| 100 - 81 || 80 - 61 || 60 - 41 || 40 - 21 || 20 - 1 |
| All 100 Songs |
40. D'Angelo “May I? Standing Unshaken”
D'Angelo loves Red Dead Redemption 2 so much that he refused to leave RockStar's offices until 5AM each night, playing the game until very late for weeks straight. Eventually the game creators were just like, "you know, if you love the game so much, why don't you go get married to it, or go write a song for it or something." Figuring D'Angelo would be like "lol, good one," he instead responds "well, that's quite a fine idea you got there, and I think I might do just that!" And the game creators said back, "Which one, get married to the game or write a song for it?" And then D'Angelo responds, "Both ideas are quite sharp. I'll get back to you on that." This is all verbatim and true, by the way. There is a 2019 version of this song floating around on streaming services that is not the original version posted to Youtube back in November 2018. The song feels a lot less complete without the long intro, similar to what usually would happen when radio stations would butcher the intro of "Really Love" (on the few R&B stations that bothered to play it early in 2015). Speaking of that, we have not forgotten D'Angelo saying Black Messiah was intended as a double-album, and that there's another LP of unreleased jams ready to drop at any given moment. Perhaps more videogame creators should give D'Angelo free shit in exchange for new songs since this is now officially the only thing left that motivates him. S.O.S. Plz halp. We need you D. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RajRfIG0mwo
39. Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats “Bedouin”
Unkie Sid dishes out another dope TRACK 7 for your spaced out enjoyment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T8jI9Uxlts
38. Kids See Ghosts f/ Louis Prima “4th Dimension”
Most artists stick to the same lane when considering guest attributions, although Kanye is not most artists. His name appears alone throughout his very collaborative Yeezus LP. A few years earlier, MBDTF's metadata wisely omitted the exhaustive list of guests on "All Of The Lights."Despite Kanye's further notoriety for lifting samples without clearing licensing rights, the metadata applied to Billboard's chart stats list "4th Dimension" with an unusual guest-spot from Louis Prima. His Christmas song from 1936 supplies the song's haunting, jazzy foundation, and Kanye's guest-tag secured Louis Prima's current world record for the longest stretch of weeks between chart placements on the Hot 100.
"4th Dimension" also marks the return of Kanye's trademark "Jesus Walks" drums, long absent from his music since around the time of Man on the Moon: The End of Day. Without any other proof, we suspect "4th Dimension" experienced its creative genesis around the same era, possibly intended (alongside 2010's "Christmas In Harlem") as part of an abandoned Kanye holiday LP.
37. Charly Bliss “Heaven”
36. Dilly Dally “Sober Motel”
35. Doe “My Friends”
34. Jo Passed “MDM”
33. Swearin’ “Future Hell”
Whoever they get to curate Side A of the Angus 2 soundtrack now owes us several thousand dollars. We accept Western Union or Traveler's Checks ONLY. Four of these were released within a 3 week span at the start of the 2018-2019 academic school year. The kids really want this; they just don't know it yet.
32. Stove “Safe Guy”
NSFW
31. Unknown Mortal Orchestra “American Guilt”
30. Negative Scanner “Shoplifter”
29. Bali Baby “Backseat”
Q: Should "Baby Shark" be in this list?
A: Yeah probably.
28. No Age “Popper”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUy3oVM1Fzw
27. Ovlov “Grab It From The Garden”
Joining "The Great Alligator" and "Dumboy" in the Stovlov epics canon.
26. Rae Sremmurd f/ Pharrell “Chanel”
25. Robyn “Ever Again”
24. Windhand “Diablerie”
23. Stefflon Don “Lil Bitch (Intro)”
22. Beak> “King of the Castle” / Beak> “Harvester”
21. Sleep “Marijuanaut’s Theme”
| 100 - 81 || 80 - 61 || 60 - 41 || 40 - 21 || 20 - 1 |
| All 100 Songs |
They'll be no accusations; just friendly crustaceans. It wasn't until after hearing the NFG song that we realized "Hard Times" was the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" of the long overdue "Under The Sea"-core alt-genre. This might help explain why someone is currently selling used copies of 
After this appeared at #1 on SPIN's "Best of 2017 so far" list back in June 2017, the FOMO vibes were strong. We love CRJ and wanted to cut to that feeling that apparently affected every one of her fans except for us. After subsequent scrobbles between July and December, it still sounds like an E•MO•TION non-album track that went under the knife, conforming to board-room notes and dozens of mixing revisions determined by data analysis. The soul in Carly Rae's music has a lot to do with her production decisions, which are largely absent here. It's a fine enough song, and it probably could have been the lead single of E•MO•TION: Side B. But fans likely would have pushed it out of any best of 2015 or 2016 lists due to vote splitting. (That's not to say that iHeartRadio didn't fail by ignoring it, which they did.)
