40 Guilty Pleasure Jams 2000-2009 (the big list)

We're hoping that anyone who used to frequent this page didn't choose any point over the past 4 days to ask themselves "hey I wonder what taste my kids has been up to" and so they visit here for the first time in a couple years, and there's fucking Lenny Kravitz, leading people to believe we've headed down the shitter...

So let's see what we got...

(Bonus) Korn "Word Up" (2004)
(Bonus) Katy Perry "Hot N Cold" (2008)
(Bonus) T-Pain "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')" (2007)
(Bonus) Aaron Lewis ft. Fred Durst "Outside" (2000)
(Bonus) Jimmy Eat World "Work" (2004)

#40 Snoop Dogg "Sexual Eruption" (2007)
#39 iiO "Rapture" (2001)
#38 Britney Spears "I'm A Slave 4 U" (2001)
#37 P Diddy & The Bad Boy Family "Bad Boy for Life" (2001)
#36 D12 "Purple Pills" (2001)
#35 Ciara "One, Two Step" (2005)
#34 Ke$ha "Tik Tok" (2009)
#33 Aerosmith "Jaded" (2001)
#32 Michael Jackson "You Rock My World" (2001)
#31 L.F.O. (Lyte Funky Ones) "Every Other Time" (2001)

#30 Drake "Best I Ever Had" (2009)
#29 Velvet Revolver "Fall to Pieces" (2004)
#28 Stacie Orrico "Stuck" (2003)
#27 Avril Lavigne "Complicated" (2002) / Taylor Swift "Forever and Always" (2009)
#26 The All American Rejects "Swing Swing" (2002)
#25 Ginuwine "Differences" (2002) / Mario "Let Me Love You" (2004)
#24 Peter Searcy "Losing Light Fast" (2000) / Matchbox 20 "Unwell" (2002)
#23 Panic! at the Disco "That Green Gentleman" (2008) / "New Perspective" (2009)
#22 Afroman "Because I Got High" (2001) / The Bloodhound Gang "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" (2005)
#21 Gwen Stefani "Hollaback Girl" (2005)

#20 Sisqo "Dance for Me" (2001)
#19 Madonna "Don't Tell Me" (2000)
#18 Good Charlotte "Girls and Boys" (2003)
#17 Madison Avenue "Don't Call Me Baby" (2000)
#16 Samantha Mumba "Gotta Tell You" (2000)
#15 Miley Cyrus "Party in the U.S.A." (2009)
#14 Lenny Kravitz "Again" (2000)
#13 Fall Out Boy "Dance Dance" (2005) / Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" (2006)
#12 Elton John "I Want Love" (2001)
#11 BBMak "Back Here"

#10 Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow "Picture" (2002)
#09 G-Unit "Wanna Get to Know You" (2004)
#08 Keane "Somewhere Only We Know" / Coldplay "Sparks" (2000) / Snow Patrol "Run" (2004)
#07 Crazy Town "Butterfly" (2000)
#06 R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet" Parts 1-22 (2005-2007)
#05 Michelle Branch "Everywhere" (2001) / Santana "The Game of Love" (2002)
#04 American Hi-Fi "Flavor of the Weak" (2001)
#03 Nelly "Flap Your Wings" (2004)
#02 Papa Roach "Scars" (2004)
#01 'N Sync "Gone" (2001) / "Girlfriend" (2002)

2000: 8
2001: 13
2002: 7
2003: 2
2004: 8
2005: 5
2006: 1
2007: 3
2008: 2
2009: 5

Besides the surprisingly low turnouts from 2003 and 2006, this is pretty much what we expected. The first half of the decade had 38 mentions, and the second half had 15 mentions. Not surprising at all and probably an indicator of what to expect if/when a 2000's mix/jams/best-of thing gets posted here.

2000's Guilt #01: 'N Sync “Gone” (2001) / "Girlfriend" (2002)

We have no desire whatsoever to defend 'N Sync, mostly because they're fucking awful. But we will verify that their last 2 singles are the only two things in the entire "boy band" genre worth anyone's attention. Once we move past the awkward-as-fuck intro of "Gone," the production subtitles are kind of out-of-this-world amazing. Whoever worked on this got REAL fuckin paid and absolutely knew what they were doing. Plus, "Girlfriend" is probably The Neptunes' most understated hit song simply because of who sings on it, but when that Neptunes boxed set drops, "Girlfriend" absolutely deserves to be in the first 5 songs on Disc One.

