One of the Tim & Eric regulars (the dude with the hair) makes an appearance here. He's rare for sure, and at one point he holds up a raw steak and says "I'm rare!"
Lil Wayne's big scene on the operating table reminds us of his unfortunate hospitalization scares back in 2012 and then again in 2016/2017. From the looks of it, surgeons were successful in removing the offending blockers, including an entire bottle of hot sauce, a giant red bong, a solid gold brick, a green gord of some sort, a tea kettle, a baby tree, some red women's underwear, a maraca, a statue of three men, a mason jar, a solid gold skateboard, the holy bible, a dollhouse, and finally a two-dollar-bill. The surgeons download a selling app not long afterwards and attempt to sell the skateboard for $9,999.99.
We wonder about BasedGod's thoughts on this one.
Showing posts with label lil wayne. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lil wayne. Show all posts
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Vid Kids 2014 #5: Young Money featuring Tyga, Nicki Minaj & Lil Wayne "Senile"
Can't believe we're only at #5 and already shouting "how the fuck is this not #1" during the last review. This might be an historic instance as probably the last video with appearances from both Birdman and Wayne. And what does it say on her tummy? Possibly "Barbie?" On that note, we might as well start handing out some awards:
- Best Huka
- Best Shake-weights
- Best Gang Colors
- The "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" award for excellence in the field of black-light manipulation
- Best Alice Cooper (wait, that might not actually be him, but close enough).
- Best Huka
- Best Shake-weights
- Best Gang Colors
- The "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" award for excellence in the field of black-light manipulation
- Best Alice Cooper (wait, that might not actually be him, but close enough).
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
"My Homies Still"
Structurally very similar (and by "very similar" we mean 99% identical) to "Dance (Ass) (Remix)" but why the fuck not... It's not like anything else is going on...
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Blogger Stats revealed: The 5 most important things ever on Taste My Kids
Huge revelations today...
As we get used to blogger/blogspot's new format, we've discovered our new favorite part of this upgrade: Blogger Stats. Thanks to this handy feature, we now understand more about trends and random Googlers finding their way to some unexpected areas of this website. And with assistance from blogger stats, the 5 most important "Taste My Kids" moments of all time have been revealed...........
#5, January 9, 2012: TMK posts a bummer video song from Pill and got more bummed about having to wait longer for the album
http://tastemykidsblog.blogspot.com/2012/01/new-post-new-music-new-clothes-new.html
Pill fans couldn't believe what they were seeing as Pill unveils the "New Clothes New Shoes" video. Things just haven't been the same ever since.
#4, February 1, 2010: We googled "Jersey Shore gifs" and posted a bunch of them
http://tastemykidsblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post.html
Apparently Taste My Kids contains one of the finest, the most fabulous and most complete collections of Jersey Shore Season 1 gifs.
#3, January 17, 2011: The Bieber-Lil Wayne hybrid thing.
http://tastemykidsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/20-worst-songs-of-2010.html
We actually got excited for a second, at the idea that maybe, just possibly, people actually thought one of our best posts ever was actually interesting or funny. But instead, google stats reveal the large amount of pageviews for "The Worst Songs of 2010" is mostly from people who wanted to see Weezey/Bieb and not because people enjoyed anything we had to say. (Also cracks are beginning to form in our archives as many of the pictures we lazily embedded have been taken down.. Also, Soundcloud changed their embed formatting recently, so both "2010's Greatest Hits" and "Hot Mix 2011" look a lot more awkward and ugly than they did a few months ago...)
#2, July 26, 2010: Chicks who want to bone Aphex Twin googled for him and got us
http://tastemykidsblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/young-beardless-non-demonic-richard-d.html
#1, December 1, 2010: We posted a picture of someone who isn't Earl Sweatshirt
http://tastemykidsblog.blogspot.com/2010/12/no-age-japandroids-earl-sweatshirt.html
3,038 pageviews from Googlers wondering where Earl disappeared to. Some of our most important work, clearly. Thanks for the support.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Hot Mix 2011: #10 to 1
"Hot Mix 2011" On Spotify
| #100 - 91 | #90 - 81 | #80 - 71 | #70 - 61 | #60 - 51 |
| #50 - 41 | #40 - 31 | #30 - 21 | #20 - 11 | #10 - 1 |
10 The Drums “Money”
The “economic climate” theme overshadows a less obvious one about separation, or a blockage from expressing affection. Obstacles get in the way, and “there’s nothing to be done.” Obstruction. #UNFAIR The Drums said “Money” was inspired by the basslines in The Wig, who they called “The poor man’s New Order.” Also, “I want to buy you something, but I don’t have any money” is our new favorite horrible pickup line since “You must work for UPS, because I swore I saw you checking out my package.”
09 Lil Wayne featuring Rick Ross “John”
More like an apocalyptic/Halloween song to us, as opposed to "Getting pumped before the big boxing match" music. "John" is a Rick Ross song (originally titled "I'm Not A Star") with vocals added by Lil Wayne, which we feel was a huge improvement from the original. We assumed a Roman-numeral appeared towards the end - “YMCMB Double M / We rich forever” - as another faux-illuminati shoutout, but turns out that it stands for "Young Money Cash Money Billionaires” and the “double M” is “Maybach Music” which is way less exciting than we'd hope for, but either way it's fun as fuck for screaming along while blasting in the car.
