These re-assessments usually happen over the summer, such as last year's One More Time For 2009 where we claimed that nobody was having a good 2010... and while that may have been true at the time, the music of that year now seems surprisingly badass in hindsight...
What sets apart 2010 and 2009 from many previous years lies in the heavy weight on outstanding non-p4k/bandcamp artists, or artists who are not (yet) on Spotify. While 2011 seems like a slight bummer at the moment, this may prove to be the case once again, after looking back on 2011 from a future perspective. That's usually how it is.
For all intents and purposes, Mary Kate & Ashley Olson's “Gimme Pizza Slow” is without question the culmination of all things that make our world a great place to live, and should have been considered the best song of 2010... But somehow it didn't seem fair to place the greatest thing ever in a list of music by actual recording artists.
Additions that were not on 2010's Greatest Hits include Waka Flocka Flame, a few Pill tracks, Ke$ha & Bieber... most of this is just reorganizing...
50 Pill “Hear Somebody Comin’”
49 Gucci Mane “Lemonade”
48 Ringo Deathstarr “Imagine Hearts”
47 Liars “Scarecrows On A Killer Slant”
46 Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti “Can’t Hear My Eyes”
45 Washed Out “You and I”
44 Janelle Monae “Cold War”
43 Big Boi “Daddy Fat Sax”
42 Earl Sweatshirt “epaR”
41 Pill “On Da Korner”
40 Big KRIT “Somedayz”
39 Big Boi featuring Yelawolf “You Ain’t No DJ”
38 Wiz Khalifa “Black and Yellow”
37 Lady Gaga “Alejandro”
36 Japandroids “Sex and Dying in High Society”
35 Ke$ha “Your Love Is My Drug”
34 Merchandise “Worthless Apology”
33 The Morning Benders “All Day Day Light”
32 Big Boi featuring Cutty “Shutterbug”
31 Big Boi “General Patton”
30 No Age “Common Heat”
29 Earl Sweatshirt “Stapleton”
28 No Age “Glitter”
27 Hooray For Earth “Surrounded By Your Friends”
26 Japandroids “Art Czars”
25 Happy Birthday “2 Shy”
24 Happy Birthday “Subliminal Message”
23 Waka Flocka Flame featuring Roscoe Dash and Wale “No Hands”
22 Beak> “Wulfstan”
21 No Age “Fever Dreaming”
20 Ke$ha “We R Who We R”
19 Crystal Castles featuring Robert Smith “Not In Love”
18 The-Dream “Yamaha”
17 Tyler the Creator featuring Earl Sweatshirt “AssMilk”
16 Vampire Weekend “Giving Up The Gun”
15 Katy Perry “Teenage Dream”
14 Happy Birthday “Girls FM”
13 Waka Flocka Flame “Hard In Da Paint”
12 Japandroids “Heavenward Grand Prix”
11 Earl Sweatshirt “Earl”
10 Earl Sweatshirt featuring Ace Creator “Couch”
09 The Arcade Fire “We Used To Wait”
08 Justin Bieber “Runaway Love”
07 El Guincho “Bombay”
06 Caribou “Sun”
05 Merchandise “I Locked The Door”
04 Robyn “Hang With Me”
03 Tyler, The Creator featuring Hodgy Beats “French!”
02 Japandroids “Younger Us”
01 The Arcade Fire “The Suburbs”
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
albums from 2010 that were nice
I didn't get to post this yet...
#20 Japandroids "No Singles"
#19 Liars "Sisterworld"
#18 Various Artists "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World" (Movie soundtrack)
#17 Big Boi "Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son Of Chico Dusty"
#16 Kanye West "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy"
#15 OFWGKTA "Odd Future Present Radical"
#14 Superchunk "Majesty Shredding"
#13 Caribou "Swim"
#12 The Arcade Fire "The Suburbs"
#11 Waka Flocka Flame "Flockaveli"
#10 Robyn "Body Talk"
#9 Happy Birthday "Happy Birthday"
#8 DJ Drama & Pill "1140: The Overdose"
#7 Oneohtrix Point Never "Returnal"
#6 BEAK> "BEAK>" (2009)
#5 Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti "Before Today"
#4 No Age "Everything In Between"
#3 Tyler The Creator "Bastard"
#2 Merchandise "Strange Songs (In The Dark)"
#1 Earl Sweatshirt "EARL"
And also Big KRIT, Deftones, Sun Araw, Free Energy, Flying Lotus, N*E*R*D, Pet Milk, Broken Water, Crash City Saints, Morning Benders, Wolf Parade, Harlem, MellowHype, Surfer Blood, Male Bonding, and I guess I would even put Nachtmystium in there but really only because I feel like justifying the $18 I spent on the vinyl...
#20 Japandroids "No Singles"
#19 Liars "Sisterworld"
#18 Various Artists "Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World" (Movie soundtrack)
#17 Big Boi "Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son Of Chico Dusty"
#16 Kanye West "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy"
#15 OFWGKTA "Odd Future Present Radical"
#14 Superchunk "Majesty Shredding"
#13 Caribou "Swim"
#12 The Arcade Fire "The Suburbs"
#11 Waka Flocka Flame "Flockaveli"
#10 Robyn "Body Talk"
#9 Happy Birthday "Happy Birthday"
#8 DJ Drama & Pill "1140: The Overdose"
#7 Oneohtrix Point Never "Returnal"
#6 BEAK> "BEAK>" (2009)
#5 Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti "Before Today"
#4 No Age "Everything In Between"
#3 Tyler The Creator "Bastard"
#2 Merchandise "Strange Songs (In The Dark)"
#1 Earl Sweatshirt "EARL"
And also Big KRIT, Deftones, Sun Araw, Free Energy, Flying Lotus, N*E*R*D, Pet Milk, Broken Water, Crash City Saints, Morning Benders, Wolf Parade, Harlem, MellowHype, Surfer Blood, Male Bonding, and I guess I would even put Nachtmystium in there but really only because I feel like justifying the $18 I spent on the vinyl...