And we'll give some credit where it's due: The awesomeness of these 2 jams are partially due to Just Timb's vocal performance. While the other four dudes in the group may have considered it unfair, Jive absolutely made a wise business decision to not issue singles featuring the other group members singing lead. Seriously, when you're a grown man approaching 30 and getting paid millions of dollars to sing and dance around like a fucking asshole for the sole purpose of teaching 11-year-olds to masturbate, are you really going to take your job seriously enough to get angry over one group member receiving too many solos? Who the FUCK cares. You're in fucking 'N SYNC. But since it led to the group's demise, this should be considered a positive thing.

"Gone" was our #6 guilty pleasure jam of 2001... 5 songs from that list appeared throughout the "2000's Guilt," which makes 2001 the winner. Also whoever cast the chicks in these 2 videos deserved their pay raise.

2000's Guilt #02: Papa Roach “Scars” (2005)

This was our #1 guilty pleasure song of 2005:

This is what it sounds like when the angriest football player in school comes out of the closet. The artist formerly known as Coby Dick was once cashing-in on the angry family-hating y2k atmosphere that made millionaires out of Limp, Staind & Mudd. Five years later, radio friendly nu-metal is dead, and fake-emo is in. This is the same reason why Hoobastank followed up the oddly over-aggressive "Out Of Control" with the significantly sappier (abysmal) "The Reason," and why Sum 41 followed-up the punked-out anti-everything "We're All To Blame" with that song that sounds like Coldplay. The first single keeps the fans from crying "sell out," but the second single maintains their record contract and ensures U.S. Top 40 spins.

This is an interesting point since Hoobastank's "The Reason," Sum 41's "Pieces" and "Scars" were all the last time the mainstream heard from any of these bands... and even stranger since "The Reason" specifically was fucking huge.

P-Roach and their label strategically planned out a similar tactic, making "Scars" the follow-up to the execrable "Getting Away With Murder." But somehow the 2nd single in this case turned out to be their best song ... It's so stupid and catchy and simple that eventually, it sticks. - TMK, 1/12/06

What's even stranger is that this song seems to get better with every passing year. If we were gutsy enough to include this is the "best of the 2000's" list, "Scars" probably would have placed embarrassingly well.

2000's Guilt #03: Nelly “Flap Your Wings” (2004)

(For some reason, there's a different song playing in this video up until the 0:36 mark.)

"Hot in Herre," "EI," "Ride Wit Me," "Country Grammar.." These are normally listed as the most essential Nelly jams. For white and older humans, they may be familiar with "Over and Over." Apparently that piece of shit "Grillz" was at #1 for a week a few years ago. But for some reason, no one's ever heard "Flap Your Wings," essentially the sequel to the hugely successful "Hot In Herre," although filled with more subtitles and less immediate hooks, signaling the start of a more beat-centered era for The Neptunes. As there were less immediate hooks and it wasn't as easy to here Pharrell singing over the track, it was considered a disappointment at the time which is probably why radio never played it. The major hook of the song becomes obvious towards the very end of the song which only includes percussion and drums. Infectious drumloops like these are hard to come by these days.

2000's Guilt #04: American Hi-Fi “Flavor of the Weak” (2001)

We're now getting into the shit that stood a chance for inclusion in "2000's jams" (or whatever it ends up being called), although these two countdowns will be purposely avoiding redundancy. ("Flavor of the Weak" placed #3 on 2001's guilty pleasure list.)

Checking Wikipedia, the singer used to be the drummer for Veruca Salt and is currently the drummer for Miley Cyrus along with 2 other members of American Hi-Fi, who are surprisingly still functioning as a band in 2011. Superfluous and awkward usage of "Nintendo" in the chorus can be attributed to sub-Weezer leanings, although the song did end up foreshadowing some of the best un-edgy mainstream rock singles of the next few years. The guiltiest awesome-est moment of this song is probably in the last 15 seconds when the line "She makes me weak" arrives just before that final sustained unresolved chord. Fuck you, this shit rules.