Also, congrats to Lil Wayne, Drake and Nicki Minaj for being the most active participants in our least favorite rap trend of the year, removing the word "like" from metaphors, which Kanye West has defended by labeling it "hashtag rap." Here are our picks for the most infuriating offenders:
"Have it your way: BURGER KING"
"Ima hang you out to dry: TOWEL RACK"
"I like to keep my drinks real cold: FREEZER"
"She wax it all off: MISTER MIYAGI"
"Here's another hit: BARRY BONDS"
"I still turn heads: POLTERGEIST" (wrong movie asshole)
"I keep her runnin' back and forth: SOCCER TEAM"
"I lay 'em down: TEMPURPEDIC"
"She's all over my skin: LOTION"
"I got her: GROCERY BAG!" (Actually this one is good because it makes no sense.)
08 Neon Indian “Hex Girlfriend”
Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space... Staring into the stars & making out forever... The Cure’s influence on Neon Indian doesn’t get enough credit as one of the main reasons his appeal has been so widespread, with “Hex Girlfriend” as probably his trippiest moment yet.
07 Ringo Deathstarr “Do It Every Time” / So High”
The droning, distortion and delay borrowed by RDS wouldn’t mean much to anyone if they didn’t have awesome songs to back up their ambitions. Normally we break ties within the top 10, but the start of this album is so strong that it’s just about impossible to break apart tracks 2 and 3, surely among the best shoegaze since Loveless. Go team Ringo.
06 The Go! Team “Buy Nothing Day”
The lost Phil Spector epic of 1964, although 60’s pop hits normally weren’t as fragmented as “Buy Nothing Day,” which goes through individual A, B, C and D sections as opposed to a verse/chorus format. (The solo section includes additional mini-hooks that don’t appear elsewhere in the song.) The singer from Best Coast was a great choice for this; although we find her boring while singing her own songs, her innocent “untrained” aura completely syncs. Mom would like this song. P.S. Adbusters article about 2011's actual Buy Nothing Day.
05 Katy Perry “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)”
We’d like to know how The Strokes and Phoenix feel about “Last Friday Night,” since this is probably the most money their sound will ever earn from a radio single. The use of “epic fail” initially hurt our eardrums, but it’s strangely morphed into our favorite timestamp of the year. (Once upon a time, Paul Simon wrote a song about feeling groovy, which probably sounded equally stupid in 1965.) Rhyming with “ginger ale” didn’t make sense at first either, but then about 6 months later it dawned on us that it’s commonly used to help with upset stomachs. #hangoverpart2 Congrats to the marketing genius who realized this had “summer jam” written all over it and put a hold on sending it to radio until May 2011, nearly a full year after Teenage Dream’s release date.
04 The Weeknd “Wicked Games”
Nasty, organic raunch... “Motherfucking” is used just often enough in the lyrics that they essentially translate to straight-up dirty sex-talk, complying with ultra-porno production. But “Wicked Games” isn’t simply throbbing boners pounding juicy vag... It’s the darkest sexual encounter of your life. The ultimate sin. In a year with an unprecedented plentiful abundance of ultra-darkness in our pop music, The Weeknd achieved the absolute blackest.
03 Yuck “Get Away”
In case anyone hasn’t noticed, we disagree with Yuck’s “90’s-retro” tag, which was invented by rock-journos and was never confirmed by the band themselves beyond their list of influences, which just happens to include Yo La Tengo and Dinosaur Jr. But we do agree with the reviewers who reacted to its youthfulness: They sound like they've just discovered that loud guitars can help mend a broken heart; throw on "Get Away", and you're back in high school, headphones on in study hall, pissed at the world, breaking pencils as you use your desk for a drum. (source) Now it all makes sense... It doesn’t “sound 90’s” nearly as much as it “sounds like high school,” but these reviewers all went to high school in the 90’s, so they can’t tell the difference. Case closed.
02 Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats “Ritual Knife”
"Rise up from black smoke / Eyes ablaze with fire." Official “Best band / Worst bandname” combination of 2011... Blending all the loudest and best elements from “Helter Skelter,” the self-titled Black Sabbath album, Abbey Road and Hendrix should have been a more obvious combination by now, except “Ritual Knife” is a case where someone finally figured out how to do it correctly. Enough of these angry old people sitting around pissed off because “nobody knows how to rock anymore.” These people need to experience psychedelic-doom. We’re very interested in J Mascis, Lou Barlow and Murph’s opinions on Uncle Acid.
01 Jay-Z & Kanye West “N***** in Paris”
We’ve had a year to digest My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and it still sounds labored, containing great songs that mostly suffered due to bloated song-lengths and over-production. Nearly every track contained “intro” and “outro” sections, with layers that built upon each other as the songs progressed, falling in line with the most heralded LP’s of the past five years: it “sounds good,” but it’s just not fun. Ultimately, it’s the only Kanye LP that we have no desire to ever actually listen to.
And we’re probably among the minority (the 1%?) by stating with pride that Watch The Throne is a huge improvement, but facts are facts: Hiphop is always best when it’s spontaneous, playful, and raw. And it’s not like Kanye had to sacrifice brilliant production in order to put together a spontaneous-sounding LP. The complexities are still intact, but far more subtle, and thus, easier for everyone to appreciate, as opposed to removing all subtlety and shoving the complexities in everyone’s faces. “Because I am a genius, I have ascertained that fish have gills!”
