150 (+5) Most Fire of the 1980s

Here's a positive one. It's a positive day today.

Partially to wipe away the negativity of our 500 Worst but mostly in response to Paste's list, we got annoyed enough to throw this together.

We get lots of emails from Paste. Like, A LOT. And it's usually in the morning, and there's usually a megalist buried in each one somewhere, and then we continue laying in bed to quickly swipe through the whole thing. We feel like their choices are perpetually 2013 coded. Like no one ever told them that it's not 2013 anymore and it's ok to expand beyond Basic Pitchfork Canon Indie-Rock 101. It's ok to like more than 2 metal bands and admit that Los Campesinos was twee and boring.

Their list has no Metallica or My Bloody Valentine. Ours has 4 Metallicas and 8 MBVs. And maybe 11 Prince songs. Because it just feels accurate.

Have fun!



[Edit: We also did an 80 Jams From The '80s about 16 years ago.]

[Edit: We added some late additions to the Spotify playlist, including William Onyeabor, Loose Joints, 38 Special, and The Necessaries, respectively subbing for the missing My Bloody Valentine songs at #48, #55, #97, and #136. So this is now officially very confusing.]

1 Tears For Fears Everybody Wants to Rule The World
2 The Replacements Alex Chilton
3 The Cure Just Like Heaven
4 My Bloody Valentine Thorn
5 Michael Jackson Human Nature
6 Beastie Boys Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun
7 Janet Jackson Escapade
8 Kate Bush Running Up That Hill
9 Funky 4+1 That's The Joint
10 Metallica Welcome Home (Sanitarium)

11 Prince If I Was Your Girlfriend
12 The Cure A Forest
13 Black Sabbath Neon Knights
14 The Smiths How Soon Is Now?
15 Fleetwood Mac Little Lies
16 Dinosaur Jr Raisans
17 Psychedelic Furs Love My Way
18 Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five The Message
19 Mother Love Bone Chloe Dancer / Crown Of Thorns
20 The Replacements Bastards of Young

21 Joy Division Love Will Tear Us Apart
22 My Bloody Valentine Drive It All Over Me
23 Neneh Cherry Buffalo Stance
24 The Plimsouls A Million Miles Away
25 Randy Travis On The Other Hand
26 Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield What Have I Done To Deserve This
27 Hall & Oates I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)
28 The B-52s Give Me Back My Man
29 Living Colour Cult of Personality
30 My Bloody Valentine You Made Me Realise

31 Husker Du Don't Want To Know If You are Lonely
32 Def Leppard Animal
33 Blue Oyster Cult Burnin’ for You
34 Tracy Ullman They Don't Know
35 Black Sabbath The Mob Rules
36 Talking Heads Once In a Lifetime
37 The Replacements Hold My Life
38 Metallica The Four Horsemen
39 Ozzy Osbourne Crazy Train
40 Patrice Rushen Forget Me Nots

41 Jungle Brothers I'll House You
42 Prince When Doves Cry
43 Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers Islands In the Stream
44 Van Halen Unchained
45 Hall & Oates Say It Isn’t So
46 Bobb Trimble Glass Menagerie Fantasies
47 Inner City Good Life
48 My Bloody Valentine Lose My Breath
49 Motorhead Ace of Spades
50 Rush Limelight

51 Pixies Monkey Gone To Heaven
52 The Replacements Unsatisfied
53 Bruce Springsteen Tunnel of Love
54 My Bloody Valentine You Never Should
55 The Police Synchronicity II
56 Scritti Politti Perfect Way
57 Michael Jackson P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
58 Bad Brains Pay To Cum
59 Prince Purple Rain
60 The Cure All Cats Are Grey

61 Dinosaur Jr Freak Scene
62 Metallica Master of Puppets
63 Squeeze Pulling Mussels From The Shell
64 Slayer South Of Heaven
65 Lucinda Williams Changed The Locks
66 Cheap Trick I Can’t Take It
67 Sonic Youth Teenage Riot
68 Japan Ghosts
69 The Necessaries More Real
70 Prince Let's Go Crazy

71 U2 With Or Without You
72 Hall & Oates Private Eyes
73 The Replacements Kiss Me On The Bus
74 Minutemen History Lesson Part 2
75 Bobby Brown On Our Own
76 Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers A Thing About You
77 Black Sabbath Children of the Sea
78 Coctaeu Twins Garlands
79 Pixies Gigantic
80 Dinosaur Jr Forget the Swan