Monday, January 17, 2011
20 Worst Songs Of 2010
There's a few really really horrible songs from this year that I totally hated but whose names I cannot recall... whatever. let's do this...
The song titles are youtube links...
20. Owl City “Fireflies”
Yo, fuck this dude. "Fireflies" somehow elluded our writers as among the worst of 2009, but it's been determined that this is worse than "My Humps" or anything by Nickelback... It's arguably the worst song of the entire 2000 to 2009 decade. This is currently up for debate. What we do know at this time: A few songs on last year's worst-of list eventually ended up actually growing in the lulz category.. and lulz still count for something. For example, every song by Ke$ha... or like BrokeNCyde for example... If a song is hilarious, even if it's terrible, it contains merit. "Fireflies" has no humor whatsoever. Only annoyance. It probably should have been last year's #1 (although we still stand by "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" as our choice overall...)
19. Angelina Pivarnick “I’m Hot”
The bitch is back! Watch out guys! You thought you could get rid of her, but she's still here! Or that's probably what she thought would happen by trying to go viral with this guido-humor meta-tongue-in-cheek whatever it's supposed to be...
18. Kid Rock “Born Free”
The vocals are the real deal breaker here, which is a shame since this is hardly Bob's worst song... But Jesus... I have a feeling this dude's singing on full blast could shatter all the ice on my driveway. In fact, I might try that later.
17. Enrique Iglesias feat. Ludacris “Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”
Excellent subtlety. You win Enrique.
16. Santana feat. Scott Stapp “Fortunate Son”
Santana's guitar style hasn't changed in 40 years, so that's hardly anything cringeworthy that we haven't heard before. For all intents, "Fortunate Son" sounds exactly the same as everything on that huge record from late '99 which was probably Clive Davis produced if I had to take a guess without referring to wikipedia... However the immortal Stapp does what Rob Thomas never could, taking that bull by the horns and riding it into that certain area of the stratosphere just above the garbage dumps of New Jersey. Halfway through this banger, Stapp starts doing some "funky vocal improvisation" which really gives the track that extra zing. Santana ended up cutting this from the final tracklisting and included "Fortuante Son" as a bonus track/download only type of thing. Stapp got bummed about this and he called up Santana crying, "Why Santana?? Why'd ya do it, huh??" There was no one on the other end because Stapp was too drunk to dial the phone. Poor Stapp.
15. Bruno Mars “Just The Way You Are”
I kinda feel bad making fun of Bruno Mars because he's probably just a normal dude with a lame hat that his record company forced him to wear so that he doesn't look quite so ordinary. The drums are the only slightly sorta passable element of this song... Everything else is just annoyingly contrived and calculated.. The chick in this video is super hot, which is somehow also annoying due to the shittiness of the song. Sorry Bruno Mars. Put out some good music and then you won't end up in the worst-of list anymore. Simple enough.
14. Orianthi “According To You”
A few weeks after Michael Jackson died, I recall CNN's Wolf Blitzer presenting The Situation Room with "Breaking News" regarding a tape from the last rehearsal session for Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour. They showed the clip probably 15 times over the next 3 hours. The clip ended up being used in the movie, and Orianthi was the blonde chick playing guitar who kinda stood out amongst everyone else (besides MJ obviously). It was only a matter of time before she was given a recording contract to release a bunch of "Since You Been Gone" ripoffs. "According to you, I'm ugly. But according to me, I'm attractive. But according to her, I'm happy. But according to him, I'm sad. But according to Mom, I'm good. But according to Dad, I'm bad."
13. Jackyl “Just Like A Negro”
Apparently Jackyl are friends with members of the band Mother's Finest, a rock group of funky black dudes who originally recorded this in the 70's. But since nobody knows this is a cover, Jackyl ends up looking racist as shit. To be honest, this song isn't completely vile, but is mostly here based on principle. I mean, honestly... Who do they think they're kidding?
12. Lil Wayne feat. Nicki Minaj “Knockout”
Lil Wayne picked up a guitar and the 1st four chords he learned just happened to be the same four chords in Avril Lavigne's "Sk8erboi." Nicky Minaj just happened to be hanging out in the studio down the hallway. They made up a shitty uninspired chorus on the spot, and a future classic is born. Apparently that's all it takes...
11. Big Time Rush “Halfway There”
More boy-band shit... House music's recent huge influence on the Top 40 has resulted in boy bands sounding more gay-friendly than ever. Lou Pearlman is now watching this video from prison planning his escape Shawshank style, digging with a spoon and chanting to himself, "I must pound that ass." He's motivated. I'll bet this happens in 2011. EDIT: Apparently they have their own TV show on Nickelodeon like The Monkees. I swear I'm not that out of touch.. Back in like 1986, Nick used to show The Monkees every afternoon. Now they show Big Time Rush. I'm not that old. I swear to gald.
