2013

Yo, no one gives a shit because it's like August n shit.

60. Tyler The Creator Wolf

HAVING FUN IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH SO BE HAPPY SO YOU DONT DIE AND CATCH SOMETHING AND DONT BE ON THE INTERNET 24/7. IF YOU'RE EATING WITH FRIENDS PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY AND TALK ABOUT SHIT FUCK

Tyler The creator - Wolf [ Full Album ]

59. Unknown Mortal Orchestra II

These dudes fuck with Nazz.

Unknown Mortal Orchestra - II (Full Album)

58. Lil B 05 Fuck Em

One of the most important people artists ever.

DATPIFF: http://www.datpiff.com/Lil-B-The-BasedGod-05-Fuck-Em-mixtape.563777.html

57. Deerhunter Monomania

You wrote a song on this album.

Deerhunter - Monomania (Full Album) HD LP/Vinyl Rip

56. Gun Outfit Hard Coming Down

Yo, these dudes aren't on twitter.

Gun Outfit soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/gun-outfit

55. Thee Oh Sees Floating Coffin

Chicka chicka chicka uh uh uh. Shalalala.

54. Potty Mouth Hell Bent

Yo, when you search for "Potty Mouth Katy Perry" this is literally it:

Potty mouth @katyperry dropped an f-bomb during her NARM Award acceptance speech! Watch here: http://t.co/hbItkvhP
— PopCrush (@PopCrush) May 13, 2012

53. Pissed Jeans Honeys

"We're changing our name to Virgin Mobile Pissed Jeans." Walk off stage after the show and keep playing the bass.

stream some / buy all of it here: https://www.subpop.com/releases/pissed_jeans/honeys

52. Run the Jewels Run the Jewels

This is mostly here because it was free. JK guys.


http://www.foolsgoldrecs.com/runthejewels/

51. Priests Tape Two

Sup Priests.  

50. No Age An Object

Buzzfeed says that Dean is the 11th hottest vegan: http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/vegans-are-hot.   

 

49. 2 Chainz B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time

2 Chainz: Probably not vegan.  

DATPIFF the chopped/screwed version http://www.datpiff.com/2-Chainz-Boats-2-Me-Time-mixtape.530364.html

48. Connections Private Airplane

Congrats to 2013 Rock & roll hall of fame inductees Connections on their big win. Lorde is their singer now.  

47. Roomrunner Ideal Cities

On 120 Minutes that one video was like "Dale Crover featuring Roomrunner and Mike Jones." A month later, it was a buzz clip. A month after that, it peaked at #14 on MTV's Top 20 Countdown. A month after that, they were opening for Live. Dream big, kids.  

46. X-Ray Pop Pirate! The Dark Side of the X

Wait, so now we have to think of shit to say for every one of these?

45. Pity Sex Dark World

Yo sup.  

44. Yvette Process

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ys_(disambiguation)
Yz is the first letter after Z, proven by this chart:


https://soundcloud.com/godmodeinternet/pure-pleasure

43. Trindad Jame$ Don't Be S.A.F.E.

Fuck da club up. This guy is photogenic. On instragram straight flexin'.  

42. Yo La Tengo Fade

Ira swings the guitar around in a big circle throwing it around all high n shit.
 
PREVIEW: https://soundcloud.com/experimedia/yo-la-tengo-fade-album-preview

41. Pusha T My Name Is My Name

Malice and Ma$e are pretty much the same guy now.  
 
MYSPACE LOL: https://myspace.com/pushat/music/album/my-name-is-my-name-19238641

40. Oneohtrix Point Never R Plus Seven

Thanks to this album, our brains turned into mushy liquid.
 
VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNOMk9d6NI8

39. Miley Cyrus Bangerz

Wayne Coyne is a punk bitch. We will fuck this dude up.  
 
Miley wtf you don't have a bandcamp how are you gonna get facebook likes without a bandcamp https://soundcloud.com/mileycyrus

38. Polvo Siberia

So just now, we had to get into a brawl against Wayne Coyne because he wasn't really into our recently launched diss campaign against him. Luckily, Polvo had our backs, and they're all like tough and sporty, so we fucked him up good.  

http://www.mergerecords.com/polvo

37. Stark Reality Acting, Thinking, Feeling: The Complete Works 1968-1978

"Guys, I'm high on dope right now." (Someone on trailer park boys just said that.)