81 The Church Under The Milky Way
82 Fang The Money Will Roll Right In
83 Rites of Spring End On End
84 Hall & Oates One On One
85 Depeche Mode Never Let Me Down Again
86 Prince Sign 'O' The Times
87 Fleetwood Mac Everywhere
88 My Bloody Valentine Feed Me With Your Kiss
89 Minutemen Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing
90 Metallica One

91 Megadeth Peace Sells
92 Audio Two Top Billin'
93 Wang Chung To Live And Die In L.A.
94 Nu Shooz I Can't Wait
95 Technotronic Pump Up The Jam
96 Bryan Adams Cuts Like A Knife
97 My Bloody Valentine When You Wake You're Still in a Dream
98 Kate Bush Pull Out The Pin
99 Berlin The Metro
100 Suicidal Tendencies Institutionalized

101 Nirvana Beeswax
102 Prince Little Red Corvette
103 ESG My Love For You
104 Big Black Kerosene
105 Tom Petty Yer So Bad
106 Dinosaur Jr. Repulsion
107 Van Halen Jump
108 Til Tuesday Voices Carry
109 Sun Ra Nuclear War
110 The Bangles If She Knew What She Wants

111 Prince She's Always In My Hair
112 Amaswazi Emvelo Indoda Yejazi Elimnyama
113 Cro-Mags We Gotta Know
114 Madonna Lucky Star
115 Grace Jones Pull Up To The Bumper
116 Prince The Beautiful Ones
117 Red Hot Chili Peppers Knock Me Down
118 Tears For Fears Head Over Heels
119 Marine Girls Love To Know
120 T’Pau Heart and Soul

121 Gwen Guthrie Ain't Nothin' Goin' On But The Rent
122 Butthole Surfers 22 Going On 23
123 Dinosaur Jr In A Jar
124 Bryan Adams One Night Love Affair
125 Daryl Hall NYCNY
126 Paul McCartney Temporary Secretary
127 King Crimson Elephant Talk
128 Void Who Are You
129 Prince Pop Life
130 Public Enemy She Watch Channel Zero

131 Husker Du The Girl Who Lives On Heaven Hill
132 Faith No More Epic
133 The Police Omegaman
134 Wipers Return Of The Rat
135 Anthrax Caught In A Mosh
136 My Bloody Valentine Nothing Much To Lose
137 Crowded House Something So Strong
138 Flipper Love Canal
139 Peter Gabriel Games Without Frontiers
140 Van Halen Panama

141 Meat Puppets Plateau
142 Pretenders Tattooed Love Boys
143 Phil Collins In The Air Tonight
144 Def Leppard Hysteria
145 Prince The Ballad of Dorothy Parker
146 Pixies Hey
147 Echo and the Bunnymen The Killing Moon
148 Paul Davis Cool Night
149 Danzig Mother
150 No Trend Teen Love

151 Ministry Stigmata
152 Ultramagnetic MCs Ain't It Good To You
153 America You Can Do Magic
154 Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson Say Say Say
155 Spacemen 3 Losing Touch With My Mind

Van Halen's "Me Wise Magic" Turns 22

First was the Roth era; then Van Hagar. Their still ongoing third era is not as easy to quickly define, and it started with VH's reunion apperance at the 1996 VMAs. Since this moment, the story of Van Halen felt no longer fun or cool, but full of anger and complexity. If "Humans Being" was the swan song of the Hagar era, it might be as fair to call "Me Wise Magic" the long overdue swan song of the '77-'84 Roth era. But we hear it as the song that musically launched the frustrating current era, released to radio 22 years ago today on October 22, 1996.

Apparently both of the Roth-reunion songs from late '96 were pushed to active rock radio, but we only remember "Me Wise Magic." It charted at #1 for 6 weeks. We had all but forgotten about it until around Fall 2014. We're not even sure what jogged our memory, but we haven't stopped coming back to it ever since.

"Me Wise Magic" is the sound of Eddie, Alex and Michael distancing themselves from the initial Roth era and planning to kick off an all new, more mature, more musically complex "'90s Roth" era. Eddie is proceeding with caution. "How much longer will it take until he annoys the shit out of me again?" They wanted to tame him, but Diamond Dave cannot be contained.