10. The Ready Set “Love Like Woe”
I don't care if I'm dating myself. It happens. So yeah, the story goes like this: As a 5th grader back in 1990, it was cool for boys to hate New Kids On The Block, calling them "gay" or whatever.. We were little kids. It was 1990 and we didn't know any better. It just made sense, even though I secretly had a "greatest hits" mixtape that I enjoyed, comprised of their singles which I copied from the girls who lived next door who owned every NKOTB album. I would imagine the same situation is applying these days regarding Justin Bieber's relation to straight 12-year-old dudes who simply appreciate decent pop music. In a perfect world, "fight the real enemy" concepts apply. Why hate on Bieber when The Ready Set is obviously just so fucking appallingly worse?
9. Train “Hey Soul Sister”
After these results had been compiled, the Village Voice's list was noted as placing this song as the #1 worst song of 2010. Well, they were close. Oh by the way THERES AN ENTIRE BLOG DEDICATED TO HOW BAD THIS SONG IS.
8. Nickelback “This Afternoon”
I love muh country. I love muh guns. This was Nickelback's 9th Top 40 hit. My word, there's a lot of lovely ladies in this video, who strangely enough have a combined IQ of 10, which actually beats the number of singles that Nickelback's had in the Top 40 by 1 whole point. Congrats to the ladies. Don't forget to vote Palin in 2012.
7. Bo Burnham “Words Words Words”
This song didn't do too well chart-wise, which is a huge blessing since this dude was clearly trying to cash-in on the Owl City thing. In the odd case that it became a trend, we'd be in some BIG fucking trouble, people.
6. Timbaland feat. Katy Perry “If We Ever Meet Again”
This is the video where Timbaland can't keep his hand away from his chin, which was actually due to super glue getting stuck there, so it wasn't really his fault. As of 2011, I'd like to think most of the world's pop listening audience has come to accept auto-tune as a musical instrument in itself. Outstanding singles such as Daft Punk's "Digital Love" have effectively saved it from being forever associated with Cher, after people figured out the correct ways to use it. "If We Ever Meet Again" is a perfect example of how NOT to use auto-tune, as Timbaland does not seem to have the slightest clue what he's doing, turning a sloppily written verse into an even worse one, and setting us up for an outstandingly annoying chorus. The guest vocalist part is bland enough that it really could have been anyone at all, but ultimately Katy Perry was clearly chosen for the sole purpose of puttin' them big ol' titties in the video. Unfortunately, this is the same guy who produced such brilliance as "One In A Million" and "Pony." How the mighty have fallen...
5. Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars “Billionaire”
Good commentary on our nation's economic climate. For anyone who's reading along, it's probably obvious that I'm writing this while watching the videos.. I'm finding it amusing that Bruno Mars is lipsynching while making facial expression with his eyes closed and slightly nodding along to the music, which is normally expressed when a singer is really feeling the music deep down. I find this strange since "Billionaire" really contains no depth or soul whatsoever. Kids who are younger than 13 have an excuse.. Once upon a time I enjoyed that "I Wanna Be Rich" song even though it's (almost) equally abysmal.
4. Blood On The Dance Floor “Ima Monster”
Obviously targeting bi-curious teens who just saw Party Monster for the first time within the past year. If you don't think the chorus of this song is vomit, just give up on listening to music. Thanks to "Ima Monster," I'm starting to think Ke$ha's a genius. That's all I have for this one... Bland nothingness. Hardly merits a review.
3. Kid CuDi feat. Kanye West “Erase Me”
Each individual "sung" lyric is so off-key and sharp that it’s nearly equivalent to being stabbed in the eardrum. Method Man and Raekwon might as well add another torture method to their list... "I'll fuckin.. I'll fuckin.. Stab your eardrums with 'Erase Me' cranked all the way up. BLAAAA!!" If anyone would like to join, I’m considering contacting lawyers for a class-action lawsuit against Kid CuDi for assault of the ear. Honestly, Kanye’s verse in this isn’t even that great, but compared to the rest, it’s like having one’s head temporarily pulled out of the toilet for a few seconds of oxygen, only to have Kid CuDi’s voice push it back under for another 20 seconds right afterwards. This is what pain sounds like.
2. She & Him “In The Sun”
Wikipedia reveals that Zooey D descends from a well-known Hollywood family. Wow, you’re kidding? You mean she didn’t have to go through any kind of formal acting school or voice training to get where she is today? You’d never know it from listening to “In The Sun” which, based on her Kermit-The-Frog-esq vocal stylings, may or may not have been a tribute to 6th grade talent shows. Her voice also initially reminded me of a non-muppet as well, although it was hard to place until several months later, when I realized it was the giant-prosthetic-cheeks lady from Eraserhead who sings "In Heaven, Everything Is Fine." A side-by-side comparison might be necessary...