This is why “N**** In Paris” is still getting played on rap stations every 30 minutes or so, and it still sounds amazing every fucking time. The masses have spoken. We’re having trouble remembering any verses from MBDTF, while “Paris” is probably the first single since “It Was A Good Day” that a shit-ton of people entirely memorized without trying. Not every line is classic, but about 89% of them are. Jay-Z’s verse is probably his best since “Roc Boys,” while Kanye’s is shockingly the better of the two. #CRAY #GoinGorillaz #SufferinFromRealness #FishFilet #DrugsMyDilla #MaryKateAndAshley Fuck, this might actually be his best verse, period. The production matches the tightness of the lyrics, including the slow backwards-piano chord that comes out of nowhere a few seconds before the enormous slow-dubstep coda. And of course the Will Ferrell samples included to justify the entire world of “brilliantly dumb hiphop lyrics” in less than 5 seconds, including “that shit cray.” It gets the people goin’...
| #100 - 91 | #90 - 81 | #80 - 71 | #70 - 61 | #60 - 51 |
| #50 - 41 | #40 - 31 | #30 - 21 | #20 - 11 | #10 - 1 |
| #100 - 91 | #90 - 81 | #80 - 71 | #70 - 61 | #60 - 51 |
| #50 - 41 | #40 - 31 | #30 - 21 | #20 - 11 | #10 - 1 |
10 The Drums “Money”
The “economic climate” theme overshadows a less obvious one about separation, or a blockage from expressing affection. Obstacles get in the way, and “there’s nothing to be done.” Obstruction. #UNFAIR The Drums said “Money” was inspired by the basslines in The Wig, who they called “The poor man’s New Order.” Also, “I want to buy you something, but I don’t have any money” is our new favorite horrible pickup line since “You must work for UPS, because I swore I saw you checking out my package.”09 Lil Wayne featuring Rick Ross “John”
More like an apocalyptic/Halloween song to us, as opposed to "Getting pumped before the big boxing match" music. "John" is a Rick Ross song (originally titled "I'm Not A Star") with vocals added by Lil Wayne, which we feel was a huge improvement from the original. We assumed a Roman-numeral appeared towards the end - “YMCMB Double M / We rich forever” - as another faux-illuminati shoutout, but turns out that it stands for "Young Money Cash Money Billionaires” and the “double M” is “Maybach Music” which is way less exciting than we'd hope for, but either way it's fun as fuck for screaming along while blasting in the car.Also, congrats to Lil Wayne, Drake and Nicki Minaj for being the most active participants in our least favorite rap trend of the year, removing the word "like" from metaphors, which Kanye West has defended by labeling it "hashtag rap." Here are our picks for the most infuriating offenders:
08 Neon Indian “Hex Girlfriend”
Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in space... Staring into the stars & making out forever... The Cure’s influence on Neon Indian doesn’t get enough credit as one of the main reasons his appeal has been so widespread, with “Hex Girlfriend” as probably his trippiest moment yet.07 Ringo Deathstarr “Do It Every Time” / So High”
The droning, distortion and delay borrowed by RDS wouldn’t mean much to anyone if they didn’t have awesome songs to back up their ambitions. Normally we break ties within the top 10, but the start of this album is so strong that it’s just about impossible to break apart tracks 2 and 3, surely among the best shoegaze since Loveless. Go team Ringo.06 The Go! Team “Buy Nothing Day”
The lost Phil Spector epic of 1964, although 60’s pop hits normally weren’t as fragmented as “Buy Nothing Day,” which goes through individual A, B, C and D sections as opposed to a verse/chorus format. (The solo section includes additional mini-hooks that don’t appear elsewhere in the song.) The singer from Best Coast was a great choice for this; although we find her boring while singing her own songs, her innocent “untrained” aura completely syncs. Mom would like this song. P.S. Adbusters article about 2011's actual Buy Nothing Day.05 Katy Perry “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)”
We’d like to know how The Strokes and Phoenix feel about “Last Friday Night,” since this is probably the most money their sound will ever earn from a radio single. The use of “epic fail” initially hurt our eardrums, but it’s strangely morphed into our favorite timestamp of the year. (Once upon a time, Paul Simon wrote a song about feeling groovy, which probably sounded equally stupid in 1965.) Rhyming with “ginger ale” didn’t make sense at first either, but then about 6 months later it dawned on us that it’s commonly used to help with upset stomachs. #hangoverpart2 Congrats to the marketing genius who realized this had “summer jam” written all over it and put a hold on sending it to radio until May 2011, nearly a full year after Teenage Dream’s release date.
