Sunday, August 28, 2011

happy hurricane day

We did it guys. we gone viral.

Sarah Jessica Parker is joining thousands of East Coasters who are "battening down the hatches" as Hurricane Irene approaches. Parker, 46, told reporters that she has water, flashlights and batteries. The "I Don't Know How She Does It" star is also "removing anything that could fly through windows," the AP reports.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Elliott on mtv

jeez... Is Carson Daly still this bad at interviewing?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

What melody did NIN accidentally steal from D.Bowie?

It's mentioned at 2:06 in this vid, but I still can't figure out which two songs they're speaking about...

EDIT: Okay, it's "A Warm Place" and "Crystal Japan." Ambient awesomeness:

20-year-anniversary of 1991

There's no point in linking to this but Pitchfork posted a news story about yet another 20-year-anniversary for Nevermind, this time in the form of a concert with Chris Novoselic and friends playing the entire album. First of all, who cares... Second of all, this big cash-in celebration is really getting out of hand... and Third, and most importantly, Nevermind didn't even have the greatest release date of 1991...

The hugest release date in 1991 was November 4th... We didn't realize this until a week or two ago, but Creation Records released both Loveless and Bandwagonesque ON THE SAME DAY. TAKE THAT NEVERMIND.

Eraserhead claymation thing

Searching for more excuses to use the "david lynch" tag.

WFMU's Twitter

There is no point in trying to pretend this is a cool website anymore because we will never be as cool as WFMU's twitter.!/WFMU

40 Guilty Pleasure Jams 2000-2009 (the big list)

We're hoping that anyone who used to frequent this page didn't choose any point over the past 4 days to ask themselves "hey I wonder what taste my kids has been up to" and so they visit here for the first time in a couple years, and there's fucking Lenny Kravitz, leading people to believe we've headed down the shitter...

So let's see what we got...

(Bonus) Korn "Word Up" (2004)
(Bonus) Katy Perry "Hot N Cold" (2008)
(Bonus) T-Pain "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')" (2007)
(Bonus) Aaron Lewis ft. Fred Durst "Outside" (2000)
(Bonus) Jimmy Eat World "Work" (2004)

#40 Snoop Dogg "Sexual Eruption" (2007)
#39 iiO "Rapture" (2001)
#38 Britney Spears "I'm A Slave 4 U" (2001)
#37 P Diddy & The Bad Boy Family "Bad Boy for Life" (2001)
#36 D12 "Purple Pills" (2001)
#35 Ciara "One, Two Step" (2005)
#34 Ke$ha "Tik Tok" (2009)
#33 Aerosmith "Jaded" (2001)
#32 Michael Jackson "You Rock My World" (2001)
#31 L.F.O. (Lyte Funky Ones) "Every Other Time" (2001)

#30 Drake "Best I Ever Had" (2009)
#29 Velvet Revolver "Fall to Pieces" (2004)
#28 Stacie Orrico "Stuck" (2003)
#27 Avril Lavigne "Complicated" (2002) / Taylor Swift "Forever and Always" (2009)
#26 The All American Rejects "Swing Swing" (2002)
#25 Ginuwine "Differences" (2002) / Mario "Let Me Love You" (2004)
#24 Peter Searcy "Losing Light Fast" (2000) / Matchbox 20 "Unwell" (2002)
#23 Panic! at the Disco "That Green Gentleman" (2008) / "New Perspective" (2009)
#22 Afroman "Because I Got High" (2001) / The Bloodhound Gang "Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo" (2005)
#21 Gwen Stefani "Hollaback Girl" (2005)

#20 Sisqo "Dance for Me" (2001)
#19 Madonna "Don't Tell Me" (2000)
#18 Good Charlotte "Girls and Boys" (2003)
#17 Madison Avenue "Don't Call Me Baby" (2000)
#16 Samantha Mumba "Gotta Tell You" (2000)
#15 Miley Cyrus "Party in the U.S.A." (2009)
#14 Lenny Kravitz "Again" (2000)
#13 Fall Out Boy "Dance Dance" (2005) / Gym Class Heroes "Cupid's Chokehold" (2006)
#12 Elton John "I Want Love" (2001)
#11 BBMak "Back Here"

#10 Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow "Picture" (2002)
#09 G-Unit "Wanna Get to Know You" (2004)
#08 Keane "Somewhere Only We Know" / Coldplay "Sparks" (2000) / Snow Patrol "Run" (2004)
#07 Crazy Town "Butterfly" (2000)
#06 R. Kelly "Trapped in the Closet" Parts 1-22 (2005-2007)
#05 Michelle Branch "Everywhere" (2001) / Santana "The Game of Love" (2002)
#04 American Hi-Fi "Flavor of the Weak" (2001)
#03 Nelly "Flap Your Wings" (2004)
#02 Papa Roach "Scars" (2004)
#01 'N Sync "Gone" (2001) / "Girlfriend" (2002)

2000: 8
2001: 13
2002: 7
2003: 2
2004: 8
2005: 5
2006: 1
2007: 3
2008: 2
2009: 5

Besides the surprisingly low turnouts from 2003 and 2006, this is pretty much what we expected. The first half of the decade had 38 mentions, and the second half had 15 mentions. Not surprising at all and probably an indicator of what to expect if/when a 2000's mix/jams/best-of thing gets posted here.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

2000's Guilt #01: 'N Sync “Gone” (2001) / "Girlfriend" (2002)

We have no desire whatsoever to defend 'N Sync, mostly because they're fucking awful. But we will verify that their last 2 singles are the only two things in the entire "boy band" genre worth anyone's attention. Once we move past the awkward-as-fuck intro of "Gone," the production subtitles are kind of out-of-this-world amazing. Whoever worked on this got REAL fuckin paid and absolutely knew what they were doing. Plus, "Girlfriend" is probably The Neptunes' most understated hit song simply because of who sings on it, but when that Neptunes boxed set drops, "Girlfriend" absolutely deserves to be in the first 5 songs on Disc One.