1. Artists For Haiti “We Are The World 25”
"We Are The World" was written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie over the course of something like 45 minutes... It's not an especially incredible song.. In fact, it's kinda lame and mediocre overall. But if there is any single aspect that made USA For Africa special, it was absolutely the performances. Kenny Rogers, Huey Lewis, Cyndi Lauper and Hall & Oates may not be big names in the charts these days, but their singing voices are still hugely recognizable, not to mention Dylan, Bruce, MJ, Stevie Wonder, Steve Perry, Tina Turner & Ray Charles... Everyone who even sorta knows pop music knows these voices. In the extreme opposite direction, Artists For Haiti succeeded in showing how great these original performances actually were, as the majority of the singers on the 2010 version sounds like the exact same voice, the exceptions being phoned-in awkwardness from the likes of Tony Bennett and Barbara Streisand among others.. Jamie Foxx does a Ray Charles impression for no apparent reason. Wyclef starts screaming out of nowhere. The autotune simply does not fit the song... There's no place for guitar solos in this without it sounding out of place. And when you think it can't get worse, here comes the banger outro rap unison section, featuring a who's who of the best rappers of 1996. Seven minutes of non-stop cringeworthy awkward moments, one after another.. That's really the best way to describe this shitpile.. Contributing to good causes through bad songs should really be illegal.
The song titles are youtube links...
20. Owl City “Fireflies”
Yo, fuck this dude. "Fireflies" somehow elluded our writers as among the worst of 2009, but it's been determined that this is worse than "My Humps" or anything by Nickelback... It's arguably the worst song of the entire 2000 to 2009 decade. This is currently up for debate. What we do know at this time: A few songs on last year's worst-of list eventually ended up actually growing in the lulz category.. and lulz still count for something. For example, every song by Ke$ha... or like BrokeNCyde for example... If a song is hilarious, even if it's terrible, it contains merit. "Fireflies" has no humor whatsoever. Only annoyance. It probably should have been last year's #1 (although we still stand by "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" as our choice overall...)19. Angelina Pivarnick “I’m Hot”
The bitch is back! Watch out guys! You thought you could get rid of her, but she's still here! Or that's probably what she thought would happen by trying to go viral with this guido-humor meta-tongue-in-cheek whatever it's supposed to be...
18. Kid Rock “Born Free”
The vocals are the real deal breaker here, which is a shame since this is hardly Bob's worst song... But Jesus... I have a feeling this dude's singing on full blast could shatter all the ice on my driveway. In fact, I might try that later.
17. Enrique Iglesias feat. Ludacris “Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”
Excellent subtlety. You win Enrique.
16. Santana feat. Scott Stapp “Fortunate Son”
Santana's guitar style hasn't changed in 40 years, so that's hardly anything cringeworthy that we haven't heard before. For all intents, "Fortunate Son" sounds exactly the same as everything on that huge record from late '99 which was probably Clive Davis produced if I had to take a guess without referring to wikipedia... However the immortal Stapp does what Rob Thomas never could, taking that bull by the horns and riding it into that certain area of the stratosphere just above the garbage dumps of New Jersey. Halfway through this banger, Stapp starts doing some "funky vocal improvisation" which really gives the track that extra zing. Santana ended up cutting this from the final tracklisting and included "Fortuante Son" as a bonus track/download only type of thing. Stapp got bummed about this and he called up Santana crying, "Why Santana?? Why'd ya do it, huh??" There was no one on the other end because Stapp was too drunk to dial the phone. Poor Stapp.15. Bruno Mars “Just The Way You Are”
I kinda feel bad making fun of Bruno Mars because he's probably just a normal dude with a lame hat that his record company forced him to wear so that he doesn't look quite so ordinary. The drums are the only slightly sorta passable element of this song... Everything else is just annoyingly contrived and calculated.. The chick in this video is super hot, which is somehow also annoying due to the shittiness of the song. Sorry Bruno Mars. Put out some good music and then you won't end up in the worst-of list anymore. Simple enough.
14. Orianthi “According To You”
A few weeks after Michael Jackson died, I recall CNN's Wolf Blitzer presenting The Situation Room with "Breaking News" regarding a tape from the last rehearsal session for Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour. They showed the clip probably 15 times over the next 3 hours. The clip ended up being used in the movie, and Orianthi was the blonde chick playing guitar who kinda stood out amongst everyone else (besides MJ obviously). It was only a matter of time before she was given a recording contract to release a bunch of "Since You Been Gone" ripoffs. "According to you, I'm ugly. But according to me, I'm attractive. But according to her, I'm happy. But according to him, I'm sad. But according to Mom, I'm good. But according to Dad, I'm bad."13. Jackyl “Just Like A Negro”
Apparently Jackyl are friends with members of the band Mother's Finest, a rock group of funky black dudes who originally recorded this in the 70's. But since nobody knows this is a cover, Jackyl ends up looking racist as shit. To be honest, this song isn't completely vile, but is mostly here based on principle. I mean, honestly... Who do they think they're kidding?
12. Lil Wayne feat. Nicki Minaj “Knockout”
Lil Wayne picked up a guitar and the 1st four chords he learned just happened to be the same four chords in Avril Lavigne's "Sk8erboi." Nicky Minaj just happened to be hanging out in the studio down the hallway. They made up a shitty uninspired chorus on the spot, and a future classic is born. Apparently that's all it takes...
11. Big Time Rush “Halfway There”
More boy-band shit... House music's recent huge influence on the Top 40 has resulted in boy bands sounding more gay-friendly than ever. Lou Pearlman is now watching this video from prison planning his escape Shawshank style, digging with a spoon and chanting to himself, "I must pound that ass." He's motivated. I'll bet this happens in 2011. EDIT: Apparently they have their own TV show on Nickelodeon like The Monkees. I swear I'm not that out of touch.. Back in like 1986, Nick used to show The Monkees every afternoon. Now they show Big Time Rush. I'm not that old. I swear to gald.