04 The Weeknd “Wicked Games”
Nasty, organic raunch... “Motherfucking” is used just often enough in the lyrics that they essentially translate to straight-up dirty sex-talk, complying with ultra-porno production. But “Wicked Games” isn’t simply throbbing boners pounding juicy vag... It’s the darkest sexual encounter of your life. The ultimate sin. In a year with an unprecedented plentiful abundance of ultra-darkness in our pop music, The Weeknd achieved the absolute blackest.03 Yuck “Get Away”
In case anyone hasn’t noticed, we disagree with Yuck’s “90’s-retro” tag, which was invented by rock-journos and was never confirmed by the band themselves beyond their list of influences, which just happens to include Yo La Tengo and Dinosaur Jr. But we do agree with the reviewers who reacted to its youthfulness: They sound like they've just discovered that loud guitars can help mend a broken heart; throw on "Get Away", and you're back in high school, headphones on in study hall, pissed at the world, breaking pencils as you use your desk for a drum. (source) Now it all makes sense... It doesn’t “sound 90’s” nearly as much as it “sounds like high school,” but these reviewers all went to high school in the 90’s, so they can’t tell the difference. Case closed.02 Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats “Ritual Knife”
"Rise up from black smoke / Eyes ablaze with fire." Official “Best band / Worst bandname” combination of 2011... Blending all the loudest and best elements from “Helter Skelter,” the self-titled Black Sabbath album, Abbey Road and Hendrix should have been a more obvious combination by now, except “Ritual Knife” is a case where someone finally figured out how to do it correctly. Enough of these angry old people sitting around pissed off because “nobody knows how to rock anymore.” These people need to experience psychedelic-doom. We’re very interested in J Mascis, Lou Barlow and Murph’s opinions on Uncle Acid. 01 Jay-Z & Kanye West “N***** in Paris”
We’ve had a year to digest My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and it still sounds labored, containing great songs that mostly suffered due to bloated song-lengths and over-production. Nearly every track contained “intro” and “outro” sections, with layers that built upon each other as the songs progressed, falling in line with the most heralded LP’s of the past five years: it “sounds good,” but it’s just not fun. Ultimately, it’s the only Kanye LP that we have no desire to ever actually listen to.And we’re probably among the minority (the 1%?) by stating with pride that Watch The Throne is a huge improvement, but facts are facts: Hiphop is always best when it’s spontaneous, playful, and raw. And it’s not like Kanye had to sacrifice brilliant production in order to put together a spontaneous-sounding LP. The complexities are still intact, but far more subtle, and thus, easier for everyone to appreciate, as opposed to removing all subtlety and shoving the complexities in everyone’s faces. “Because I am a genius, I have ascertained that fish have gills!”This is why “N**** In Paris” is still getting played on rap stations every 30 minutes or so, and it still sounds amazing every fucking time. The masses have spoken. We’re having trouble remembering any verses from MBDTF, while “Paris” is probably the first single since “It Was A Good Day” that a shit-ton of people entirely memorized without trying. Not every line is classic, but about 89% of them are. Jay-Z’s verse is probably his best since “Roc Boys,” while Kanye’s is shockingly the better of the two. #CRAY #GoinGorillaz #SufferinFromRealness #FishFilet #DrugsMyDilla #MaryKateAndAshley Fuck, this might actually be his best verse, period. The production matches the tightness of the lyrics, including the slow backwards-piano chord that comes out of nowhere a few seconds before the enormous slow-dubstep coda. And of course the Will Ferrell samples included to justify the entire world of “brilliantly dumb hiphop lyrics” in less than 5 seconds, including “that shit cray.” It gets the people goin’...| #100 - 91 | #90 - 81 | #80 - 71 | #70 - 61 | #60 - 51 |
| #50 - 41 | #40 - 31 | #30 - 21 | #20 - 11 | #10 - 1 |
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sick Vids Brah 2011 #04: Lil Wanye featuring Rick Ross "John"
Here's one of our associate's description of "John" from over the summer:
"One of the girls in the new Lil Wayne video has a spatula."
"He talks about pissing in his own ass."
"Rick Ross sits in a wheelchair in front of buckets of toxic waste."
"Things are just falling off the roof and shit."
"And then Lil Wayne says You fuckin with a nigga who dont give a fuck."
This got us interested, and we were amazed at the amount of tires that were included in the set design. So all of this should be an adequate reason to include this at #4.
This got us interested, and we were amazed at the amount of tires that were included in the set design. So all of this should be an adequate reason to include this at #4.
Monday, January 17, 2011
20 Worst Songs Of 2010
There's a few really really horrible songs from this year that I totally hated but whose names I cannot recall... whatever. let's do this...
The song titles are youtube links...
20. Owl City “Fireflies”
Yo, fuck this dude. "Fireflies" somehow elluded our writers as among the worst of 2009, but it's been determined that this is worse than "My Humps" or anything by Nickelback... It's arguably the worst song of the entire 2000 to 2009 decade. This is currently up for debate. What we do know at this time: A few songs on last year's worst-of list eventually ended up actually growing in the lulz category.. and lulz still count for something. For example, every song by Ke$ha... or like BrokeNCyde for example... If a song is hilarious, even if it's terrible, it contains merit. "Fireflies" has no humor whatsoever. Only annoyance. It probably should have been last year's #1 (although we still stand by "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" as our choice overall...)
19. Angelina Pivarnick “I’m Hot”
The bitch is back! Watch out guys! You thought you could get rid of her, but she's still here! Or that's probably what she thought would happen by trying to go viral with this guido-humor meta-tongue-in-cheek whatever it's supposed to be...
18. Kid Rock “Born Free”
The vocals are the real deal breaker here, which is a shame since this is hardly Bob's worst song... But Jesus... I have a feeling this dude's singing on full blast could shatter all the ice on my driveway. In fact, I might try that later.
17. Enrique Iglesias feat. Ludacris “Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”
Excellent subtlety. You win Enrique.
16. Santana feat. Scott Stapp “Fortunate Son”
Santana's guitar style hasn't changed in 40 years, so that's hardly anything cringeworthy that we haven't heard before. For all intents, "Fortunate Son" sounds exactly the same as everything on that huge record from late '99 which was probably Clive Davis produced if I had to take a guess without referring to wikipedia... However the immortal Stapp does what Rob Thomas never could, taking that bull by the horns and riding it into that certain area of the stratosphere just above the garbage dumps of New Jersey. Halfway through this banger, Stapp starts doing some "funky vocal improvisation" which really gives the track that extra zing. Santana ended up cutting this from the final tracklisting and included "Fortuante Son" as a bonus track/download only type of thing. Stapp got bummed about this and he called up Santana crying, "Why Santana?? Why'd ya do it, huh??" There was no one on the other end because Stapp was too drunk to dial the phone. Poor Stapp.
15. Bruno Mars “Just The Way You Are”
I kinda feel bad making fun of Bruno Mars because he's probably just a normal dude with a lame hat that his record company forced him to wear so that he doesn't look quite so ordinary. The drums are the only slightly sorta passable element of this song... Everything else is just annoyingly contrived and calculated.. The chick in this video is super hot, which is somehow also annoying due to the shittiness of the song. Sorry Bruno Mars. Put out some good music and then you won't end up in the worst-of list anymore. Simple enough.