And we'll give some credit where it's due: The awesomeness of these 2 jams are partially due to Just Timb's vocal performance. While the other four dudes in the group may have considered it unfair, Jive absolutely made a wise business decision to not issue singles featuring the other group members singing lead. Seriously, when you're a grown man approaching 30 and getting paid millions of dollars to sing and dance around like a fucking asshole for the sole purpose of teaching 11-year-olds to masturbate, are you really going to take your job seriously enough to get angry over one group member receiving too many solos? Who the FUCK cares. You're in fucking 'N SYNC. But since it led to the group's demise, this should be considered a positive thing.

"Gone" was our #6 guilty pleasure jam of 2001... 5 songs from that list appeared throughout the "2000's Guilt," which makes 2001 the winner. Also whoever cast the chicks in these 2 videos deserved their pay raise.

2000's Guilt #02: Papa Roach “Scars” (2005)

This was our #1 guilty pleasure song of 2005:

This is what it sounds like when the angriest football player in school comes out of the closet. The artist formerly known as Coby Dick was once cashing-in on the angry family-hating y2k atmosphere that made millionaires out of Limp, Staind & Mudd. Five years later, radio friendly nu-metal is dead, and fake-emo is in. This is the same reason why Hoobastank followed up the oddly over-aggressive "Out Of Control" with the significantly sappier (abysmal) "The Reason," and why Sum 41 followed-up the punked-out anti-everything "We're All To Blame" with that song that sounds like Coldplay. The first single keeps the fans from crying "sell out," but the second single maintains their record contract and ensures U.S. Top 40 spins.

This is an interesting point since Hoobastank's "The Reason," Sum 41's "Pieces" and "Scars" were all the last time the mainstream heard from any of these bands... and even stranger since "The Reason" specifically was fucking huge.

P-Roach and their label strategically planned out a similar tactic, making "Scars" the follow-up to the execrable "Getting Away With Murder." But somehow the 2nd single in this case turned out to be their best song ... It's so stupid and catchy and simple that eventually, it sticks. - TMK, 1/12/06

What's even stranger is that this song seems to get better with every passing year. If we were gutsy enough to include this is the "best of the 2000's" list, "Scars" probably would have placed embarrassingly well.

2000's Guilt #03: Nelly “Flap Your Wings” (2004)

(For some reason, there's a different song playing in this video up until the 0:36 mark.)

"Hot in Herre," "EI," "Ride Wit Me," "Country Grammar.." These are normally listed as the most essential Nelly jams. For white and older humans, they may be familiar with "Over and Over." Apparently that piece of shit "Grillz" was at #1 for a week a few years ago. But for some reason, no one's ever heard "Flap Your Wings," essentially the sequel to the hugely successful "Hot In Herre," although filled with more subtitles and less immediate hooks, signaling the start of a more beat-centered era for The Neptunes. As there were less immediate hooks and it wasn't as easy to here Pharrell singing over the track, it was considered a disappointment at the time which is probably why radio never played it. The major hook of the song becomes obvious towards the very end of the song which only includes percussion and drums. Infectious drumloops like these are hard to come by these days.

2000's Guilt #04: American Hi-Fi “Flavor of the Weak” (2001)

We're now getting into the shit that stood a chance for inclusion in "2000's jams" (or whatever it ends up being called), although these two countdowns will be purposely avoiding redundancy. ("Flavor of the Weak" placed #3 on 2001's guilty pleasure list.)

Checking Wikipedia, the singer used to be the drummer for Veruca Salt and is currently the drummer for Miley Cyrus along with 2 other members of American Hi-Fi, who are surprisingly still functioning as a band in 2011. Superfluous and awkward usage of "Nintendo" in the chorus can be attributed to sub-Weezer leanings, although the song did end up foreshadowing some of the best un-edgy mainstream rock singles of the next few years. The guiltiest awesome-est moment of this song is probably in the last 15 seconds when the line "She makes me weak" arrives just before that final sustained unresolved chord. Fuck you, this shit rules.

2000's Guilt #05: Michelle Branch “Everywhere” (2001) / Santana “The Game of Love” (2002)

Whatever happened to this chick? She had quite a thing going for a minute... Cute girl sings cute songs about dudes. And of course the most important element of all: she's actually not annoying. Perfect. "Everywhere" was our #2 guilty pleasure song of 2001.

"The Game of Love" was written by Gregg Alexander from The New Radicals, which explains why Michelle Branch and Santana suddenly sounded like their songs were being written by Todd Rundgren. (Surprisingly, "I Saw the Light" has yet to be butchered by any current Top 40 artists, although a cover from Santana and Michelle Branch might have potential.) By 2002, The New Radicals had been disbanded for nearly three years, a wise decision since no one would have ever heard this song if he had sung it himself as the first single from their follow-up album. Instead, it's the only remotely palatable song from any of Santana's "comeback" records.