10. The Ready Set “Love Like Woe”
I don't care if I'm dating myself. It happens. So yeah, the story goes like this: As a 5th grader back in 1990, it was cool for boys to hate New Kids On The Block, calling them "gay" or whatever.. We were little kids. It was 1990 and we didn't know any better. It just made sense, even though I secretly had a "greatest hits" mixtape that I enjoyed, comprised of their singles which I copied from the girls who lived next door who owned every NKOTB album. I would imagine the same situation is applying these days regarding Justin Bieber's relation to straight 12-year-old dudes who simply appreciate decent pop music. In a perfect world, "fight the real enemy" concepts apply. Why hate on Bieber when The Ready Set is obviously just so fucking appallingly worse? 9. Train “Hey Soul Sister”
After these results had been compiled, the Village Voice's list was noted as placing this song as the #1 worst song of 2010. Well, they were close. Oh by the way THERES AN ENTIRE BLOG DEDICATED TO HOW BAD THIS SONG IS.
8. Nickelback “This Afternoon”
I love muh country. I love muh guns. This was Nickelback's 9th Top 40 hit. My word, there's a lot of lovely ladies in this video, who strangely enough have a combined IQ of 10, which actually beats the number of singles that Nickelback's had in the Top 40 by 1 whole point. Congrats to the ladies. Don't forget to vote Palin in 2012.
7. Bo Burnham “Words Words Words”
This song didn't do too well chart-wise, which is a huge blessing since this dude was clearly trying to cash-in on the Owl City thing. In the odd case that it became a trend, we'd be in some BIG fucking trouble, people.
6. Timbaland feat. Katy Perry “If We Ever Meet Again”
This is the video where Timbaland can't keep his hand away from his chin, which was actually due to super glue getting stuck there, so it wasn't really his fault. As of 2011, I'd like to think most of the world's pop listening audience has come to accept auto-tune as a musical instrument in itself. Outstanding singles such as Daft Punk's "Digital Love" have effectively saved it from being forever associated with Cher, after people figured out the correct ways to use it. "If We Ever Meet Again" is a perfect example of how NOT to use auto-tune, as Timbaland does not seem to have the slightest clue what he's doing, turning a sloppily written verse into an even worse one, and setting us up for an outstandingly annoying chorus. The guest vocalist part is bland enough that it really could have been anyone at all, but ultimately Katy Perry was clearly chosen for the sole purpose of puttin' them big ol' titties in the video. Unfortunately, this is the same guy who produced such brilliance as "One In A Million" and "Pony." How the mighty have fallen... 5. Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars “Billionaire”
Good commentary on our nation's economic climate. For anyone who's reading along, it's probably obvious that I'm writing this while watching the videos.. I'm finding it amusing that Bruno Mars is lipsynching while making facial expression with his eyes closed and slightly nodding along to the music, which is normally expressed when a singer is really feeling the music deep down. I find this strange since "Billionaire" really contains no depth or soul whatsoever. Kids who are younger than 13 have an excuse.. Once upon a time I enjoyed that "I Wanna Be Rich" song even though it's (almost) equally abysmal. 4. Blood On The Dance Floor “Ima Monster”
Obviously targeting bi-curious teens who just saw Party Monster for the first time within the past year. If you don't think the chorus of this song is vomit, just give up on listening to music. Thanks to "Ima Monster," I'm starting to think Ke$ha's a genius. That's all I have for this one... Bland nothingness. Hardly merits a review.
3. Kid CuDi feat. Kanye West “Erase Me”
Each individual "sung" lyric is so off-key and sharp that it’s nearly equivalent to being stabbed in the eardrum. Method Man and Raekwon might as well add another torture method to their list... "I'll fuckin.. I'll fuckin.. Stab your eardrums with 'Erase Me' cranked all the way up. BLAAAA!!" If anyone would like to join, I’m considering contacting lawyers for a class-action lawsuit against Kid CuDi for assault of the ear. Honestly, Kanye’s verse in this isn’t even that great, but compared to the rest, it’s like having one’s head temporarily pulled out of the toilet for a few seconds of oxygen, only to have Kid CuDi’s voice push it back under for another 20 seconds right afterwards. This is what pain sounds like.