14. Orianthi “According To You”
A few weeks after Michael Jackson died, I recall CNN's Wolf Blitzer presenting The Situation Room with "Breaking News" regarding a tape from the last rehearsal session for Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour. They showed the clip probably 15 times over the next 3 hours. The clip ended up being used in the movie, and Orianthi was the blonde chick playing guitar who kinda stood out amongst everyone else (besides MJ obviously). It was only a matter of time before she was given a recording contract to release a bunch of "Since You Been Gone" ripoffs. "According to you, I'm ugly. But according to me, I'm attractive. But according to her, I'm happy. But according to him, I'm sad. But according to Mom, I'm good. But according to Dad, I'm bad."
13. Jackyl “Just Like A Negro”
Apparently Jackyl are friends with members of the band Mother's Finest, a rock group of funky black dudes who originally recorded this in the 70's. But since nobody knows this is a cover, Jackyl ends up looking racist as shit. To be honest, this song isn't completely vile, but is mostly here based on principle. I mean, honestly... Who do they think they're kidding?
12. Lil Wayne feat. Nicki Minaj “Knockout”
Lil Wayne picked up a guitar and the 1st four chords he learned just happened to be the same four chords in Avril Lavigne's "Sk8erboi." Nicky Minaj just happened to be hanging out in the studio down the hallway. They made up a shitty uninspired chorus on the spot, and a future classic is born. Apparently that's all it takes...
11. Big Time Rush “Halfway There”
More boy-band shit... House music's recent huge influence on the Top 40 has resulted in boy bands sounding more gay-friendly than ever. Lou Pearlman is now watching this video from prison planning his escape Shawshank style, digging with a spoon and chanting to himself, "I must pound that ass." He's motivated. I'll bet this happens in 2011. EDIT: Apparently they have their own TV show on Nickelodeon like The Monkees. I swear I'm not that out of touch.. Back in like 1986, Nick used to show The Monkees every afternoon. Now they show Big Time Rush. I'm not that old. I swear to gald.
10. The Ready Set “Love Like Woe”
I don't care if I'm dating myself. It happens. So yeah, the story goes like this: As a 5th grader back in 1990, it was cool for boys to hate New Kids On The Block, calling them "gay" or whatever.. We were little kids. It was 1990 and we didn't know any better. It just made sense, even though I secretly had a "greatest hits" mixtape that I enjoyed, comprised of their singles which I copied from the girls who lived next door who owned every NKOTB album. I would imagine the same situation is applying these days regarding Justin Bieber's relation to straight 12-year-old dudes who simply appreciate decent pop music. In a perfect world, "fight the real enemy" concepts apply. Why hate on Bieber when The Ready Set is obviously just so fucking appallingly worse?
9. Train “Hey Soul Sister”
After these results had been compiled, the Village Voice's list was noted as placing this song as the #1 worst song of 2010. Well, they were close. Oh by the way THERES AN ENTIRE BLOG DEDICATED TO HOW BAD THIS SONG IS.
8. Nickelback “This Afternoon”
I love muh country. I love muh guns. This was Nickelback's 9th Top 40 hit. My word, there's a lot of lovely ladies in this video, who strangely enough have a combined IQ of 10, which actually beats the number of singles that Nickelback's had in the Top 40 by 1 whole point. Congrats to the ladies. Don't forget to vote Palin in 2012.
7. Bo Burnham “Words Words Words”
This song didn't do too well chart-wise, which is a huge blessing since this dude was clearly trying to cash-in on the Owl City thing. In the odd case that it became a trend, we'd be in some BIG fucking trouble, people.
6. Timbaland feat. Katy Perry “If We Ever Meet Again”
This is the video where Timbaland can't keep his hand away from his chin, which was actually due to super glue getting stuck there, so it wasn't really his fault. As of 2011, I'd like to think most of the world's pop listening audience has come to accept auto-tune as a musical instrument in itself. Outstanding singles such as Daft Punk's "Digital Love" have effectively saved it from being forever associated with Cher, after people figured out the correct ways to use it. "If We Ever Meet Again" is a perfect example of how NOT to use auto-tune, as Timbaland does not seem to have the slightest clue what he's doing, turning a sloppily written verse into an even worse one, and setting us up for an outstandingly annoying chorus. The guest vocalist part is bland enough that it really could have been anyone at all, but ultimately Katy Perry was clearly chosen for the sole purpose of puttin' them big ol' titties in the video. Unfortunately, this is the same guy who produced such brilliance as "One In A Million" and "Pony." How the mighty have fallen...
5. Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars “Billionaire”
Good commentary on our nation's economic climate. For anyone who's reading along, it's probably obvious that I'm writing this while watching the videos.. I'm finding it amusing that Bruno Mars is lipsynching while making facial expression with his eyes closed and slightly nodding along to the music, which is normally expressed when a singer is really feeling the music deep down. I find this strange since "Billionaire" really contains no depth or soul whatsoever. Kids who are younger than 13 have an excuse.. Once upon a time I enjoyed that "I Wanna Be Rich" song even though it's (almost) equally abysmal.
4. Blood On The Dance Floor “Ima Monster”
Obviously targeting bi-curious teens who just saw Party Monster for the first time within the past year. If you don't think the chorus of this song is vomit, just give up on listening to music. Thanks to "Ima Monster," I'm starting to think Ke$ha's a genius. That's all I have for this one... Bland nothingness. Hardly merits a review.