Infinite timelines. They had already called off any reunion prospects by the time this song was released. "Me Wise Magic" definitely feels like it shouldn't exist, or that we just happen to live in the version of Earth where this really happened.

Despite the circumstances, they sound oddly unified with not a lot of push and pull. A very musically dense and expensive-sounding rock single with genuine hooks, it approaches "labored" without actually sounding that way. Are they having fun? Probably not. But two decades later, it became fun to listen to anyway.

Dave opts to really "go for it" with the classic "Roth screams," but his "low" vocals in the verses are the true Roth highlight. Plus, the first lyric "I know what you're thiknin'" feels lifted from Fred Gwynne in Pet Semetary.

Much of the appeal is definitely contextual, but also largely accidental. "Me Wise Magic" grows bigger than they were able to control and gloriously implodes before our eyes. It wouldn't be right to call it "outsider," but Van Halen built a huge, alluringly unnatural mini-monster.

LIT AF 2016: #70 - 41

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70. Swim Team “Dirty Work”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_Sal204Rd4

69. Noname “Yesterday”
"Back in the days / When I was young / I'm not a kid anymore / But somedays, you know / I wish I was a kid again." - Ahmad, 1994

"Why is it that every time I turn on the radio I hear the same five songs fifteen times a day for three months?" - Sagat, 1994

Hiphop fanatics love their member berries. Respect the legends. Respect the canon. Illmatic is untouchable, etc. The history of hiphop radio has not been kind to member berries. The answer to Sagat's question: Because many hiphop stations remain, at their worst, as notoriously shallow as any other format. NYC gets spoiled by Hot 97, as they should be. But not everywhere across the U.S. has it so easy. And before you know it, the inevitable occurs: Old man Chuck D gets angry at a cloud. Any era of popular music has its fanatics that get angrier and angrier as more and more hits arrive that pull the genre farther and farther from the way it sounded when they were 17-27 years old.

Underground rap (not backpacker rap, but actual underground street rappers) remains the one pocket of critically revered hiphop that's never strayed far from member berries. Noname, Joey Purp, Chance and the rest of their Chicago clique are the current rulers within a subgenre that avoids trap and other radio trends while still exciting the kids; the extreme warmth in "Yesterday" is one of the best examples of this.


68. Kanye West “Fade”
The spin-class jam of 2016. Or if you prefer, the pilates jam of 2016, the Planet Fitness jam of 2016, the Zumba jam of 2016, the elliptical machine jam of 2016. Or whatever this P90X-related gif is all about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxGvm6btP1A

67. Radiohead “Identikit”



66. Big Ups "Meet Where We Are"
Corporal punishment disciplinarian stares down every kid making sure their spinal cords are uncurved and uncomfortable. No one is allowed to utilize this time wisely. The detention hall is sealed. No exiting. No one can use the bathroom. Just shut the fuck up and sit up in your shitty wooden $6 desk/chair combination. A clock above the door ticks very fucking loudly. TICK!! TICK!! After an eternal 45 minutes of pressure, one poor kid in the back finally loses his shit and starts screaming bloody murder. "BLOODY MURDER!" This kid screams out the actual words. Disciplinary man approaches the station slowly as everyone else holds their breath in anticipation. This dreadful, slow approach is the crunchy part about 3 minutes into the song "Meet Where We Are," the largest departure from Big Ups' earlier capital-P "Punk" albums. Perhaps now they are "Post-Ups."


65. Surface To Air Missive "Time Being"

The big hit.


64. Kvelertak “1985”
The song's title comes from the release year of Loverboy's signature song, "A pig and an elephant DNA just won't splice." Kvelertak cares not for the laws of science, unnaturally crossing the protons and electrons of classic deathmetal with AOR riffage. The vortex should collapse onto itself, yet they're probably the most oddly seamless metal-fusion since the days of Andrew WK and The Darkness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd4pEcHy9tA

63. Young Thug "Wyclef Jean"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3x3g8BGH_io

62. YG "Still Brazy"
Young Thug's 2015 album title was changed after Lil Wayne's lawyers threatened him, but Barter 6 is actually a way better title. A year later, YG indulged the Bool, Balm and Bollective on "Still Brazy." YG knows as well as anyone else that privileged suburban kids love Urban Dictionary and Rap Genius, so there's no point in hiding the "switching C's to B's" thing. As a whole, the album and most of its beats feel largely influenced by late-era 2Pac jams like "Me Against The World," "All Eyez On Me" or "Death Around The Corner." Still Brazy's sequencing seems to tell a story with the title track acting as a "before and after" moment of sorts. The songs that follow (including "FDT" and "Police Get Away With Murder") could have been from an entirely different album as the prior 2/3's.