2. She & Him “In The Sun”
Wikipedia reveals that Zooey D descends from a well-known Hollywood family. Wow, you’re kidding? You mean she didn’t have to go through any kind of formal acting school or voice training to get where she is today? You’d never know it from listening to “In The Sun” which, based on her Kermit-The-Frog-esq vocal stylings, may or may not have been a tribute to 6th grade talent shows. Her voice also initially reminded me of a non-muppet as well, although it was hard to place until several months later, when I realized it was the giant-prosthetic-cheeks lady from Eraserhead who sings "In Heaven, Everything Is Fine." A side-by-side comparison might be necessary...1. Artists For Haiti “We Are The World 25”
"We Are The World" was written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie over the course of something like 45 minutes... It's not an especially incredible song.. In fact, it's kinda lame and mediocre overall. But if there is any single aspect that made USA For Africa special, it was absolutely the performances. Kenny Rogers, Huey Lewis, Cyndi Lauper and Hall & Oates may not be big names in the charts these days, but their singing voices are still hugely recognizable, not to mention Dylan, Bruce, MJ, Stevie Wonder, Steve Perry, Tina Turner & Ray Charles... Everyone who even sorta knows pop music knows these voices. In the extreme opposite direction, Artists For Haiti succeeded in showing how great these original performances actually were, as the majority of the singers on the 2010 version sounds like the exact same voice, the exceptions being phoned-in awkwardness from the likes of Tony Bennett and Barbara Streisand among others.. Jamie Foxx does a Ray Charles impression for no apparent reason. Wyclef starts screaming out of nowhere. The autotune simply does not fit the song... There's no place for guitar solos in this without it sounding out of place. And when you think it can't get worse, here comes the banger outro rap unison section, featuring a who's who of the best rappers of 1996. Seven minutes of non-stop cringeworthy awkward moments, one after another.. That's really the best way to describe this shitpile.. Contributing to good causes through bad songs should really be illegal.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
HEY, NICE VIDS (HM): Travis Porter "Make It Rain"
Narrowly missed the deadline for official entry.. This prolly would've beat out Kanye & Badu.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #1 El Guincho "Bombay"
One of the first things that got posted on the "blog" version of this website was the long overdue 20 Best Promo Videos Ever feature which had Jay-Z's "99 Problems" in at #1. I haven't done a side-by-side comparison just yet, but I've been starting to wonder if there is possibly a new #1 video of all time, and if "Bombay" is that video. I still may need some time to sort out the whole thing, but this just might be the most strikingly beautiful, exciting, and evocative promotional video ever made for a song. I'm pretty sure it's better than the whole of Holy Mountain. The director's pitch for the bonus of all bonuses: "Hey El Guincho, I have a tremendously great idea for your new video. Let's not only compile an insane shitload of cinematically gorgeous shots, but let's also fill up a good 50-60% of the video with beautiful topless women. Does this possibly sound like something you might be interested in?"
The directors eliminate any risk of this turning into a distasteful mess, objectifying all those poor young girls. And things might have gone downhill for El Guincho very quickly. But it's entirely artful and in good taste, with bonus points for band performance, of course. And even the shots of the band are awesome! Everyone looks like they had a blast making this thing. Contagious and inspirational.
So once you get past the initial rush of "wow wtf amazing," we're left with many questions: Why is El Guincho always so concerned with audio recordings? Why is he in the middle of the woods when 2 babes force him out of hiding with guns? And generally speaking, what's up with all the guns? Aside from the boobies, it's the most prominent recurring image in this video. Why does that dude want to shoot the poor stuffed panda bear? Did panda make it out of there okay? What became of the girl who was chloroformed? Or vacuum dude? Or baghead pianist? There's so much happening that we can't help inventing our own narrative. So many questions...
The directors eliminate any risk of this turning into a distasteful mess, objectifying all those poor young girls. And things might have gone downhill for El Guincho very quickly. But it's entirely artful and in good taste, with bonus points for band performance, of course. And even the shots of the band are awesome! Everyone looks like they had a blast making this thing. Contagious and inspirational.
So once you get past the initial rush of "wow wtf amazing," we're left with many questions: Why is El Guincho always so concerned with audio recordings? Why is he in the middle of the woods when 2 babes force him out of hiding with guns? And generally speaking, what's up with all the guns? Aside from the boobies, it's the most prominent recurring image in this video. Why does that dude want to shoot the poor stuffed panda bear? Did panda make it out of there okay? What became of the girl who was chloroformed? Or vacuum dude? Or baghead pianist? There's so much happening that we can't help inventing our own narrative. So many questions...
El Guincho - Bombay from CANADA on Vimeo.
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #2 Earl Sweatshirt "Earl"
"Let's all fucking kill ourselves." Probably the best youtube comment of alltime.
Tyler The Creator gets some props for his performance in this, when he experiences convulsions, falls backwards and foams at the mouth. For 3 or 4 weeks, I thought this video was real.
Tyler The Creator gets some props for his performance in this, when he experiences convulsions, falls backwards and foams at the mouth. For 3 or 4 weeks, I thought this video was real.
"EARL" /// Music Video. from AG Rojas on Vimeo.
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #3 The Arcade Fire "The Suburbs"
Rock bands made some shitty ass videos in 2010. However, Spike Jonze's "The Suburbs" would be a huge exception, featuring shots from the short unreleased film Scenes From The Suburbs. I normally subtract points from videos that don't include some form of musical performance or lipsynching, because that's what separates true "music videos" from "concurrent song and images." "The Suburbs" seems to be the latter, even though it's one of those cases where there's too much going on here to be ignored. It brings to mind images from Gummo, Children Of Men, Paranoid Park, and probably some Linklater stuff as well. It's always a bummer year for videos when there's no Gondry or Cunningham or Romanek floating around. So thank you to Spike Jonze for continuing with the killer clips.
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #4 Hot Chip "I Feel Better"
Part of me really wants to dislike this video, since making fun of boybands is a tired cliche that goes back probably prior to Blink 182's "All The Small Things," but I'm having trouble thinking of anything earlier. However, during the last minute or "I Feel Better," it all starts to make sense.