2000's Guilt #05: Michelle Branch “Everywhere” (2001) / Santana “The Game of Love” (2002)

Whatever happened to this chick? She had quite a thing going for a minute... Cute girl sings cute songs about dudes. And of course the most important element of all: she's actually not annoying. Perfect. "Everywhere" was our #2 guilty pleasure song of 2001.

"The Game of Love" was written by Gregg Alexander from The New Radicals, which explains why Michelle Branch and Santana suddenly sounded like their songs were being written by Todd Rundgren. (Surprisingly, "I Saw the Light" has yet to be butchered by any current Top 40 artists, although a cover from Santana and Michelle Branch might have potential.) By 2002, The New Radicals had been disbanded for nearly three years, a wise decision since no one would have ever heard this song if he had sung it himself as the first single from their follow-up album. Instead, it's the only remotely palatable song from any of Santana's "comeback" records.

2000's Guilt #06: R.Kelly “Trapped In the Closet” Parts 1-22 (2005-2007)

"R.Kelly Peed On A Fucking Child And Got Away With It. That Is The Most Swagged Out Shit I Have Ever Heard In My Life." - Tyler, the Creator

2000's Guilt #07: Crazy Town “Butterfly” (2000)

This was our #10 guilty pleasure song of 2001, and I never bothered trying to locate the sample until just now... go to 0:51...


So even though the majority of the elements in "Butterfly" are incredibly lame, that sample is strong enough to go on for 10 minutes straight and still sound amazing. There's a lot to be embarrassed about besides that... "Me and you is like Sid and Nancy." Yuck. But whatever... It doesn't matter, because for 3 minutes we're grooving to one of the sickest bass samples since "The Humpty Dance." Is Flea a genius? We're thinking "possibly." Granted, RHCP can get pretty lame at times, but when they were on their shit, they fucking killed it. Also, the member of Crazy Town who discovered how well this bassline works over a hiphop beat deserves a fucking medal (which they kind of received already since this was a #1 single and resulted in a platinum record).

2000's Guilt #08: Keane “Somewhere Only We Know” (2004) / Coldplay “Sparks” (2000) / Snow Patrol “Run” (2004)

As long as we're getting into guilty pleasures, we might as well just come right out: Coldplay's Parachutes is a fucking solid LP that none of their copycats, nor the band themselves, were ever able to match, although Parachutes itself came close to matching one of its most obvious influences, The Verve's Urban Hymns, while Radiohead normally takes most of the blame, which really makes no sense at all, with the exception of two songs: "High and Dry" and "Fake Plastic Trees," both influenced by Jeff Buckley's Grace.

So with this logic, poor Jeff Buckley should be taking all the blame for the genre that produced Snow Patrol, Keane, Augustana, Aqualung, Travis, and at its worst, James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." We can't let this happen. If this is the kind of world where Jeff Buckley is the scapegoat that led to "You're Beautiful..." ... But wait a sec, fucking Cobain has been painted by imbeciles as the scapegoat that led to Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me," so it's not like this hasn't already happened on a different scale.

Whatever.. "Sparks" is probably our favorite song from Parachutes. "Run" is kinda repetitive and about 2 minutes too long, but it has a really nice intro. (The video version posted below is a much more appropriate song-length.)

While Keane isn't really anything to be proud of enjoying, "Somewhere Only We Know" is the actual reason why this entry exists... It's without question the best and most fully formed song out of every Coldplay-copycat single. Best production, best performance, best songwriting. They nailed it.

2000's Guilt #09: G-Unit “Wanna Get to Know You” (2004)

We've made it all the way to #9... Keeping in mind that we've now seen the likes of BBMak, Sisqo, Good Charlotte and Drake, we've now made it to the gayest moment in this entire list, which would be around 3:20 in this video when 50 Cent stares into the camera in slow motion with this strange awkward look on his face and says "Let me touch on you, I'll let you touch on me, I'll put my tongue on you, you put your tongue on me..." The video director cuts to a chick in the middle of this lyric, but those who know better are fully aware of what's up...