2000's Guilt #06: R.Kelly “Trapped In the Closet” Parts 1-22 (2005-2007)

"R.Kelly Peed On A Fucking Child And Got Away With It. That Is The Most Swagged Out Shit I Have Ever Heard In My Life." - Tyler, the Creator

2000's Guilt #07: Crazy Town “Butterfly” (2000)

This was our #10 guilty pleasure song of 2001, and I never bothered trying to locate the sample until just now... go to 0:51...

So even though the majority of the elements in "Butterfly" are incredibly lame, that sample is strong enough to go on for 10 minutes straight and still sound amazing. There's a lot to be embarrassed about besides that... "Me and you is like Sid and Nancy." Yuck. But whatever... It doesn't matter, because for 3 minutes we're grooving to one of the sickest bass samples since "The Humpty Dance." Is Flea a genius? We're thinking "possibly." Granted, RHCP can get pretty lame at times, but when they were on their shit, they fucking killed it. Also, the member of Crazy Town who discovered how well this bassline works over a hiphop beat deserves a fucking medal (which they kind of received already since this was a #1 single and resulted in a platinum record).

2000's Guilt #08: Keane “Somewhere Only We Know” (2004) / Coldplay “Sparks” (2000) / Snow Patrol “Run” (2004)

As long as we're getting into guilty pleasures, we might as well just come right out: Coldplay's Parachutes is a fucking solid LP that none of their copycats, nor the band themselves, were ever able to match, although Parachutes itself came close to matching one of its most obvious influences, The Verve's Urban Hymns, while Radiohead normally takes most of the blame, which really makes no sense at all, with the exception of two songs: "High and Dry" and "Fake Plastic Trees," both influenced by Jeff Buckley's Grace.

So with this logic, poor Jeff Buckley should be taking all the blame for the genre that produced Snow Patrol, Keane, Augustana, Aqualung, Travis, and at its worst, James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." We can't let this happen. If this is the kind of world where Jeff Buckley is the scapegoat that led to "You're Beautiful..." ... But wait a sec, fucking Cobain has been painted by imbeciles as the scapegoat that led to Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me," so it's not like this hasn't already happened on a different scale.

Whatever.. "Sparks" is probably our favorite song from Parachutes. "Run" is kinda repetitive and about 2 minutes too long, but it has a really nice intro. (The video version posted below is a much more appropriate song-length.)

While Keane isn't really anything to be proud of enjoying, "Somewhere Only We Know" is the actual reason why this entry exists... It's without question the best and most fully formed song out of every Coldplay-copycat single. Best production, best performance, best songwriting. They nailed it.

2000's Guilt #09: G-Unit “Wanna Get to Know You” (2004)

We've made it all the way to #9... Keeping in mind that we've now seen the likes of BBMak, Sisqo, Good Charlotte and Drake, we've now made it to the gayest moment in this entire list, which would be around 3:20 in this video when 50 Cent stares into the camera in slow motion with this strange awkward look on his face and says "Let me touch on you, I'll let you touch on me, I'll put my tongue on you, you put your tongue on me..." The video director cuts to a chick in the middle of this lyric, but those who know better are fully aware of what's up...

2000's Guilt #10: Kid Rock & Sheryl Crow “Picture” (2002)

Similar to our Lenny Kravitz post, we cannot proceed without stating how much damage Kid Rock has done to American music, if for no other reason than his assistance with giving Uncle Kracker a platform for mediocrity, but more importantly because his music always seems to provide false justification for American ignorance. This is a guy who literally spent money to have a Radiohead logo printed onto toilet paper. That said, "Picture" is the one instance when he was able to provide any substantial depth in one of his radio singles. Wikipedia does not provide information on who had a bigger hand in songwriting between Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock, but seeing as how Crow had already established herself as the better songwriter (and better singer) between the two, it's not especially difficult to figure out. P.S. Cool guitar solo, not.

2000's Guilt #11: BBMak “Back Here” (2000)

Not sure if this is really embarrassing or just somewhat... but "Back Here" is another one of those singles that we went fucking APESHIT for. It started out modestly enough as our #4 guilty pleasure single of 2000, and eventually achieved such accolades as being named the 45th best song OF ALL TIME on March 18th 2003. (An officially posted alltime list on 10/8/04 also includes "Back Here" at #114.) Just in case anyone was wondering, this is a gross overstatement. Nostalgia has strangely had an opposite effect on this song, making it seem more embarrassing as opposed to more endearing, but we still feel strongly enough to place it above anything from those fucking old creepy weirdos in Backstreet Boys or Take That. If you disagree, you are frontin'.

2000's Guilt #12: Elton John “I Want Love” (2001)

Following 9/11/01, MTV temporarily switched their format to playing mostly videos for about a month (or maybe longer)... This is when most of us saw The Strokes' "Last Nite" for the first time, as well as repeated airings of Robert Downey Jr lipsynching to a very Beatles-influenced Elton John track... If it wasn't intentionally meant by Elton John & Bernie Taupin to sound like a Jeff Lynne engineered McCartney album from 1995, then whoever produced it probably wanted it to sound that way. The song also helps us to recognize Elton John as the original godfather of reer, the specific vocal inflection popularized by Pearl Jam and ruined shortly afterwards by Hootie, Creed and Nickelback. Elton's is more country-flavored, however, which isn't nearly as embarrassing.