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #6 Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce "Telephone"
I just noticed that at some point over the last 24 hours, Youtube started using a different embed code, and the frame looks kinda different now. I tried to change the frame color, but it's not really working for me. Speaking of money, Lady Gaga clips remind me of the type of videos which used to be made by Michael Jackson, Guns N' Roses and Puff Daddy. It's good to know we have a modern equivalent in her, apparently willing to spend thousands of dollars on whatever extravagantly wasteful present she had mailed to Beyonce on her birthday (which might have been an undergarment coated with some type of expensive metal or rocks.. Google it.. I don't feel like remembering.) We need videos like "Telephone." Without excessive rock stars, the world is that much more depressing.
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #7 Kanye West "Power"
While failing to understand what really makes My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy interesting to listen to more than once, there's no denying such a visually stunning clip as this one...
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #8 Jonna Lee "iamamiwhoami"
The unfortunate truth: People wanted these videos to be of someone a lot more famous than Jonna Lee. When it wasn't, people stopped caring. The process toward unveiling who it was also got drawn out way too long. But on the bright side, the music and visuals are both very cool.
Here's the one where the tree cums...
And the hot ass beat one...
Here's the one where the tree cums...
And the hot ass beat one...
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #9 Erykah Badu feat. Lil Wayne "Jump Up In The Air And Stay There"
More drugs. This was already posted once several months ago. As the intro explains, it's "A Story By Erykah Badu," and what a storyteller that Badu, lemme tell you what... I forget whether it's supposed to be people who are too smart or too dumb who can't be hypnotized. Just use caution when watching this.
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #10 Eric Copeland "Fun Dink Death"
Since the mid-90's, and leading up to the advent of Youtube, video compilation and TV clip compilation steadily grew in (underground) popularity. I made a 6-hour "video mixtape" myself back in the Spring of 2006 of which I'm quite proud. Since Youtube, the 2 most adept TV clip compilers that I've seen have to be the guys who put together Everything Is Terrible and TV Carnage. Black Dice videos are put together the same way, and the inanity of their clip findings normally end up nicely matching the music. So when Black Dice member Eric Copeland's summer banger was unleashed, we all knew it was time for trippin' balls at the TV beach.
HEY, NICE VIDS (HM): M.I.A. "Born Free"
Rember this one? M.I.A. got all racist against gingers. Fuck em up good, Maya!
P.S. The kid didn't really die. (That's technically not a spoiler since you should have seen this video already.)
P.S. The kid didn't really die. (That's technically not a spoiler since you should have seen this video already.)
M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.
HEY, NICE VIDS (HM): The Drums "Me And The Moon"
To be honest, this isn't really that great of a video, but when it's on TV (as opposed to on youtube) it looks more authentically like 80's MTV than anything that's been aired in about 20 years. The lead singer dude actually dances worse than Natalie Imbruglia in the "Torn" video (which by the way means that he REALLY fucking sucks at dancing). Perhaps they were going for charm. Bonus points have been granted for purposely out of synch guitar strumming, and for the gadgets held by that one band-member with the hair. And also there's some good sweaters. However, those high school team jackets are hipster-trendy as shit these days.
HEY, NICE VIDS (HM): Caribou "Sun"
Obviously "HM" means "honorable mention." Did you think I was referring to H&M because of their tasteful selection of handbags? Not a chance. Grow up.
THE REAL DEAL: "Sun" looks like some old people with a lot of weed decided to throw a fuckin' rager. Much like the Chappelle's Show sketch with John Mayer, it effectively displays the major differences between white-people-dancing and black-people-dancing. It's also the type of video that used to play around 2:45AM on MTV's AMP circa-1999 between DJ Shadow's "High Noon" and Space Raiders' "Disko Doctor." It's good to know videos like this still get made. Also, the dudes who do the running-man halfway through this are the dance-contest winners IMO.
THE REAL DEAL: "Sun" looks like some old people with a lot of weed decided to throw a fuckin' rager. Much like the Chappelle's Show sketch with John Mayer, it effectively displays the major differences between white-people-dancing and black-people-dancing. It's also the type of video that used to play around 2:45AM on MTV's AMP circa-1999 between DJ Shadow's "High Noon" and Space Raiders' "Disko Doctor." It's good to know videos like this still get made. Also, the dudes who do the running-man halfway through this are the dance-contest winners IMO.
HEY, NICE VIDS (2010)
Time for the best promo videos of 2010. I really hope this doesn't take long.
2010 was a good year for music video directors to trip the fuck out on some hallucinogens (probably shrooms) since that's what 80-90% of the best promo videos of the year looked like. (I would say probably not salvia due to its intensity, which by the way is probably going to finally be outlawed in 2011 since CNN has started reporting on it, thank you very much Miley Cyrus. You ruined the fun for everybody because you just HAD to trip balls, didn't you?)
2010 was a good year for music video directors to trip the fuck out on some hallucinogens (probably shrooms) since that's what 80-90% of the best promo videos of the year looked like. (I would say probably not salvia due to its intensity, which by the way is probably going to finally be outlawed in 2011 since CNN has started reporting on it, thank you very much Miley Cyrus. You ruined the fun for everybody because you just HAD to trip balls, didn't you?)
List Of Lists: 2010 (Now With More Lists)
This is getting kind of uncool at this point... I've been making year end lists since I was 13, which would have been in 1993, long before it was ever a "thing." (I'm pretty sure "Daughter" was #1 and "Heart Shaped Box" was #2.) This was about 6 months before I ever first saw a chat room, and about 2 years before I ever first saw AOL or before I first experienced web-browsing. Back in those days, there was MTV's top 100 videos of the year, and SPIN and Rolling Stone's lists, and that was about it.