The most dependable setting for Jay-Z's eternal GOAT status might be Nets games at Barclay Center. For an entire season of hoops, you're guaranteed to hear "Brooklyn's Finest" into "99 Problems" into "I Just Wanna Love You" night after night. The 2nd most played artist at Barclay is Beyonce (duh), although in both instances, you're not likely to hear any hits from either artists' most recent supposedly classic LPs. "Marcy Me" is the one track on 4:44 that maybe/possibly could have been on Reasonable Doubt (with different lyrics), but even this album standout would sound awkward played between "Single Ladies" and "Can I Get A." Both artists are cool with us, but the standom has gotten a little out of hand. Lemonade is not album of the decade and is not the 6th best album ever made by women. It's not even among Beyonce's 3 best albums, and was barely among the 10 best R&B albums of 2016. Its stans are attracted to the idea of Lemonade. Both this record and 4:44 (Jay-Z's 7th best by our count) sound like albums from beloved aging/legacy artists who run their own streaming service and don't need support from radio to be successful. Has anyone else grown suspicious that Tidal exclusives have been nominated for "Album Of The Year" Grammys two years in a row?? 
Why doesn't it just say "Featuring Bono?" Does it make sense to feature U2 as a group when 3 of the 4 members probably didn't even know this song was ever recorded until a month after the album dropped? (When this song was performed at the Grammys with both U2 as a band alongside Dave Chappelle, this might have been a good opportunity for Dave to reprise Black Gallagher and ask the crowd "Where are the weapons of mass destruction? Where are the other members of U2??" And then have Larry Mullen Jr and The Edge just randomly show up behind Dave. Sounds like a viral moment to us. Seems like everyone involved had a funny feeling this TV event would justify the song title. We also accept that it's way more badass for Kendrick to drop a new record with a "featuring U2" tag as opposed to a "featuring Bono." Granted, one of those just looks way cooler than the other.) DAMN. is not a dance record or a hiphop record or a "Rap" record in the classic sense. DAMN. is art-rap. No one was throwing on DAMN. at the summer 2017 BBQ, whereas summer 2016 you could have taken your pick from TLOP, YG, Schoolboy Q, Anti or like 7 others that we're forgetting about. We ended up scrobbling "XXX. FEAT. U2." a lot more than the rest of DAMN., so we included it here.
Lil B is usually most brilliant on his own. His infrequent collaborations (with artists like Soulja Boy and Chance) are typically not as buzzed as his solo material. (He's reportedly been cooking up some hits with Lil Wayne, and and we have our hopes up for a Lil Yachty collab mixtape). So when we spotted a collaboration with novelty/one-hit-wonder artist Ilovemakonnen among the seven preview tracks leaked back in July 2017, we were rightfully concerned. But rest assured, "Global" is a true album and career highlight for both artists. No worries over here. Keep that party alive.
In the hypothetical universe where MTV still hosts semi-annual "Top 100" or "Top 200" or "Top 500" all-time countdown marathons, would unexplained millennial love of random '80s hits make any major splashes? Back in 1995, the top 20 would typically include stuff like "Sledgehammer," "Vogue," "Take On Me," "Jeremy," "November Rain" and "Thriller." But would "Don't Stop Believing" crash the top 20 in 2007? Would "Never Gonna Give You Up" sneak in around #95 in 2009? Would a more recent countdown make room for "Africa" awkwardly between Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" and Beyonce's "Single Ladies?"
The first two editions of SATURATION didn't especially impress us, so perhaps our expectations were low when Brockhampton (a.k.a. "The other Odd Future" if Odd Future were made up of 14 indistinguishably bland rap personalities) dropped Saturation III during yet another musically rich December. The lead single "Boogie" was almost good enough to sneak into our Top 100, if only the beat didn't remind us of some goofy fake-edgy mid-'90s sitcom a la Sinbad or Mad TV or Hangin' With Mr. Cooper or like The Edge or something. It sounds like "Fox Thursday Night." [EDIT: Goddamnit.]