36. Ariana Grande Yours Truly

Ariana, you took down your Bandcamp. It's ok though. We asked her why, and she just shrugged and said "meh." Like it wasn't even a big deal. We commend her confidence, continuing to exude her exhilarating demeanor despite a glaring lack of Bandcamp presence. Musicians take note. This is how you make it in the biz. Don't listen to Courtney Love. That's how you played the game pre-Bandcamp.  

https://soundcloud.com/ariana-grande-official

35. Rodan Fifteen Quiet Years

http://touchandgorecords.com/bands/album.php?id=498

34. Cave Threace

http://www.dragcity.com/artists/cave

33. Drake Nothing Was the Same

Sharted from the bottom.

Drake fuck you for removing your Bandcamp https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRducErGG1U

32. Palehound Bent Nail

Yo not only do they RULE but they also have a Bandcamp YESYESYESYES

31. Fat History Month Bad History Month

Couchboy killed the conch.

30. Gunk Gradual Shove

Time for a little fuck music.

29. Pretty & Nice Golden Rules for Golden People

ooooh! Well this album isn't on their bandcamp, but looks like they have some remixes coming out soon...

28. Surface To Air Missive Surface To Air Missive

shred-it.com

http://www.stonesthrow.com/news/2013/09/surface-to-air-missive

27. Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats Mind Control

Always remember: http://acidcoven.com/

26. Yuck Glow & Behold

We shall forgive them for neglecting to title their 2nd album "Fuck" like we had been hoping. (They're already recording LP3, which is probably classified info, and we possibly just spilled the beans, but luckily no one reads this so it's ok.)

25. Body/Head Coming Apart

dune

http://bodyheadmusic.com/

24. Beyoncé Beyoncé

Not much goin on here: http://bandcamp.com/tag/beyonce

23. Juana Molina Wed 21

Winner of "most mysterious noir-jams" award.

https://soundcloud.com/crammed-discs/juana-molina-sin-guia-no-from

22. Tera Melos X'ed Out

PEDALS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwVkp275-6U

21. Jackson Scott Melbourne

Yo Jack.

20. Krill Lucky Leaves

@hkarnutz puked in the krill car and is now passed out on the krill air mattress. 2014 startin off right — krill (@krilliamhmacy) January 1, 2014

19. Guerilla Toss Gay Disco

Barilla Past http://www.barilla.com/

18. Joanna Gruesome Weird Sister

The Statue of Liberty of punk rock.

17. Omar Souleyman Wenu Wenu

When you're clapping along to the dancey jams at the show, and then suddenly Omar reveals himself in all his sunglassed mustached glory, with the headdress and everything, and you're just like "oh my fucking god avocado really is the new bacon. i have seen the light and it is avocado and maybe some steamed kale on the side."

16. Chance The Rapper Acid Rap

Ya blew it.

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https://soundcloud.com/chancetherapper/sets/chance-the-rapper-acid-rap

15. Palberta My Pal Berta

Hot cross buns.

14. William Onyeabor Who is William Onyeabor?

Yo, snow day. No school tomorrow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saunoPBS-XA

13. Tony Molina Dissed and Dismissed

The Eagles of Power Violence.

12. Action Bronson & Party Supplies Blue Chips 2

The newest addition to the WCBS-FM family.

http://www.datpiff.com/Action-Bronson-Blue-Chips-2-mixtape.545500.html

11. Two Inch Astronaut Bad Brother

Big big big brother.

10. Ciara Ciara

http://thesierragrille.com/

https://soundcloud.com/ciara

9. Swearin' Surfing Strange

Making The Band 2 got nothin on Swearin'. They spit hot fire.
http://www.salinasrecords.com/release/swearin/surfing-strange-lp/

8. Jute Gyte Discontinuities

Only microtones forever.

7. Rodion G.A. The Lost Tapes

Space is the blaze.

http://strut.greedbag.com/buy/the-lost-tapes-16/

6. My Bloody Valentine m b v

Editor's note: I can't Google this band's name anymore because the results include the title screen of the movie My Bloody Valentine 3D which is too scary for me see without gasping for air.

Now a non profit organization: http://www.mybloodyvalentine.org/

5. Jai Paul [demos]

Just wanna have a good tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime

http://grooveshark.com/#!/album/Jai+Paul/6917113

4. Kurt Vile Wakin on a Pretty Daze

Sup Kurt.

No album stream available, but we found this thing: https://soundcloud.com/kurtvile/kv-mixtape

3. Kanye West Yeezus

Dem bleeps and bloops still sounds dopest in the summertime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh6QP9_eygE

2. Ovlov Am

So much am.

1. Earl Sweatshirt Doris

want u to hear music — EARL (@earlxsweat) July 31, 2014

http://oddfuturetalk.com/2013/08/earl-sweatshirt-doris-full-album-stream/