61. Weaves “Two Oceans”
"I want two oceans. Give me two oceans tonight." It's not like they're asking for all four oceans, and they did a favor by not asking for any of the seven continents. Just any two oceans will nicely suffice, although it would be cool if either the Pacific or Atlantic could be included. But if you can't make that happen, it's all good. They'll gladly accept the Arctic and Indian, because that's still two entire oceans; however, this does raise a problem because those are the two oceans that don't share a border. It would just be a lot more convenient if you could include either the Pacific or Atlantic. If this task seems "impossible" for whatever reason, they would also accept Frank Ocean and Billy Ocean as a consolation so that the two might collaborate on a 2017 remix of "Get Outta My Dreams (And Into My Car)." Hit me back when this happens. Thanks.


60. Palm “Shadow Expert”
During Napster days, it was a lot more common for early versions of songs to leak months before the official album version, leading to a slight demoitis outbreak among fanatics of specific bands. "Shadow Expert" is not exactly the same scenario, since the only real differences between the early VHS Sessions version, the Audiotree version and the final version from their June 2017 EP are subtle variations in fidelity. But we have to admit, we really enjoy the super-lofi January 2016 version the best (back when it was titled "I Don't Want To Know").
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYtXfY0KXKo

59. Schoolboy Q f/ Jadakiss "Groovy Tony / Eddie Kane"

Holy shit. Schoolboy Q takes breakfast really seriously.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWL755yICiQ

58. Ariana Grande “Into You”
Out of the current ubiquitous pop superstars whose discographies appear largely market-tested, Ariana is arguably the most widely beloved. No one hates her, and anyone who does is probably an especially sad shitsack of a human. God, TMZ is so pathetic: They tried to trash her good name by digging up a donut licking video that no one cared about. And that was the worst they could find. We really have nothing interesting to say here. We forgot where we were going with this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ekZEVeXwek

57. Miguel "Cadillac"

We saw one episode of The Get Down last summer, and it seemed like a fun show. But we didn't know this was a Hot Chocolate cover until 5 minutes ago. Miguel's updated chorus receives our "definitive version" tag; it deserves credit for staying looped in our heads for two entire weeks last August.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8yMwR-1vMU

56. Exploded View “Lost Illusions”

Ee-LOO-xion. Viva political revolution.


55. Goblin Cock "Your Watch"
During a lonely sweltering evening in Hell, The Dark Lord (Bill Zebub) starts getting immersed in math-rock and decides he wants to learn how to get super mathy in a way that's still totally Satanic. He becomes especially impressed with They Mean Us - the standalone 2006 LP from The Ladies - and spontaneously appears later that night in San Diego at the doorstep of Rob Crow, whom Satan has deduced as the world's finest purveyor of math-rock. Rob answers the door, and Satan's all like "dude, I wanna get way into math." Rob says, "that's cool, but I don't really have time right now. I have like kids n stuff." Satan is like "but dude, I'm Satan. I'll make it worth your while." Eventually Rob gives in half-way and says he'll do another Goblin Cock album just for Satan, who responds, "Well that's mighty kind of you my good sir." True story.


54. Sumerlands “Haunted Forever”
Sumerlands is an "Unchain The Night" type of band. They understand a hugely essential and frequently misunderstood aspect of '80s hair metal, more musically fulfilling moments of sadness that didn't necessarily reveal themselves in sappy monster ballads. It's the '80s metal that plays loudly at night while en route (always in a car, sometimes driving, sometimes as a passenger, bonus points if you're stuffed in the backseat with 1 or 2 others) to a destination and late weekend evening that might change your entire life. It also might not (and probably won't) but you never know until the journey's over and done with. Dokken's "Unchain The Night" fits, as well as Ozzy's "Shot In The Dark," Sabbath's "Children Of The Sea," Def Leppard's "Armageddon It."


53. Ty Dolla $ign “Stealing”
So what's the deal with Stealy, the interdimensional cable character from Rick & Morty? Does he have any relation to "Steely Dan III from Yokohama," the dildo from Naked Lunch whose name was borrowed by a multiplatinum jazz-rock collective? And most importantly, is he a fan of the song "Stealing" by Ty Dolla $ign? We would like to think he is, since the song is about the activity that Stealy loves the most (which would be stealing).


