Thursday, November 24, 2016

Obligatory Current Events Post

Happy Thanksgiving.

Back in the geocities days, we had a LOT more time and energy for things like journaling, masturbating and keeping very frequent TMK updates on topics such as the outcome of Bush vs. Kerry. In November 2004, social media was essentially centered around Livejournal and the away messages on AOL Instant Messenger. For anyone who cared to keep a blog, that was basically your personal profile. MySpace was just on the brink of ubiquity, but not just yet.

For us, 2004-2016 was entirely post college. A frame of time is built to feel less substantial as its percentage within our lifespan decreases. So if I'm 36, the last 12 years feels the same as 3.3 years as a 10 year old. It doesn't feel that long ago, but yea it was a fucking ages ago. 2004 simply couldn't happen now.

9/11 unified the United States. This is worse than 9/11.

In 2016, the extremes of the political spectrum are louder than they've ever been, and as a result, we've essentially planted the roots of a modern U.S. Civil War.

2016 is a constant stream. Everyone is already saying what we want to say elsewhere. There's not much we can add to the flow of dialog.

And this includes commentary ABOUT the commentary. But at the moment, commentary on commentary is really all we feel comfortable sharing.

We're pretty bummed with Howard Stern's lack of commentary about issues that he would have been much angrier about 12 years ago. When Robin's news reported the prospect of Trump appointing the notoriously anti-Semitic Jeff Sessions to a cabinet position, Stern was silent, and the news continued. We all know what he's really thinking. He definitely shares the same political opinions as his extremely Jewish parents. But on the air, he's been stifling his anger.

On the day after the election, however, Stern theorized that Trump's campaign was a response to NBC, who were unable to satisfy his pay demands for Celebrity Apprentice.

This might be bullshit, since NBC was planning to cancel The Apprentice anyway. But in either case, he was angry at NBC and ran for president as a publicity stunt, treating the entirety of his campaign in the same unfiltered "not here to make friends" attitude that a contestant on Flavor Of Love or Rock of Love would use to win the heart of Flava Flav or Brett Michaels.

The rush of the campaign was his fuel. Defeating HRC was his prize. Stern theorized that he spent the entire 18 months constantly ignoring a voice in his head repeating that he never actually wanted to inherit the responsibilities of a 4-year-term as U.S. President, especially considering he only has, at most, 10 good years left before his age and health make it difficult for him to enjoy life without drooling on himself. South Park's depiction of Mr. Garrison echoed this theory, although with far more blatant attempts at campaign sabotage. Mr. Garrison actually heeded those voices that Trump ignored.

His campaign promises - the wall, lock her up & draining the swamp - will never happen. There is no way in hell this guy won't obtain historically low approval ratings. But since approval is so important to him, it's possible that his extreme instincts won't completely fuck us over?

Dave Chappelle's SNL monologue and Howard Stern's Nov 9th commentary both suggested that we should wait and see what happens before getting upset. After all, Obama is still president. The electoral college hasn't actually appointed Trump with his position just yet. However, we're inclined to disagree that "wait and see" is in our country's best interest. This is not a tough game of chess. We can easily see what's happening 17 steps from now, and it makes a lot more sense to exercise the citizen's right to make any efforts at all that might prevent impending horror.

One PC Liberal opinion that we simply cannot fuck with, however, is the concept of interrupting Thanksgiving dinner if anyone in your family happens to express a political opinion that differs from yours. Or protesting by not attending. Why wait until Thanksgiving for this? Do these people love their families? Maybe we're crazy here, but we love our family unconditionally, regardless of their difference in political opinions. And yes, we've certainly fantasized (on occasion) the catharsis that might derive from confidently owning various family members in political discussions. But regardless of the doom our country is facing, we only have a set number of family gatherings left throughout our lifetimes. And as time passes, some of those people are going to disappear until eventually it's just us, on our own. And yea, we'll regret spoiling those moments. It's not worth it. If you really want to own your racist uncle that badly, maybe visit him tomorrow on Black Friday instead of fucking things up for your entire family and disregarding the investment that your apparently privileged family made in purchasing and preparing dinner for your white dumb ass.

They just got here. We have to go.

MTVZ November 2016

Forgot to post the latest edition of MTVZ. Enjoy this! We removed the original first video from the lineup bc we're fucking burnt on that topic.