This was a tough call. Had circumstances been less upsetting, the strength of "Darling" would likely have placed it within our Top 40. But even on shitty unremembered blogs like this one, it's illegal to place this in any "top 100 of 2017" list. As a compromise, even #101 feels very wrong. Real Estate def need to call it a day. If they continue without sex offender bro, they not only risk angering people even more, but clickbait-opportunist "music journalists" won't hesitate for a second to capitalize on other people's trauma even more than they already have. St*r**g*m has essentially evolved into TMZ for indie-music bros. Attempts to rebrand using the same name with or without problematic band mates will definitely not go unnoticed. Choose your next move wisely.
Ear candy for gettin' riggity-wrecked on Purple Urkle. Always blazin' at least 18 jams in a row. The apparent Obama Kush royalty exclusively gathers four dudes who all had hits during 1994 rapping over a beat that sounds derivative of 1994's most frequently sampled artist (P-Funk). 1994 was also a landmark year for B-Real since it's the last time he rapped over a song that didn't suck. Yes, it's a nostalgia jam, but it's also fucking hilarious, a great party song, and simply better than what the young generation of new-backpackers have been cooking up. 
*Song intro starts playing* 
Here we have the first ever Hot Mix apparance from the death metal band whose lead singer sounds most like a wild boar out in the wilderness rolling around in shit and fucking and just living. Wild boar give zero fucks about net neutrality. There's no First Amendment out in the wild. Every classic death metal band who debuted between 1985-1994 has yet to expand upon the sound that made them classic, and yet no one would dare refer to any new metal resembling these bands as '90s retro throwbacks. Nothing changes for this genre because a step outside of brutality would be less brutal than continuing.
"The band KISS was a big fan of Dolly Parton, and when the song “I Will Always Love You” was released in 1974, Ace Frehley asked Dolly Parton if they could record a version of it for Hotter Than Hell, their second studio album. Dolly went to visit KISS in their studio in August of 1974 to watch them record it (the photo is from that 1974 studio visit). Unfortunately, the song was cut from the album. While she was at the studio, Dolly did help write the lyrics to ‘Hotter Than Hell’ with Paul Stanley, but didn’t want to be credited for fear of alienating her fan base. Rumor has it that one of Dolly’s tattoos is a KISS logo."
CT homies gonna work it out. Upon the release of "Oncoming Wave," Connecticut may have discovered its second-greatest heel, immediately following all-time champ Vince "God" McMahon, whose been keeping the Stamford economy booming with his hard work and spectacular pectorals. He's a genius, and definitely tough to beat. But with only a single track comprising their entire discography (EDIT: their 2nd song finally arrived in April 2018!!), New Haven's Heele may have given Vince a run for his money. "Oncoming Wave" fuses Faith No More, Failure and Nine Inch Nails into a brooding godzilla monster, fed up with the riffraff of knocking down skyscrapers, breathing fire and reaping havoc. Godzilla actually loves puppies and wants to be a veterinarian. Godzilla has feelings too.
"Be careful what you wish for." Was this the moral of "Morty's Mindblowers?" We're having trouble understanding Summer's newfound boredom with playing a crucial role in Rick's adventures. They could have figured out a more thoughtful character expansion without resorting to "I don't get paid enough for this shit." (The swearing has grown out of control too. The world doesn't really need a cartoon version of The Big Lebowski.) Aside from the bullshit coda, we're disappointed in Roiland & Harmon for lying to viewers in the Season 2 commentary falsely claiming "Interdimensional Cable" would be Rick & Morty's own version of "Treehouse Of Horror," an "anything goes" concept reserved for the 8th episode of each season. But instead we got "Morty's Mindblowers," a lazy dumping ground for abandoned story fragments and unripened concepts. Sadly, episodes 9 and 10 closed out season 3 with arguably their 2 worst episodes yet. The characters have all grown too developed too quickly, and it already feels like self-parody. The excitement of the S1/S2 setting seem impossible to revisit at this point. It's possible that Summer's popsicle stick is Rick & Morty's shark-jump, and everything's all but perfectly set up for a frustrating bleak journey to episode 100. We can't wait until Morty says "cunt-fucker" and Rick spends the entire episode breaking down the 4th wall even further. So edgy, guys. Prove us wrong please.