52. PJ Harvey “Guilty”

In a different time, "Guilty" might have been forced onto Hope Six Demolition Project's tracklist, but it's remarkably strong within a separate context. We've probably been more psyched than most people to see so much emphasis on non-album a-sides and "bonus tracks released as singles" in the 2010s while still not devaluing the importance of full length records.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P371Wvtg8zU

51. Rihanna “Love On The Brain”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZQc5WGjUJU

50. Death’s Dynamic Shroud.wmv “Do U Like Me?”
It's tough to remember what the hotties of Instagram did with their lives before Instagram. But "Do U Like Me?" could still exist outside of that context. It could refer to a straight up dude like Special Agent Dale Cooper, a friendly open-minded eccentric who does everything within his power to ignore his pant fulla bone when Audrey gets all up in his shit. But this isn't a simple story of lust and temptation. The iPhone notifications sounded gratuitously absurd until realizing they're pulling the context into present day: A loss of oneself down a sexting rabbit hole; the emotional extremes as social media feeds into FOMO-induced anxiety; the race to be the first creepy "like" or vapid compliment on a hot pic; addicting endorphin rushes and ensuing jolts of self-worth; the CEOs and upper management of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat who rely on this cycle to keep their businesses hotter than everyone else's. The song's 2nd half reflects the dark underbelly of social media in a frustratingly confusing dreamy haze of thick muck. Very Mulholland Drive. Very Twin Peaks.


49. Eric Copeland “Honorable Mentions”
Poolside chillin'.


48. Animal Collective “FloriDada”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-fPk8XYgbI

47. Grandaddy “Way We Won’t”
Are we remembering wrong, or was Grandaddy's "The Crystal Lake" included as one of two free mp3s that came with every copy of MS-Windows 2000? Google reveals no answers. Grandaddy called it quits in 2006 - six years after Bill Gates awarded them their break into the big time - but reformed in 2012. In between, a Pixar movie called WALL-E felt like an unofficial void filler: Vast, barron, post-apocalyptic, lonely, artificial intelligence, cleaning up the messes of the past, remarkably low-key for its scope, minimal. WALL-E was also around the time Jason Lytle released solo jams like "It's The Weekend" - arguably the most depressingly pensive mid-tempo major key song about the weekend of all time - and the brilliant "Your Final Setting Sun," which felt like it deserved a full band arrangement. "Way We Won't" is undeniably Grandaddy, bringing us full circle back to the enormously grand anticlimax that surrounded "The Crystal Lake" in Y2K-America.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v50LoackQM0

46. A Tribe Called Quest “Kids...”
It's an event anytime Andre 3000 contributes guest vocals to anything. His last album was in 2006, and he appears on this list at least four times. Maybe more. We lost count. The '90s was a decade when hiphop might have been viewed like a local sports team; if their home base was closer to where you live, the music meant that much more. And so to oblige with their local pride, NYC rappers rarely collaborated elsewhere. Just the same, ATL collaborated with other ATL rappers. Houston stuck with Houston. Chicago stuck with Chicago. Even Bay Area rappers rarely mixed with LA rappers. So it felt like a historical revelation hearing Andre 3000 and Q-Tip playfully trading bars on "Kids..." like they had been rehearsing for this moment for years.


45. The Shins “Dead Alive”
If you're anything like us and you loved Chutes Too Narrow but haven't enjoyed much else from The Shins ever since, you may have been in luck upon discovering "Dead Alive" last October. It's ironic (or maybe on purpose) that the song is named after a zombie movie since it sounds like they applied electro-shocks to a long dead songwriting method. It follows the same classic formula as 14 years ago, but their more modern (post-Wincing) recording style was applied too heavily. It still rules (especially the subtle free-jazz piano in the song's outro) but something about it feels like a dead Shins song that got buried in the pet sematary. What come out ain't what ya put in. Don't bury your boy in that graveyard. It's still their coolest song in years though. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the new album dropped earlier in 2017 with no other songs that were nearly as interesting as "Dead Alive." Congrats to Sub Pop (or The Shins or whoever it was) on choosing the dopest possible album preview tracks for grabbing the attention of basic jerks like us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzfQCsDTORM

44. Surface To Air Missive “Morning Thought”


43. Kanye West "Ultralight Beam"
Kanye usually gets enough star power crammed into his albums to satisfy at least one-and-a-half of those embarrassingly shitty charity singles: "Hands Across America," "Voices That Care," "Stars," "Do They Know It's Christmas," "What's Going On." There haven't been as many in the past decade, (although at least one of them - "We Are The World 25" - was crowned our worst song of 2010).