And now here we are, all these years later: http://www.largeheartedboy.com/blog/archive/2010/11/2010_yearend_on.html
Does it make sense to continue with this much intimidation? Yikes. There's no way in hell this website will end up on largeheartedboy's "list of lists" because nobody reads anything that gets posted here anyway.. Everyone's opinions matter, except the ones posted here.
There's a difference between the 7-thousand other EOY (end-of-year) lists on the world wide web and the ones posted here: The difference is that the other 7,000 are wrong, and Taste My Kids is right. No, really, it's true. I'll prove it.
Let's take a look at SPIN for example, where Cee-Lo Green's "Fuck You" was named the #1 song of 2010, as if this wasn't predictable enough since their #1 song/single always goes to megahuge indie/R&B/hiphop crossovers, such as "Feel Good Inc," "Crazy" and "Paper Planes." "Hey Ya" was one of these as well, but I don't remember if it was #1 on their "20 best single of the year." (It probably was.) But I do know that "Fuck You" is by far the least impressive out of all of these, since A) it sounds like a combination of Maroon 5, Bruno Mars and Black Eyed Peas, and B) it's fucking annoying and corny as shit. Earlier today, a Pitchfork writer reviewed this song (in at #26 on their "Tracks Of The Year") by spending the first half of the blurb listing the extensive recognition it's achieved, including (but not limited to) its inevitable Grammy nominations for Record and Song Of The Year. Nobody can accurately explain actually why this song is so amazing, probably because it isn't that amazing.
Also earlier today, Pitchfork listed not one but TWO songs from LCD Soundsystem's album in their top 20 of the year (which will likely be announced as their #2 album tomorrow right after Kanye). Although many of the songs in Pitchfork's 2010 tracks are rad (including a super-rad #1), for whatever reason they remain convinced that LCD has worked damn hard for his fellatio, and they're gonna give it to him good and thorough, bringing on that orgasm nice and slow so that the cum is all gooey. Did anyone actually bother listening to the LCD record before slapping it with a "Best New Music" tag? It's the sound of watching paint peel.. waiting for something to happen.. waiting and waiting.. And nothing does. Because this album is TERRIBLE. Some might even call it "TURRBLE." The best song is "Pow Pow" which got old after about 2 weeks. Boring boring blah blah blah.
We've made our point. Taste My Kids is the only reliable source for goodness.
Throughout the frustration, it's been decided to proceed with minimal effort. Whatever happens happens.
And now here we are, all these years later: http://www.largeheartedboy.com/blog/archive/2010/11/2010_yearend_on.html
Does it make sense to continue with this much intimidation? Yikes. There's no way in hell this website will end up on largeheartedboy's "list of lists" because nobody reads anything that gets posted here anyway.. Everyone's opinions matter, except the ones posted here.
There's a difference between the 7-thousand other EOY (end-of-year) lists on the world wide web and the ones posted here: The difference is that the other 7,000 are wrong, and Taste My Kids is right. No, really, it's true. I'll prove it.
Let's take a look at SPIN for example, where Cee-Lo Green's "Fuck You" was named the #1 song of 2010, as if this wasn't predictable enough since their #1 song/single always goes to megahuge indie/R&B/hiphop crossovers, such as "Feel Good Inc," "Crazy" and "Paper Planes." "Hey Ya" was one of these as well, but I don't remember if it was #1 on their "20 best single of the year." (It probably was.) But I do know that "Fuck You" is by far the least impressive out of all of these, since A) it sounds like a combination of Maroon 5, Bruno Mars and Black Eyed Peas, and B) it's fucking annoying and corny as shit. Earlier today, a Pitchfork writer reviewed this song (in at #26 on their "Tracks Of The Year") by spending the first half of the blurb listing the extensive recognition it's achieved, including (but not limited to) its inevitable Grammy nominations for Record and Song Of The Year. Nobody can accurately explain actually why this song is so amazing, probably because it isn't that amazing.
Also earlier today, Pitchfork listed not one but TWO songs from LCD Soundsystem's album in their top 20 of the year (which will likely be announced as their #2 album tomorrow right after Kanye). Although many of the songs in Pitchfork's 2010 tracks are rad (including a super-rad #1), for whatever reason they remain convinced that LCD has worked damn hard for his fellatio, and they're gonna give it to him good and thorough, bringing on that orgasm nice and slow so that the cum is all gooey. Did anyone actually bother listening to the LCD record before slapping it with a "Best New Music" tag? It's the sound of watching paint peel.. waiting for something to happen.. waiting and waiting.. And nothing does. Because this album is TERRIBLE. Some might even call it "TURRBLE." The best song is "Pow Pow" which got old after about 2 weeks. Boring boring blah blah blah.
We've made our point. Taste My Kids is the only reliable source for goodness.
Throughout the frustration, it's been decided to proceed with minimal effort. Whatever happens happens.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Village Voice "worst songs of 2010"
With about 8% of the year left to go, the same bloggers who presented last year's 50 Worst Songs Of The 00's has just this morning launched their 20 Worst Songs Of 2010.
We're expecting TMK's forthcoming "20 worst songs of 2010" to be hugely different from this one... This is just for the sake of some nice comparisons.
We're expecting TMK's forthcoming "20 worst songs of 2010" to be hugely different from this one... This is just for the sake of some nice comparisons.
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