3. Kid CuDi feat. Kanye West “Erase Me”
Each individual "sung" lyric is so off-key and sharp that it’s nearly equivalent to being stabbed in the eardrum. Method Man and Raekwon might as well add another torture method to their list... "I'll fuckin.. I'll fuckin.. Stab your eardrums with 'Erase Me' cranked all the way up. BLAAAA!!" If anyone would like to join, I’m considering contacting lawyers for a class-action lawsuit against Kid CuDi for assault of the ear. Honestly, Kanye’s verse in this isn’t even that great, but compared to the rest, it’s like having one’s head temporarily pulled out of the toilet for a few seconds of oxygen, only to have Kid CuDi’s voice push it back under for another 20 seconds right afterwards. This is what pain sounds like.
2. She & Him “In The Sun”
Wikipedia reveals that Zooey D descends from a well-known Hollywood family. Wow, you’re kidding? You mean she didn’t have to go through any kind of formal acting school or voice training to get where she is today? You’d never know it from listening to “In The Sun” which, based on her Kermit-The-Frog-esq vocal stylings, may or may not have been a tribute to 6th grade talent shows. Her voice also initially reminded me of a non-muppet as well, although it was hard to place until several months later, when I realized it was the giant-prosthetic-cheeks lady from Eraserhead who sings "In Heaven, Everything Is Fine." A side-by-side comparison might be necessary...
1. Artists For Haiti “We Are The World 25”
"We Are The World" was written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie over the course of something like 45 minutes... It's not an especially incredible song.. In fact, it's kinda lame and mediocre overall. But if there is any single aspect that made USA For Africa special, it was absolutely the performances. Kenny Rogers, Huey Lewis, Cyndi Lauper and Hall & Oates may not be big names in the charts these days, but their singing voices are still hugely recognizable, not to mention Dylan, Bruce, MJ, Stevie Wonder, Steve Perry, Tina Turner & Ray Charles... Everyone who even sorta knows pop music knows these voices. In the extreme opposite direction, Artists For Haiti succeeded in showing how great these original performances actually were, as the majority of the singers on the 2010 version sounds like the exact same voice, the exceptions being phoned-in awkwardness from the likes of Tony Bennett and Barbara Streisand among others.. Jamie Foxx does a Ray Charles impression for no apparent reason. Wyclef starts screaming out of nowhere. The autotune simply does not fit the song... There's no place for guitar solos in this without it sounding out of place. And when you think it can't get worse, here comes the banger outro rap unison section, featuring a who's who of the best rappers of 1996. Seven minutes of non-stop cringeworthy awkward moments, one after another.. That's really the best way to describe this shitpile.. Contributing to good causes through bad songs should really be illegal.
The song titles are youtube links...
20. Owl City “Fireflies”
Yo, fuck this dude. "Fireflies" somehow elluded our writers as among the worst of 2009, but it's been determined that this is worse than "My Humps" or anything by Nickelback... It's arguably the worst song of the entire 2000 to 2009 decade. This is currently up for debate. What we do know at this time: A few songs on last year's worst-of list eventually ended up actually growing in the lulz category.. and lulz still count for something. For example, every song by Ke$ha... or like BrokeNCyde for example... If a song is hilarious, even if it's terrible, it contains merit. "Fireflies" has no humor whatsoever. Only annoyance. It probably should have been last year's #1 (although we still stand by "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" as our choice overall...)19. Angelina Pivarnick “I’m Hot”
The bitch is back! Watch out guys! You thought you could get rid of her, but she's still here! Or that's probably what she thought would happen by trying to go viral with this guido-humor meta-tongue-in-cheek whatever it's supposed to be...
18. Kid Rock “Born Free”
The vocals are the real deal breaker here, which is a shame since this is hardly Bob's worst song... But Jesus... I have a feeling this dude's singing on full blast could shatter all the ice on my driveway. In fact, I might try that later.
17. Enrique Iglesias feat. Ludacris “Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”
Excellent subtlety. You win Enrique.
16. Santana feat. Scott Stapp “Fortunate Son”
Santana's guitar style hasn't changed in 40 years, so that's hardly anything cringeworthy that we haven't heard before. For all intents, "Fortunate Son" sounds exactly the same as everything on that huge record from late '99 which was probably Clive Davis produced if I had to take a guess without referring to wikipedia... However the immortal Stapp does what Rob Thomas never could, taking that bull by the horns and riding it into that certain area of the stratosphere just above the garbage dumps of New Jersey. Halfway through this banger, Stapp starts doing some "funky vocal improvisation" which really gives the track that extra zing. Santana ended up cutting this from the final tracklisting and included "Fortuante Son" as a bonus track/download only type of thing. Stapp got bummed about this and he called up Santana crying, "Why Santana?? Why'd ya do it, huh??" There was no one on the other end because Stapp was too drunk to dial the phone. Poor Stapp.15. Bruno Mars “Just The Way You Are”
I kinda feel bad making fun of Bruno Mars because he's probably just a normal dude with a lame hat that his record company forced him to wear so that he doesn't look quite so ordinary. The drums are the only slightly sorta passable element of this song... Everything else is just annoyingly contrived and calculated.. The chick in this video is super hot, which is somehow also annoying due to the shittiness of the song. Sorry Bruno Mars. Put out some good music and then you won't end up in the worst-of list anymore. Simple enough.