The comparisons to My Teenage Dream Ended feel most apt during "Track 10," the year's most-current / least-retro song and the heart and soul of 2017's most daring pop release. Its own song title suggests "deep cut" designation. We would not recommend playing this for the kids down the street when they sweetly ask (in a deep British accent), "Tell me, what does the new Charli XCX sound like?" If Pop 2 is Charli's Sgt Pepper, "Track 10" is its "A Day In The Life," the epic finale densely and succinctly scrolling through its own record's uncharted perimeter, exhuming its extremes, proudly lining them up all in a row. By doing so, Charli XCX earns her album title and not a moment too soon. Poptimism 2.0 seems damn good and ready for the future. Taylor, Katy, Justin and Miley are the past; it's time for fresh voices. The possibilities widen further. 
Is this a first? Both sides of Otoboke Beaver's 7-inch from 2017 are tied in the top 20. We usually prefer to separate a-sides and their respective b-sides whenever possible. Alongside a third 19-second track titled "Mean," Otoboke blasts through the Love Is Short!! EP in what feels like a singular 5 minute experience. With effortless hooks firing left and right at breakneck speed, they barely break a sweat. It's NBD. 
Poptimist music critics still refuse to admit that loud guitars existed before and after the '90s. Even now, seven years after Yuck's self-titled debut, bands like Charly Bliss - far more indebted to 2000s influence - are still receiving the "'90s-retro" tag. And while the chorus of "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" does admittedly resolve to a major key... And while we're aware that the '90s was not entirely 100% doom and gloom, Charly Bliss mixed together a blend of sweetness that simply did not exist in the '90s. Letters To Cleo, Bif Naked or sElf (in their sugariest moments) are as close as it got. Instead, try "Stacy's Mom," The Click Five's "Just A Girl," Josie And The Pussycats, early Paramore, Sum 41 (Charly would nail an "In Too Deep" cover) or "The Green Album." (NOT "The Blue Album.") It's all smiles and structural precision, directly descending from the 2000s pop explosion. Do your homework, kids. Also, every song called "Glitter" is usually amazing.
Coordinates. Rockets launching. Exploration. Mars. This record sounds amazing btw. For more information, why not check out the following...
Silent Barn has announced that its doors are closing within the next few weeks. [Note: This was written in April.] And with those sad words, we wonder "What will become of Particle Mace?" Actually we weren't thinking of Particle Mace at all until it came time to write this blurb. The arcade game that currently stands next to Silent Barn's stage will eventually end up somewhere. We think it should join Aye Nako for all of their upcoming tour dates. In "Particle Mace," Jade lays down some sick Courtney snarl. (We definitely hear way more Hole in Silver Haze than the majority of the other albums in the past 5 years that mindless bloggers have tagged with "sounds like Hole" just because it includes loud guitars and a girl singer.) Also, we started an Aye Nako interview for this very blog back in 2015 that never got finished. We plan on re-starting this Q&A at some point, but from what we remember...
Hey Twitter brats: Shit on Yeezus all you want. "Kanye's worst album," etc. It's too bad you feel that way since Post-Yeezus has been completely owning for 5 years strong. We Got It from Here... Thank You 4 Your Service, I Don't Like Shit, I Don't Go Outside, DAMN. Guess what? Those are all Post-Yeezus. And in December 2017, these records were joined by a handful of the tracks from No_one Ever Really Dies (the best N*E*R*D since In Search Of...) including album highlight "Rollinem 7s." Pharrell sounds like he's heard Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me" one too many times. 2/3s of the way through, the tempo changes, breaking into an equally dope B-section featuring some HOT purposely off-pitch mumbles. And when the original A-section returns, there's Andre 3000 adding some extra frosting on the cake. It's not like 3 Stacks was needed to make the song any better, but let's not forget Rule #1: When Andre is down to throw in a bonus verse, you ALWAYS say "YES."
Hüsker Who? (Just kidding. Their extremely large boxed set from last September was pretty dope, and we still haven't heard the whole thing yet.) Xetas are a rare modern punk trio combining necessary monster riffs and pummeling abrasion with extended epic pop structure. "The Gaze" sonically nails unending frustration with street harassment, a social epidemic as old as time that realistically won't disappear within our lifetime, but could seriously benefit from a severe beat down. The pist vox tag-team of Kana and David reserve their energies for the individual moments of attack. Raw is war.
The realest pop record of 2017 did not pander to iHeartRadio's data research and inadvertently exposed how heavily the machine relies on big press campaigns backed with major label dollars. A decade after Nelly Furtado followed the 3rd biggest song of 2006 with the 9th biggest song of 2007, her 2017 album completely missed out on the Billboard 200 albums chart with zero charting singles and failed to appear on any blog's end of year list. It's almost as if she was trying to sneak under the radar, like she craved anonymity while still creating art the way she wanted to. It's possible that she didn't want to be a star anymore. Either way, the lack of support this album received from blogs and end-of-year lists might be the ultimate example of how broken the music business is.