2000's Guilt #13: Fall Out Boy “Dance Dance” (2005) / Gym Class Heroes “Cupid’s Chokehold” (2006)

Both songs fell victim to embarrassingly awful videos, especially considering Pete Wentz was a 29-year-old grown human sincerely acting as a high school student without any irony whatsoever. (Michael J Fox, he is not.) We would have posted 2 live videos in order to avoid these embarrassments, except there are no live Gym Class Heroes performances on Youtube with that sideburns dude from FOB, and the "Breakfast In America" chorus is obviously the best part of that song.

"Cupid's Chokehold" was our #17 worst song of 2006, and then our #5 guilty pleasure single of 2007. To an even greater extreme, Fall Out Boy's From Under The Cork Tree was our worst album of 2005, followed by "Dance Dance" as the #1 guilty pleasure single of 2006:

...They are ruining music, whether you believe it or not. In fact, my hatred for this band is drastic enough that it sometimes leads me to claim outrageous opinionated statements that usually end up being true. Here’s an example: "At their best, Limp Bizkit was a better band than FOB ever was." (Okay, I’m reading it over... and... Yeah, that’s true. Wow, imagine that. There’s a band that actually makes me long for Fred Durst’s finer moments.)

This is now questionable... In hindsight, "Dance Dance" (their best song) probably surpasses "Break Stuff" (Limp's best song), but it's hard to say. Moving on...

That bassist with the teeth, Pete Whatshisname, is a very confusing rockstar, and I find it bizarre that the singer for this band was not chosen to be the focal point, another aspect that suggests insincerity. So all of this explains why "Dance Dance" is the guiltiest pleasure of 2006. They somehow managed to produce a near-perfect pop-punk song. And because it’s so shockingly good, it becomes their most Satanic accomplishment. Its video tried so very hard to suggest both fun and rebellion in the same breath, but instead it ended up being anti-fun, tedious, ugly, difficult, and anything but rebellious. It’s a remarkably shitty video, so bad that it distracted more than a few MTV viewers from understanding anything positive about the song it’s promoting. - TMK, 1/17/07

2000's Guilt #14: Lenny Kravitz “Again” (2000)

Honestly, I'm not sure how this list was ever considered a good idea... So far this is probably the most embarrassing failure in the history of Taste My Kids, which is why we've been posting everything so quickly. It's almost over... Keep on truckin...

So the story with this one is that Lenny Kravitz is like, fucking awful, and has zero good songs. Musically speaking, he's never done anything good ever. However, "Again" is the one song that's probably the least awful out of everything he's done.

To keep things interesting, we've also included a clip from The Cosby Show (one of the episodes with Bud because Bud rules).. The connection is that Lenny Kravitz cheated on Lisa Bonet back when she was super-hot, and that's the kind of behavior we should expect from untalented hacks like Lenny Kravitz.

2000's Guilt #15: Miley Cyrus “Party In The U.S.A.” (2009)

242 MILLION VIEWS, people. Holy fucking shit... For those who really need to have this spelled out for them, here's the deal... "Party in the U.S.A." did not make our "2009's Greatest Hits." However, it's a pretty great song. Huge hooks, awesome vocal melody, very fun and clearly a product of its time. However, the song's vocalist - who has yet to come across to us as anything other than an obnoxious little c-word - barely deserves to have her name associated with it. I'm pretty sure she's said several times that she doesn't even like "Party in the U.S.A." even though it's probably the only memorable thing she's ever sang.

This might be a great opportunity to share one of our proudest body-double discoveries: Miley Cyrus and the girl who plays Catherine Martin in Silence of the Lambs... We've included the "it rubs the lotion on its skin" scene for easy comparison.

2000's Guilt #16: Samantha Mumba “Gotta Tell You” (2000)

Another overseas artist... Turns out Samantha is from Ireland. Also, I'm just now realizing that I have not heard this song in over 10 years until this exact moment... So when "Gotta Tell You" was chosen for "2000's Guilt," the song playing in my head did not match the sounds on the video posted below... She sounds like the victim of an awful karaoke song-choice, hopelessly out of the singer's range. And to make matters even stranger, the video posted here is a lipsynching performance, meaning this is really how the song actually sounds. How about that... We finally found someone J.Lopez and Britney would beat in a singing contest. Back in 2000, pop stars with horrendously awful voices were a lot more commonplace. And I'm fairly positive this dance performance is right around 5th grade talent show caliber as well.

If you're strong enough to make it to the chorus, I guess it's not THAT bad...

2000's Guilt #17: Madison Avenue “Don’t Call Me Baby” (2000)

Somewhere between Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" and 3Oh!3's (already forgotten) shitty breakthrough single, the fight against blatant misogyny within pop culture started to seem like a lost cause. But back in 2000, disco hits like "Don't Call Me Baby" were still considered profitable commodities. In fact, IIRC the song did extremely well shooting to #1 in both the UK and in Australia, although it was only a minor hit in the United States. This is definitely the kind of song that would never chart today.

Monday, August 15, 2011

2000's Guilt #18: Good Charlotte “Girls and Boys” (2003)

Placed #3 in 2003's Guilty Pleasures list...

There is a song that I'm unable to identify, that Good Charlotte ripped off to make "Girls And Boys." It's not "Girls And Boys" by Blur, and it's not "Freak Of The Week" by Marvelous 3.... until I figure out what it is, the chorus of this song will continue to trigger my "good song" brain chemical.

I think I figured it out a few years ago, but I've since forgotten... It's def early-80's, like "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne or something similar...