14. Orianthi “According To You”
A few weeks after Michael Jackson died, I recall CNN's Wolf Blitzer presenting The Situation Room with "Breaking News" regarding a tape from the last rehearsal session for Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour. They showed the clip probably 15 times over the next 3 hours. The clip ended up being used in the movie, and Orianthi was the blonde chick playing guitar who kinda stood out amongst everyone else (besides MJ obviously). It was only a matter of time before she was given a recording contract to release a bunch of "Since You Been Gone" ripoffs. "According to you, I'm ugly. But according to me, I'm attractive. But according to her, I'm happy. But according to him, I'm sad. But according to Mom, I'm good. But according to Dad, I'm bad."13. Jackyl “Just Like A Negro”
Apparently Jackyl are friends with members of the band Mother's Finest, a rock group of funky black dudes who originally recorded this in the 70's. But since nobody knows this is a cover, Jackyl ends up looking racist as shit. To be honest, this song isn't completely vile, but is mostly here based on principle. I mean, honestly... Who do they think they're kidding?
12. Lil Wayne feat. Nicki Minaj “Knockout”
Lil Wayne picked up a guitar and the 1st four chords he learned just happened to be the same four chords in Avril Lavigne's "Sk8erboi." Nicky Minaj just happened to be hanging out in the studio down the hallway. They made up a shitty uninspired chorus on the spot, and a future classic is born. Apparently that's all it takes...
11. Big Time Rush “Halfway There”
More boy-band shit... House music's recent huge influence on the Top 40 has resulted in boy bands sounding more gay-friendly than ever. Lou Pearlman is now watching this video from prison planning his escape Shawshank style, digging with a spoon and chanting to himself, "I must pound that ass." He's motivated. I'll bet this happens in 2011. EDIT: Apparently they have their own TV show on Nickelodeon like The Monkees. I swear I'm not that out of touch.. Back in like 1986, Nick used to show The Monkees every afternoon. Now they show Big Time Rush. I'm not that old. I swear to gald.
10. The Ready Set “Love Like Woe”
I don't care if I'm dating myself. It happens. So yeah, the story goes like this: As a 5th grader back in 1990, it was cool for boys to hate New Kids On The Block, calling them "gay" or whatever.. We were little kids. It was 1990 and we didn't know any better. It just made sense, even though I secretly had a "greatest hits" mixtape that I enjoyed, comprised of their singles which I copied from the girls who lived next door who owned every NKOTB album. I would imagine the same situation is applying these days regarding Justin Bieber's relation to straight 12-year-old dudes who simply appreciate decent pop music. In a perfect world, "fight the real enemy" concepts apply. Why hate on Bieber when The Ready Set is obviously just so fucking appallingly worse? 9. Train “Hey Soul Sister”
After these results had been compiled, the Village Voice's list was noted as placing this song as the #1 worst song of 2010. Well, they were close. Oh by the way THERES AN ENTIRE BLOG DEDICATED TO HOW BAD THIS SONG IS.
8. Nickelback “This Afternoon”
I love muh country. I love muh guns. This was Nickelback's 9th Top 40 hit. My word, there's a lot of lovely ladies in this video, who strangely enough have a combined IQ of 10, which actually beats the number of singles that Nickelback's had in the Top 40 by 1 whole point. Congrats to the ladies. Don't forget to vote Palin in 2012.
7. Bo Burnham “Words Words Words”
This song didn't do too well chart-wise, which is a huge blessing since this dude was clearly trying to cash-in on the Owl City thing. In the odd case that it became a trend, we'd be in some BIG fucking trouble, people.
6. Timbaland feat. Katy Perry “If We Ever Meet Again”
This is the video where Timbaland can't keep his hand away from his chin, which was actually due to super glue getting stuck there, so it wasn't really his fault. As of 2011, I'd like to think most of the world's pop listening audience has come to accept auto-tune as a musical instrument in itself. Outstanding singles such as Daft Punk's "Digital Love" have effectively saved it from being forever associated with Cher, after people figured out the correct ways to use it. "If We Ever Meet Again" is a perfect example of how NOT to use auto-tune, as Timbaland does not seem to have the slightest clue what he's doing, turning a sloppily written verse into an even worse one, and setting us up for an outstandingly annoying chorus. The guest vocalist part is bland enough that it really could have been anyone at all, but ultimately Katy Perry was clearly chosen for the sole purpose of puttin' them big ol' titties in the video. Unfortunately, this is the same guy who produced such brilliance as "One In A Million" and "Pony." How the mighty have fallen... 5. Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars “Billionaire”
Good commentary on our nation's economic climate. For anyone who's reading along, it's probably obvious that I'm writing this while watching the videos.. I'm finding it amusing that Bruno Mars is lipsynching while making facial expression with his eyes closed and slightly nodding along to the music, which is normally expressed when a singer is really feeling the music deep down. I find this strange since "Billionaire" really contains no depth or soul whatsoever. Kids who are younger than 13 have an excuse.. Once upon a time I enjoyed that "I Wanna Be Rich" song even though it's (almost) equally abysmal. 4. Blood On The Dance Floor “Ima Monster”
Obviously targeting bi-curious teens who just saw Party Monster for the first time within the past year. If you don't think the chorus of this song is vomit, just give up on listening to music. Thanks to "Ima Monster," I'm starting to think Ke$ha's a genius. That's all I have for this one... Bland nothingness. Hardly merits a review.
3. Kid CuDi feat. Kanye West “Erase Me”
Each individual "sung" lyric is so off-key and sharp that it’s nearly equivalent to being stabbed in the eardrum. Method Man and Raekwon might as well add another torture method to their list... "I'll fuckin.. I'll fuckin.. Stab your eardrums with 'Erase Me' cranked all the way up. BLAAAA!!" If anyone would like to join, I’m considering contacting lawyers for a class-action lawsuit against Kid CuDi for assault of the ear. Honestly, Kanye’s verse in this isn’t even that great, but compared to the rest, it’s like having one’s head temporarily pulled out of the toilet for a few seconds of oxygen, only to have Kid CuDi’s voice push it back under for another 20 seconds right afterwards. This is what pain sounds like.