Say what you want, but Michael Jackson's contributions to "We Are The World" saved the song from sounding gross. Nothing like it had ever been, and the star power was too immense. For a certain type of music listener (and especially if you were younger than 10), "We Are The World" might have felt like the hugest song ever recorded. Michael would try again on his own with similar one-world hand-holding gestures like "Heal The World" or "Man In The Mirror."

Kanye's version of this takes up the first 6 minutes of The Life Of Pablo. "Ultralight Beam" was the "We Are The World" or "Hands Across America" that 2016 desperately needed, setting the tone for the album with a comforting gesture straight to anyone who was down to listen: Everything is completely fucked right now, but we have to stick together no matter what happens. Ride it together. One world; one love.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4bE2Oj0xYM

42. Rihanna “Sex With Me”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KpVE1fBnQs

41. Beak> “Timeshare”
Beak> debuted their newest band member in 2016 and contributed a handful of new and old jams to the Couple In A Hole soundtrack. We were unable to locate evidence of "Timeshare" appearing on a previous Beak> record, which means it's fair game for Lit Mix 2016.


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| #200 - 166 | | #165 - 131 | | #130 - 101 | | #100 -71 | | #70 - 41 | | #40 - 21 | | #20 - 1 |

| All 200 Songs |

"suicide solution"

david lee roth soundboard

lowt ide recently sampled the "runnin with the devil vox only" for their forthcoming album "Tag sale" unaware that it had become an internet meme type of thing...

so anyway the soundboard for this song was recently taken down, but we're happy to announce that it's back... if you click on a bunch of them really fast you can create a noise/experimental song out of david lee roth samples

http://geaky.com/262-David-Lee-Roth-SoundBoard.html

new fun edit:: Play this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAFqvrzoCak in the background while viewing the soundboard.. too much fun

"Close My Eyes Forever"

November '98 was when we received a big box of tapes in the mail... 7 or 8 tapes containing Ween music that we had never heard before, acquired from some crazy internet dude who was nice enough to dub all of it for us. (Today, most of these are easily available on Youtube, but at the time this was a huge deal...)

The tape labelled "Pod Sessions" was easily the most intimidating out of all of these... Both sides of a 90-minute tape are filled with unfamiliar murky lofi haze.. lots of tape hiss and generally lower songwriting quality than the songs that were chosen for The Pod. An early version of "Push Th' Little Daisies" appears at the very end...

Not long afterwards, one of our associates reported being impressed by an mp3 of "Close My Eyes Forever." We took another look, and there it was, right in the middle of Side A. Not long afterwards, we figured out this was a cover of Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford.

80's Guilt #03: Winger "Seventeen" (1989)

We don't hate musical proficiency... We just hate when it's used for evil instead of good. While we'd love to call "Seventeen" evil, there are far too many "so bad they're good" moments...

Amazing lyrics lmao

The straight-up pop-metal chorus is catchier than that credit it receives and better than anything Kiss has ever written.

As Kip Winger has pointed out, the hidden prog-metal elements are intensely complex. Youtube comments have been quick to point out that he doesn't actually play in the video, while those who know better can probably tell his bass-fills are anything but novice.

Whatever, fuck this... We just love Stewart. That's why "Seventeen" is #3.

80's Guilt #15: Dokken “In My Dreams” (1985)

One of our favorite videos ever... So many amazing slow motion shots, more than a few including simulated rainfall and hair flying all over the place... Also watch out for the bass player's genius lipsynching at 1:02, George Lynch's solo, Don Dokken's hat.. We don't wanna give away too much...

80's Guilt #47: Alice Cooper “Poison” (1989)

When Alice appeared in Wayne's World, some had only remembered him for his 70's output. However, he managed to hit the Top 10 not too long beforehand, with one of the most oddly structured hit songs we've ever heard... For example, THERE ARE FOUR KEY CHANGES IN THE CHORUS OF THIS SONG. And somehow it's still insanely catchy!? How the FUCK does this happen?!