2000's Guilt #19: Madonna “Don’t Tell Me” (2000)

There's no point in lying... 90% of the reason why this is here is because of Stella's "Raking Leaves" short. The other 10% is because it's her only good song of the past 15 years, although not quite the gem that SPIN called "the emotionally richest pop throwaway since the Supremes..." The weird guitar sample helped tremendously. The world needs more weird.

2000's Guilt #20: Sisqo “Dance For Me” (2001)

While we recognize "Thong Song's" Y2K's ubiquity, we've had time to carefully peruse Sisqo's entire solo output and have determined this to be his greatest contribution to modern culture...

2000's Guilt #21: Gwen Stefani “Hollaback Girl” (2005)

Placed #9 on our 2005 Guilty Pleasure Singles...

Listening to "Saw Red" by Sublime (featuring Gwen) has to make one long for the days when this chick knew how to rock. ... "Hollaback Girl" [is] one of the most baffling Neptunes tracks [from] their recent minimalism period that began with the infectious "Drop It Like It's Hot," and was suggested prior with "Can't Stop Won't Stop." ... [She's not] Kelis. Her voice lacks R&B-flavored soul, and when the Neptunes end up backing her with THIS kind of beat, she ends up sounding like... well, a rich, white cheerleader...

I was hoping "this shit is vaginas" would become a big catchphrase this year, but my longing was all for naught.
- TMK, 1/12/06

2000's Guilt #22: Afroman “Because I Got High” (2001) / The Bloodhound Gang “Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo” (2005)

Kids these days runnin around with their fuckin weed and their boners...

2000's Guilt #23: Panic at the Disco “That Green Gentleman” (2008) / Panic! at the Disco “New Perspective” (2009)

“That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)” placed at #9 on the Guilty Pleasure Singles Of 2008:

For album #2, Panic decided to drop their punctuation, change their image, and change their sound. But they still can only record 3 good songs per album, so I guess despite the song’s title, things haven’t changed all that much. ... “That Green Gentleman” is by far the best song this band has ever recorded ... [we are] surprisingly interested in where they’re headed musically. - TMK, December 2008

The following year, "New Perspective" was our #13 song of the year:

[We] incorrectly assumed "New Perspective" to be a transitional single, signaling what to expect from their 3rd album. But instead, it turns out they've split up! Panic! (now once again with their original punctuation) is currently only the singer and drummer, while the guitarist and bass player have formed another more Sgt Pepper-influenced project called The Young Veins... - TMK, 1/1/10

2000's Guilt #24: Peter Searcy “Losing Light Fast” (2000) / Matchbox 20 “Unwell” (2001)

Nobody knows who Peter Searcy is, but I promise you "Losing Light Fast" is a fucking banger of a pop-song, which we pretty much only heard during the dying days of 120 Minutes in late-Spring 2000 (and possibly in light rotation on WLIR). The album title Could You Please And Thank You conjures similarities to equally awkward and pseudo-poetic album titles such as Counting Crows' August And Everything After and most obviously Matchbox 20's Yourself Or Someone Like You, which is where the Matchbox connection arrives.

[Edit 7/15/2014: LOL well we now have figured out that he was a member of Slint's posse and played in the dope mid-80s Louisville band Squirrel Bait, which is a far distance from the lighter mom-rock of this banger.]

I'm not sure how "Unwell" made this list and not Train's "Drops Of Jupiter" but whatever...

P.S. Some fun comparisons... "Losing Light Fast" on Youtube is up to 826 views while "Unwell" is now up to 2,367,964 views. It's entirely possibly that an appearance on our 2000's Guilty Pleasures singles is the best promotion this song has received in years.

2000's Guilt #25: Ginuwine "Differences" (2002) / Mario "Let Me Love You" (2004)

I recall incorrectly assuming that Timbaland produced "Differences" simply because it's Ginuwine, which does not make any sense. P.S. I'm watching this video for the first time, and I'm getting the same vibe as when I saw "Pony" for the first time a few months ago... Are all of Ginuwine's videos this amazing? Would the Ginuwine DVD boxed set be a worthwhile investment? We'll look into this matter and report back.

The Mario track was written by Ne-Yo (iirc) which explains how such a simple slow-jam can resonate (although I think part of the reason why it stood out had a lot to do with a lack of traditional-sounding slow jams throughout that year). 2005's guilty pleasures list placed "Let Me Love You" at #5, and the only interesting thing we wrote was that it has a good bridge section.

2000's Guilt #26: The All American Rejects “Swing Swing” (2002)

#8 guilty pleasure song of 2003 (tied with Bowling for soup lmao)

Anger and hatred transformed into acceptance and genuine enjoyment somewhere between my 14th and 30th time hearing "Swing Swing." ... transformation did not occur until rock stations had dropped the tracks, and pop stations had picked them up. It's the result of genre re-labeling. - TMK, 12/31/03

Makes sense.

Edit (8/18/11): We forgot to mention part of our initial enjoying of "Swing Swing" was partially due to how badly they ripped off the bassline from "Good" by Better Than Ezra.

2000's Guilt #27: Avril Lavigne "Complicated (2002) / Taylor Swift "Forever and Always" (2009)

"Complicated" was our #1 guilty pleasure song of 2002, and if you don't recognize it as a country song, you are frontin'. "Forever and Always" is an album track (not a single) if that means anything... Both videos posted here are horrendously awful and unwatchable, but the songs are still A+.