2. She & Him “In The Sun”
Wikipedia reveals that Zooey D descends from a well-known Hollywood family. Wow, you’re kidding? You mean she didn’t have to go through any kind of formal acting school or voice training to get where she is today? You’d never know it from listening to “In The Sun” which, based on her Kermit-The-Frog-esq vocal stylings, may or may not have been a tribute to 6th grade talent shows. Her voice also initially reminded me of a non-muppet as well, although it was hard to place until several months later, when I realized it was the giant-prosthetic-cheeks lady from Eraserhead who sings "In Heaven, Everything Is Fine." A side-by-side comparison might be necessary...1. Artists For Haiti “We Are The World 25”
"We Are The World" was written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie over the course of something like 45 minutes... It's not an especially incredible song.. In fact, it's kinda lame and mediocre overall. But if there is any single aspect that made USA For Africa special, it was absolutely the performances. Kenny Rogers, Huey Lewis, Cyndi Lauper and Hall & Oates may not be big names in the charts these days, but their singing voices are still hugely recognizable, not to mention Dylan, Bruce, MJ, Stevie Wonder, Steve Perry, Tina Turner & Ray Charles... Everyone who even sorta knows pop music knows these voices. In the extreme opposite direction, Artists For Haiti succeeded in showing how great these original performances actually were, as the majority of the singers on the 2010 version sounds like the exact same voice, the exceptions being phoned-in awkwardness from the likes of Tony Bennett and Barbara Streisand among others.. Jamie Foxx does a Ray Charles impression for no apparent reason. Wyclef starts screaming out of nowhere. The autotune simply does not fit the song... There's no place for guitar solos in this without it sounding out of place. And when you think it can't get worse, here comes the banger outro rap unison section, featuring a who's who of the best rappers of 1996. Seven minutes of non-stop cringeworthy awkward moments, one after another.. That's really the best way to describe this shitpile.. Contributing to good causes through bad songs should really be illegal.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
HEY, NICE VIDS 2010: #9 Erykah Badu feat. Lil Wayne "Jump Up In The Air And Stay There"
More drugs. This was already posted once several months ago. As the intro explains, it's "A Story By Erykah Badu," and what a storyteller that Badu, lemme tell you what... I forget whether it's supposed to be people who are too smart or too dumb who can't be hypnotized. Just use caution when watching this.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
so i've decided that drake is a genius
Just kidding..
But Kanye's production on "Find Your Love" has been totally making my brain jog around to try and locate a song from the early to mid 80's that has very similar production elements.. I'm kind of determined to figure out what song it is. Here's the Drake song.. In case you haven't heard, it's on the radio A LOT...
My best guess at the moment is this Hall & Oates relic...
And P.S. regarding the Drake video, it's about time they showed pop stars smoking cigs in videos.. Youtube made it possible. Yay carbon monoxide!! More forward thinking than Lil Wayne?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
NEW NEWS: Weezer & Weezy = Together At Last
RE: http://pitchfork.com/news/36636-lil-wayne-raps-on-new-weezer-album/
Something about starting this new blog all fresh only a month ago.. I feel as though I almost need to re-introduce myself to anyone who may actually stumble across this dump at some point.. On the old Taste My Kids, one topic that was discussed at great lengths was the second coming of Weezer, which eventually grew into discussion regarding how insane their career has gotten ever since the turn of the decade.
I've always loved their first 5 singles ever since their initial release in the 90's. I have vivid memories of my first time hearing "Undone - The Sweater Song" played on New Haven's KC101 (a top 40 station which likely was also spinning Boyz II Men at some point that afternoon) while my dad was driving me home on a Sunday afternoon in August 1994. I immediately recognized it as something new, different and fucking awesome. However, I had this weird brain malfunction at the time which caused me to be unsure about purchasing new music on CD (plus the fact that I was 14 and had no money), so I didn't end up buying The Blue Album until September 1998 during my first semester at college. Much later, I was brainfucked after my first listen through Pinkerton which I copied from one of my college roommates and kept in my car's tapedeck for the majority of March 1999.
Discovering Radiohead, Ween and Weezer, and re-discovering Nirvana around the same time, all within a 2-year period (97-99), at that age, was a musical rush I will likely never be able to experience a second time. I loved a thousand other bands around that time also, but these are the bands whose 90's output I grew to learn backwards.
So, it's needless to go further about it.. Weezer was very important to me. And their numerous WTF moments between The Green Album and Raditude have bewildered me to the point where I can't help but have so much to say about it.
For example, why the FUCK is Lil Wayne appearing on Weezer's new album?
"No matter what you think about Weezer in 2009, you have to admit: their new album, Raditude, has piqued your curiosity."
Actually, no. Not this time. I've been tricked by Weezer too many times to fall for this again.. I may as well just repeat what I had to say in the review of Weezer's Red Album single "Troublemaker" that appeared at #6 on the "Guilty pleasure singles of 2008" .. I always get pumped for every new Weezer album because there's always that thought in my head that thinks Rivers might be able to tap back into his old quirky methods of songcraft. And then you actually listen to the album and you get "We Are All On Drugs" or "Glorious Day." It's not worth psyching yourself into. Weezer is done. They are essentially Green Day, in that they are now a completely different band. There's no use in praying that Matt Sharp or the Moog synths will be returning. We're best off just putting our own bands together and trying to sound like old school Weezer. In fact, I might just do that right now.
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