2000's Guilt #10: Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow “Picture” (2002)

Similar to our Lenny Kravitz post, we cannot proceed without stating how much damage Kid Rock has done to American music, if for no other reason than his assistance with giving Uncle Kracker a platform for mediocrity, but more importantly because his music always seems to provide false justification for American ignorance. This is a guy who literally spent money to have a Radiohead logo printed onto toilet paper. That said, "Picture" is the one instance when he was able to provide any substantial depth in one of his radio singles. Wikipedia does not provide information on who had a bigger hand in songwriting between Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock, but seeing as how Crow had already established herself as the better songwriter (and better singer) between the two, it's not especially difficult to figure out. P.S. Cool guitar solo, not.

2000's Guilt #11: BBMak “Back Here” (2000)

Not sure if this is really embarrassing or just somewhat... but "Back Here" is another one of those singles that we went fucking APESHIT for. It started out modestly enough as our #4 guilty pleasure single of 2000, and eventually achieved such accolades as being named the 45th best song OF ALL TIME on March 18th 2003. (An officially posted alltime list on 10/8/04 also includes "Back Here" at #114.) Just in case anyone was wondering, this is a gross overstatement. Nostalgia has strangely had an opposite effect on this song, making it seem more embarrassing as opposed to more endearing, but we still feel strongly enough to place it above anything from those fucking old creepy weirdos in Backstreet Boys or Take That. If you disagree, you are frontin'.

2000's Guilt #12: Elton John “I Want Love” (2001)

Following 9/11/01, MTV temporarily switched their format to playing mostly videos for about a month (or maybe longer)... This is when most of us saw The Strokes' "Last Nite" for the first time, as well as repeated airings of Robert Downey Jr lipsynching to a very Beatles-influenced Elton John track... If it wasn't intentionally meant by Elton John & Bernie Taupin to sound like a Jeff Lynne engineered McCartney album from 1995, then whoever produced it probably wanted it to sound that way. The song also helps us to recognize Elton John as the original godfather of reer, the specific vocal inflection popularized by Pearl Jam and ruined shortly afterwards by Hootie, Creed and Nickelback. Elton's is more country-flavored, however, which isn't nearly as embarrassing.

2000's Guilt #13: Fall Out Boy “Dance Dance” (2005) / Gym Class Heroes “Cupid’s Chokehold” (2006)

Both songs fell victim to embarrassingly awful videos, especially considering Pete Wentz was a 29-year-old grown human sincerely acting as a high school student without any irony whatsoever. (Michael J Fox, he is not.) We would have posted 2 live videos in order to avoid these embarrassments, except there are no live Gym Class Heroes performances on Youtube with that sideburns dude from FOB, and the "Breakfast In America" chorus is obviously the best part of that song.

"Cupid's Chokehold" was our #17 worst song of 2006, and then our #5 guilty pleasure single of 2007. To an even greater extreme, Fall Out Boy's From Under The Cork Tree was our worst album of 2005, followed by "Dance Dance" as the #1 guilty pleasure single of 2006:

...They are ruining music, whether you believe it or not. In fact, my hatred for this band is drastic enough that it sometimes leads me to claim outrageous opinionated statements that usually end up being true. Here’s an example: "At their best, Limp Bizkit was a better band than FOB ever was." (Okay, I’m reading it over... and... Yeah, that’s true. Wow, imagine that. There’s a band that actually makes me long for Fred Durst’s finer moments.)

This is now questionable... In hindsight, "Dance Dance" (their best song) probably surpasses "Break Stuff" (Limp's best song), but it's hard to say. Moving on...