White chicks LOL. Is this really country? If so, this is the best country song of the past 20 years, which is weird because I just read that this was possibly written about one of the Jonas Brothers. I have no desire to pay attention to Taylor Swift's lyrics, so the celebrity gossip attached to this song is meaningless to me. - TMK, 12/26/09

2000's Guilt #28: Stacie Orrico "Stuck" (2003)

We kinda went apeshit over this one... #1 Guilty Pleasure single of 2003...

I'm as shocked as you are. How, exactly, is it even fathomable for a CCM artist, in the teen-pop genre, no-less, to record a single [with] this many hooks? ... By their nature, CCM artists have no choice but to be safer versions of their Top 40 counterparts. Teen-pop singers have a tendancy to seem "safe" (on the surface) anyway, which makes them more likely to be considered "real," as opposed to punk rock (MxPx) or metal (P.O.D.), and at the same time, less likely to be dull enough to make the listener want to drive off a cliff, such as in the adult-contemporary category (Amy Grant). - TMK, 12/31/03

8 years later, it's shockingly not that bad...

2000's Guilt #29: Velvet Revolver "Fall to Pieces" (2004)

Correctly placed at #11 on our "Best Videos of 2004" list, although it possibly could've been higher... Congratulations to Mr. Scott Weiland for such an intensely accurate caricature of his drug-battling lifestyle, and probably more accurate than anyone is willing to admit. Acting in this video was probably a strange experience for him personally. It's possible the video director may have been assuming that Weiland would be dead by the time Velvet Revolver dissolved, which would have made this video almost as hauntingly disturbing as Tupac's "I Ain't Mad At Cha."

Aside from the heroin thing, this video is also hugely important for Slash and Duff, who are far too iconic to unjustly waste their 40's doing anything other than kicking ass in at least a few more awesome MTV videos.

Edit (8/18/11): We just received an interesting factoid from one of our associates. We've been assured the rest of the Contraband LP sounds nothing like "Fall to Pieces," and Slash had actually been working on this song years before the formation of Velvet Revolver, possibly as far back as the late 90's.

Here's a bonus jam, just because the song rules... (Not a guilty pleasure at all.)

2000's Guilt #30: Drake "Best I Ever Had" (2009)

We didn't post guilty pleasures lists from 2008 onward, but Drake would have def placed.

I refuse to watch Drake's videos as I fear the suave charm in his music will be drastically undermined by recognizing him as the same guy who played a paraplegic basketball player on Degrassi: The Next Generation, the most horrifically compelling TV show intended for pre-teens since 1990 gave us the 1-2 punch of Saved By The Bell and Nickelodeon's Fifteen. And don't let the "rapping" fool any listeners... This shit was made for American Top 40 with just as much pop craftsmanship as Lady GaGa. - TMK, 12/28/09

Yeah, no kidding... For those who weren't aware, this sounds nothing like "Slam" by ONYX and does not resemble NWA's Straight Outta Compton LP. Cool write-up, not.

2000's Guilt #31: L.F.O. (Lyte Funky Ones) "Every Other Time" (2001)

For those keeping track, this is now the seventh song from 2001 since the countdown began. We have no idea how this happened. Also in the months since "Summer Girls" made the 90's guilty pleasures list at #13, the main singer dude from L.F.O. ended up dying, which is sad. However, we'll remember him fondly for wisely opting to submit to a Howard Stern interview instead of writing some boring memoir that no one will ever read, which is when the world learned about how Lou Pearlman wanted to do them young boys in the butthole. Although not nearly as amazing as their signature song, "Every Other Time" was included here as it sounds so distinctly like a purposely organized product of its time.

2000's Guilt #32: Michael Jackson "You Rock My World" (2001)

More thoughts regarding Neptunes... They didn't write "You Rock My World," but they did submit 7 demos that were written specifically for inclusion on MJ's Invinsible LP, all of which instead were used on J.Timberlake's Justified LP. This brings to mind "Rock Your Body," possibly the one song out of that bunch that seems most perfect for Michael Jackson. Timberlake owned it of course... But if Michael Jackson had accepted "Rock Your Body," then this would have set off a course of events preventing his sister's titty from being exposed to a crowd of 500 million people in February of 2004, as Justin would never have been able to sing the line "gonna have you naked by the end of this song." Just some thoughts...

2000's Guilt #33: Aerosmith "Jaded" (2001)

Where the perfect alt-rock melody goes to die, while the lemon-fresh spirit of Serge Gainsbourg keeps holding back the years. Yet another completely nonsensical blurb from SPIN's "Singles of the year" lists. I was trying to locate a good live video, but Steven Tyler made it kind of obvious that "Jaded" is REALLY hard to sing...

Also for a minute, I was sure Aerosmith was the only group that could have hypothetically made it onto the 80's, 90's and 2000's guilt-jams, but I think there's at least 2 more feasible possibilities on the horizon...

2000's Guilt #34: Ke$ha "Tik Tok" (2009)

Remember that one time Ke$ha got drunk?

2000's Guilt #35: Ciara "1,2 Step" (2005)

I was informed yesterday that the producer's name is pronounced "Jazzy Fay" (spelled Jazze Pha) and that the only other remotely noteworthy song he ever worked on was "Area Codes." As for "1,2 Step," it's probably another one of those songs that Aaliyah would have ended up singing... Odd Future loves it.

2000's Guilt #36: D12 "Purple Pills" (2001)

More fun facts discovered throughout our journey: Eminem is probably the most overrated artist of the past 20 years, and possibly of all time. I recall reading articles that compared him to Bob Dylan, which makes sense if you ignore how easy it is to relate to Dylan's lyrics, as opposed to Eminem who pretty much forced listeners to hear stories about his personal life, which no one ever cared to hear. As far as we can tell, "Purple Pills" remains the only evidence that he was ever capable of having fun through music.