Also, amazing video...

80's Guilt #50: Def Leppard "Armageddon It" (1988)

Between this placement and "Love Bites" appearing in our "80's Jams" list, it's safe to say that Led Leppard's Hysteria LP is a solid lock for our favorite 80's albums. With the exception of Hysteria's outstanding production, "Armageddon It" specifically stands out for 3 key elements:

#1 The verse is the part that song will probably turn off casual listeners, although those who know better will recognize this as a straight-up homage to Marc Bolan and T.Rex.

#2 That majestic-as-fuck chorus, complete with what must have been quadruple-tracked 3-part vocal harmonies.

#3 The somehow brilliantly un-awkward juxtaposition between elements #1 and #2. We hear this album as including many sonic parallels to Space Shuttle launches and space exploration; in the case of "Armageddon It," the verse is the countdown to the chorus's launch.

bobby and the budnicks

I have no other choice but to tag this as "80s metal" even though it's from 1992.. This video helps to explain why Budnick's "Salute Your Shorts" character was so into Steve Vai, which he totally namedropped in at least 5 episodes (a substantial amount since there were only about 25 episodes total.. This is a rough estimate, but in 1 out of every 5 episodes of this show it was not uncommon to hear some reference to 80's metal or Whitesnake or Steve "Stevie" Vai or GNR or etc, etc etc)

80s Jams #08: Motorhead "Ace Of Spades" (1980)

The single best expression of Motörhead's loud-fast-rules aesthetic, "Ace of Spades," also stands as one of heavy metal's all-time greatest anthems, with vocalist/bassist Lemmy Kilmister spitting fearlessly in the faces of failure and death over the visceral blast of the band's speed-freak instrumental work. While followers like Metallica would add high levels of technical flash to Motörhead's dizzying adrenaline rush, the key to "Ace of Spades" is its simplicity. -- Allmusic http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:wxfuxx8rld0e

80s Jams #14: Metallica "One" (1988)

"One" became Metallica's first Top 40 hit in early 1989, based almost entirely on the single's gold-level sales -- pop radio certainly wasn't about to play a seven-and-a-half-minute progressive thrash metal epic about an armless, legless soldier deprived of all sensory input. The various sections and components of "One" are seamlessly integrated and flow logically from one to the next, unlike some Metallica epics, which felt like series of good riffs connected without much in the way of transitions. It sums up the band's tremendous range of musical expression in one shining epic, and as such is arguably the defining individual moment of their career. "One" has the power to frighten, to disturb intelligently, to awe listeners with its sheer force; it's simply one of the greatest heavy metal songs of all time. -- http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:wxftxxtdldje

80s Jams #45: Def Leppard "Photograph" (1983)

Rougher-edged than chart-friendly, glossy rock acts like Journey and Loverboy, and preceded by noisy, hard-edged acts like Joan Jett (who had two Top Ten hits the previous year), "Photograph" not only benefited from smooth production but also the just-right pop and rock amalgam. The Marilyn Monroe homage was tightly arranged and accessible for pop fans, but had accompanying loud guitar riffs and Joe Elliott's raspy, screeching vocals for rock fans. The lyrics were simple, obsessed-fan rants of unrequited, frustrated libido. -- Allmusic http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:wxfexqudldke

80's (+3) Jams: Def Leppard "Love Bites" (1988)

Naturally, "Love Bites" had the signature big, polished Def Leppard sound, but it wasn't choked with the melodramatic sentiment of most '80s power ballads, nor the usual power ballad pose of bad boys with sensitive hearts of gold. In fact, "Love Bites" is moody and even kind of sinister, creeping along quietly until bursting into a chorus featuring lines like "love bites, love bleeds...love leaves, love dies." Actually, the darker tone was a refreshing departure, its themes of fear and unsentimentalized pain making the song seem much less calculated than the commercial sheen of the music itself would suggest. -- Allmusic http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&sql=33:kifyxcr5ldje

Hear N' Aid "Stars"

Oh.. my.. god.. I can't believe no one ever told me this existed. This is one of the most amazing things I've ever fucking seen. I'm not kidding.

Shit starts getting real around 2:30 when a "trading 8's" guitar solo marathon starts up.. and sadly it's one of the most boring guitar solos I've ever heard in my life. And then shit gets the most real around 6:12 when the snapshots close out this mighty mammoth.