That bassist with the teeth, Pete Whatshisname, is a very confusing rockstar, and I find it bizarre that the singer for this band was not chosen to be the focal point, another aspect that suggests insincerity. So all of this explains why "Dance Dance" is the guiltiest pleasure of 2006. They somehow managed to produce a near-perfect pop-punk song. And because it’s so shockingly good, it becomes their most Satanic accomplishment. Its video tried so very hard to suggest both fun and rebellion in the same breath, but instead it ended up being anti-fun, tedious, ugly, difficult, and anything but rebellious. It’s a remarkably shitty video, so bad that it distracted more than a few MTV viewers from understanding anything positive about the song it’s promoting. - TMK, 1/17/07

2000's Guilt #14: Lenny Kravitz “Again” (2000)

Honestly, I'm not sure how this list was ever considered a good idea... So far this is probably the most embarrassing failure in the history of Taste My Kids, which is why we've been posting everything so quickly. It's almost over... Keep on truckin...

So the story with this one is that Lenny Kravitz is like, fucking awful, and has zero good songs. Musically speaking, he's never done anything good ever. However, "Again" is the one song that's probably the least awful out of everything he's done.

To keep things interesting, we've also included a clip from The Cosby Show (one of the episodes with Bud because Bud rules).. The connection is that Lenny Kravitz cheated on Lisa Bonet back when she was super-hot, and that's the kind of behavior we should expect from untalented hacks like Lenny Kravitz.

2000's Guilt #15: Miley Cyrus “Party In The U.S.A.” (2009)

242 MILLION VIEWS, people. Holy fucking shit... For those who really need to have this spelled out for them, here's the deal... "Party in the U.S.A." did not make our "2009's Greatest Hits." However, it's a pretty great song. Huge hooks, awesome vocal melody, very fun and clearly a product of its time. However, the song's vocalist - who has yet to come across to us as anything other than an obnoxious little c-word - barely deserves to have her name associated with it. I'm pretty sure she's said several times that she doesn't even like "Party in the U.S.A." even though it's probably the only memorable thing she's ever sang.

This might be a great opportunity to share one of our proudest body-double discoveries: Miley Cyrus and the girl who plays Catherine Martin in Silence of the Lambs... We've included the "it rubs the lotion on its skin" scene for easy comparison.

2000's Guilt #16: Samantha Mumba “Gotta Tell You” (2000)

Another overseas artist... Turns out Samantha is from Ireland. Also, I'm just now realizing that I have not heard this song in over 10 years until this exact moment... So when "Gotta Tell You" was chosen for "2000's Guilt," the song playing in my head did not match the sounds on the video posted below... She sounds like the victim of an awful karaoke song-choice, hopelessly out of the singer's range. And to make matters even stranger, the video posted here is a lipsynching performance, meaning this is really how the song actually sounds. How about that... We finally found someone J.Lopez and Britney would beat in a singing contest. Back in 2000, pop stars with horrendously awful voices were a lot more commonplace. And I'm fairly positive this dance performance is right around 5th grade talent show caliber as well.

If you're strong enough to make it to the chorus, I guess it's not THAT bad...

2000's Guilt #17: Madison Avenue “Don’t Call Me Baby” (2000)

Somewhere between Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" and 3Oh!3's (already forgotten) shitty breakthrough single, the fight against blatant misogyny within pop culture started to seem like a lost cause. But back in 2000, disco hits like "Don't Call Me Baby" were still considered profitable commodities. In fact, IIRC the song did extremely well shooting to #1 in both the UK and in Australia, although it was only a minor hit in the United States. This is definitely the kind of song that would never chart today.

2000's Guilt #18: Good Charlotte “Girls and Boys” (2003)

Placed #3 in 2003's Guilty Pleasures list...

There is a song that I'm unable to identify, that Good Charlotte ripped off to make "Girls And Boys." It's not "Girls And Boys" by Blur, and it's not "Freak Of The Week" by Marvelous 3.... until I figure out what it is, the chorus of this song will continue to trigger my "good song" brain chemical.

I think I figured it out a few years ago, but I've since forgotten... It's def early-80's, like "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne or something similar...

2000's Guilt #19: Madonna “Don’t Tell Me” (2000)

There's no point in lying... 90% of the reason why this is here is because of Stella's "Raking Leaves" short. The other 10% is because it's her only good song of the past 15 years, although not quite the gem that SPIN called "the emotionally richest pop throwaway since the Supremes..." The weird guitar sample helped tremendously. The world needs more weird.