2000's Guilt #37: P Diddy & The Bad Boy Family "Bad Boy For Life" (2001)

Oh good, Ben Stiller. Thank god. Okay, so let's ignore him and instead pay attention to this hypnotically weird beat...

2000's Guilt #38: Britney Spears "I'm A Slave 4 U" (2001)

I'm guessing here, but there has to be a huge collection of Neptunes demos that they've saved up over the years... This would make sense. They didn't write "I'm A Slave 4 U" and "Boys" while Britney was standing there next to them in the studio. I think they probably get asked to submit demos of finished versions except for the vocals, and I would guess the singing would be from Pharrell Williams. If this is the case, I would absolutely be interested in hearing these. Imagine a version of "I'm A Slave 4 U" or "Rock Your Body" with Pharrell on vocals.. I fucking need to hear these things. Boxed set coming soon we hope.

Back when The Neptunes ruled the world, they saved Britney from sounding boring like she did on all of her other songs. No-brainer.

2000's Guilt #39: iiO "Rapture" (2001)

The turn-of-the-century version of long island station WLIR injected a whole bunch of this type of music into their playlists, which normally included Iggy Pop, New Order, "I Melt With You," and R.E.M. "Rapture" is probably the best one of these, although I have friends who would probably instead vouch for Alice Deejay.

2000's Guilt #40: Snoop Dogg "Sexual Eruption" (2007)

We refuse to apologize for posting this video because it's amazing, and it strangely predicted the VHS/80's-nostalgia trend that's been heavily flooding music blogs such as Altered Zones.

2000's Guilt (Bonus): Jimmy Eat World “Work” (2004)

Okay, in case anyone was wondering, this spot was actually supposed to be reserved for "Turn Me On" by Kevin Lyttle, but I simply cannot bring myself to post that video on this blog, and so in its place is Jimmy Eat World. It turns out the video for "Work" was #10 on our Worst Videos of 2005, and so again we have a live video in its place...

2000's Guilt (Bonus): Aaron Lewis featuring Fred Durst "Outside" (2000)

I recall Hartford's Radio104 proudly taking credit for being the first station nationally to start playing the bonus track from the 1999 Family Values Tour live comp, months before it was issued as a single. "Tomorrow will be okay" and "You're ugly like me" seemed sincere enough as lyrics to express some depth from the Staind dude, although the true star of the show here is clearly The Durst.

2000's Guilt (Bonus): T-Pain "Buy U A Drank (Shawty Snappin')" (2007)

Once upon a time, "Buy U A Drank" tied with "Soulja Boy (Crank That)" for the #1 guilty pleasure song of 2007. (By the way, today we we also discovered 2007 as without question the worst year for the past 20 years of music.)

This record should have recieved some kind of award for outstanding engineering, since the song itself is actually really fucking terrible.. But in the end, it gets pulled out of the ugly quicksand by some seriously shimmering production. Beyond this, we are lost for a defense. One important thing to note about this song, however, is that the vocal performance is nowhere near its best elements, and so we're lost as to why T-Pain ended up being featured in 90% of every song on Top 40 radio during the 2nd half of 2007. - TMK, 5/21/08

2000's Guilt (Bonus): Katy Perry "Hot N Cold" (2008)

God, that video with Elmo is so fucking awkward... Anyway, here's the first of many Max Martin and Dr. Luke collabs that is sure to infest the remainder of our now unstoppable journey through the most embarrassingly awesome songs of the most embarrassing decade known to mankind.

2000's Guilt (Bonus): Korn "Word Up" (2004)

Didn't expect this to be such a terrible video... But with this in mind, we should probably expect to see mostly unwatchable trainwrecks throughout most of this adventure. In either case, Korn's cover of "Word Up" is still fun as shit to sing along to, although it was way less embarrassing when these dudes had an actual career going.

We've included "Make Me Bad" as well as a bonus to the bonus...

40 Guilty Pleasure Jams 2000-2009

Nobody called all day, and so this is the result... Normal people might have read a book or watched Netflix. Whatever... We started going through songs for a possible 2000-2009 Mix, which might be titled "00's Mix" or something... with "00's" pronounced as "zeroes."

Somewhere between discovering Ciara's surprisingly enormous singles catalog and hearing Ian Van Dahl's "Castles in the Sky" for the first time in 10 years, a decision was made to post a spontaneously thrown together (and of course thorough) guilty pleasures mix, and if all goes well, it will be posted in its entirety over the next 2 hours, although don't plan on that happening because it's like 2AM here...

Before proceeding, we shall of course be kicking things off with some inaugural bonus videos...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Lowt Ide "This Album Fucking Sucks"

Lowt Ide
This Album Fucking Sucks (LP)
2005, 2007 (2011 reissue)

1. Lowt Ide - Elton John For Optimum Power Breakfast (1:37)
2. Lowt Ide - Set The Dance Floor On Fire (2:24)
3. Lowt Ide - Empathy (2:54)
4. Lowt Ide - Let's Rock (1:59)
5. Lowt Ide - I Don't Know Much (0:24)
6. Lowt Ide - Interview With Guy Charles (1:55)
7. Lowt Ide - Velvet Sunset (2:31)
8. Lowt Ide - Way (3:34)
9. Lowt Ide - I Got Judd In My Bones (0:30)
10. Lowt Ide - Toto Cho Cha (1:42)
11. Lowt Ide - An Enlarged Penis Penetrates Super Mario's Ass (0:45)
12. Lowt Ide - Tommy Hilfiger Does Bei Jing (5:42)
13. Lowt Ide - Set The Dance Floor On Fire (Reprise) (0:14)
14. Lowt Ide - Black (1:44)
15. Lowt Ide - Are You Gonna Go My Way (2:26)
16. Lowt Ide - Our Second Album Comes Out Next Month (0:59)
17. Lowt Ide - When You're Gone (2:22)
18. Lowt Ide - American Flag (2:26)
19. Lowt Ide - Mountain Of Love (1:34)
20. Lowt Ide - A Porcupine Pissed On Me While I Was Attempting To Sniff Its Genitals (0:32)
21. Lowt Ide - My Dad Is The CEO Of DeVry (2:12)
22. Lowt Ide - Reebok Pumps And Spandex (2:06)
23. Lowt Ide - Patrick Swayze Is Sexy (I Would Pay Money To Touch Him) (1:25)
24. Lowt Ide - Mish Bish & Phish (3:20)
25. Lowt Ide - I Am Compiling The Beer Vs Beards Data I Will Send Out An Email With The Results By Thursday (0:45)
26. Lowt Ide - Mom I'm Sorry I Put The Cat In The Microwave (1:36)
27. Lowt Ide - Higher (2:55)
28. Lowt Ide - Freedom Cheney (1:43)
29. Lowt Ide - Moonshitz (Reprise) (0:42)
30. Lowt Ide - Authority (Next Time Bring Yer Own Fuckin' Guitar) (1:09)
31. Lowt Ide - Flying And Fisting (1:43)
32. Lowt Ide - Ryan Healy Goes To Subway (1:06)
33. Lowt Ide - I Love My Appendix (live) (1:57)
34. Lowt Ide - Showtune (live) (2:18)
35. Lowt Ide - Healey Ford (live) (1:29)
36. Lowt Ide - Driving Home And A Slut Swallowed My Load (live) (2:11)
37. Lowt Ide - We Didn't Start The Fire (live) (1:49)
38. Lowt Ide - I Just Don't Care (live) (2:57)


August 2000: A month after Splice’s last show, 2 of the band members form Low Tide and play their first show a day later. They vow to never record an album and only perform live. (Two songs from their first show appear here as bonus tracks, “Showtune” and “Healey Ford,” intended to be a car commercial for Ryan H’s car dealership where Splice used to practice.)

February 2001: They play their third show at UMass Amherst with Karl Z on keyboards, Jeff P on snare drum, and some dude named Mitch on lead vocals who ended up disrobing down to a pair of women’s underwear throughout the course of the show, causing the entire crowd of 80 people to get up and leave all at once. (“I Love My Appendix” from this show appears here as a bonus track.)

December 2002: By this point, through internet searches, they realize there are several other bands called Low Tide, but there was no band called Lowt Ide. Now a three-piece band (Russ F and Mike F with Karl Z), they decide seemingly out of nowhere to release one completely inaccessible 3-disc album. Assuming they’ll be able to complete this quickly, that same night, they write the numbers 1 through 115 in a notebook and fill it with absurd song titles and cover choices. (They normally think of the song titles before recording the songs.) They start recording within the next few days, putting a checkmark next to the song titles as they recorded them.

May 2003: They take a break from shows. Meanwhile, they’ve already filled up at least three tapes.

June 2003: They record an unreleased live album in Russ’s living room to a crowd of 6 people and call it “Live at MSG.” (Three songs appear from this as bonus tracks: “Driving Home and a Slut Swallowed My Load,” the cover of “We Didn’t Start The Fire” and their cover of a high school band on the song “I Just Don’t Care.”)

May 2004: All six tapes of shit and noise are converted one-by-one to a digital format, and a few weeks later, the album is mastered, sorted into a manageable tracklisting, and titled “There’s Absolutely No Fucking Way in Hell We’ll Ever Get Signed to a Major Label,” containing around 90 studio tracks and 15 bonus tracks (or something close to that). (An additional 20 songs are never used in the final mastering.) Also by this point, Karl had left Lowt Ide and they were back down to two members, although still encouraging guest appearances from their friends on many songs.

September 2004: They decide the album is too massive for anyone – including the band members themselves – to completely digest. They narrow down the “strongest” material and release it with artwork as their first LP, “Live at Madison Square Garden.” No one really cares, but that’s ok.

Early-2005: They hope to release an album of the worst songs from these sessions titled “This Album Fucking Sucks” which was abandoned soon after. Instead they take the best of the remaining songs and burn them onto a CD-R. For two years, that one CD-R is the only known copy of “This Album Fucking Sucks” as the version posted here.

March 2007: A tracklisting is added to Lowt Ide’s myspace page. Several copies are burned and handed out at a series of 3 shows they played in Danbury. The artwork is influenced by the movie Caddyshack.

“Empathy,” “Way” and “Moonshitz” are warped versions of Splice songs written by their former band leader Ryan H.

“I Don’t Know Much” is a cover of Aaron Neville. “Black” is Pearl Jam. “Are You Gonna Go My Way” is Lenny Kravitz. “When You’re Gone” is Matchbox 20. “Higher” is Creed.

The song title “Patrick Swayze is Sexy (I Would Pay Money to Touch Him)” is a quote from Gummo.

“Mish Bish & Phish” is about their seventh grade woodshop teacher.