Aside from Dopesmoker, EW's Dopethrone LP from 2000 is probably the heaviest and most brutal stoner metal record of all time. A half-dozen albums later, they are less brutal but more melodic, entering a post-Uncle Acid stoner landscape sludgier and sleazier than ever. Less shouting and more notes. A few reviewers noted that Electric Wizard "brought the fun back" to stoner metal? Whoever said this probably hasn't heard Blood Lust, but we sense some influence. Stoner metal is inherently largely indebted to late '60s culture as it is, so the best way to indulge this might be re-imagining The White Album as a proto-metal record. 
We know the picture shown here is of Bobby from Twin Peaks, but instead we wanna talk about Sean Astin who played Bob in the 2nd season of Stranger Things. The evolution of Sean Astin is an anomaly among Hollywood trajectories. In the mid '80s, he appeared in a "celebrity" episode of I'm Telling, a game show that was essentially The Newlywed Game for siblings. The weird thing about this episode is that he appeared as the sibling of Mackenzie Astin from The Facts of Life. He wasn't on the show promoting anything, so this happened either before his then-signature prepubescent role starring in beloved 1985 blockbuster The Goonies, or the episode happened so long after Goonies premiered that he was no longer considered famous. Either way, it took until 1992 before his next prominent role co-starring with Pauly Shore and Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. Instead of using this opportunity to ride the momentum, he once again stayed quiet, sporadically appearing in low stakes indie films like the romcom Dish Dogs circa 2000. He was then granted a new signature role via the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, more or less cementing his legacy. He was no longer the leader of The Goonies. But once again, he chose not to capitalize on his momentum, staying quiet once again for over a decade until Season 2 of Stranger Things this past Fall. We suspect he will continue these occasional appearances, probably waiting another seven years before starring in anything else. We figured "Bobby" is probably about Sean Astin's role as Bob from Stranger Things and the t-shirt they sell at Target that says "Bob is the new Barb." Or maybe it's about Bobby from Twin Peaks and his relationship to Major Briggs. That is also a possibility.
"Hey jerk, you're not supposed to put 2016 songs in a 2017 list." Okay, well we did. We admittedly don't stay sharp with charting country music, and we occasionally allow our end-of-year lists to grant backdated one-year extensions in extreme circumstances like Maren Morris' Hero LP, despite that she performed "80s Mercedes" (and "My Church") on an episode of SNL from mid-December 2016. [Note: We just searched for about an hour and were unable to locate any photos of John Cena with Maren Morris at SNL aside from 
One of Merle Haggard's final shows was playing Riot Fest Chicago in September 2015 - not the greatest venue for the last time many would hear him sing "Silver Wings," unless you actually WANTED to hear the insane noise pollution of 2 or 3 other side-stages of punk and alternative bands intruding in the distance - bands like GWAR, The Dead Milkmen, Babes In Toyland and Faith No More. Recorded at Omaha's legendary ARC Studios, David Nance's cover attempts to harness this insanity, carefully layering drops of acids over the surfaces of bases. Immediately from its lovely intro chords, the combination bulges intensely; by the time the guitar solo slithers over the brim and oozes from its pores, we realize he's created an uncontrollable monster sonically twice-removed from 
The Impossible Dream LP sounds like a "best of power-pop" mix CD someone might have burned for themselves in the early 2000s. It starts with a Nerves song. Then there's an Elvis Costello song ("Ruby"), a Ramones song ("Judy," 
Of course she spits hot fire on the mic. Of course she's a good rapper. Based on her one verse in "Lemon" (among the most underrated of 2017), she is already as good or better than 99% of current viral Soundcloud rappers. This should not have been a surprise since she can apparently do anything really well (including attaching her name to a brand of lipstick that seemingly every lipstick-wearing person has universally praised as the greatest of all time). She should probably consider following Anti with a Watch The Throne-style Rihanna & Pharrell collaborative rap LP (since a huge part of the reason why she sounds so dope is chemistry under Pharrell's direction). Not to stir up "Lemon" vs Lemonade debates, which seem almost impossible to avoid, but Beyonce can't rap (and Anti is still album of the decade by our count).
There's some serious darkness and desperation in "Hey Jealousy," strengthened within one of the song's final lyrics, "Hey jealousy, she took my heart..." Doug Hopkins saving his open-ended lyric for the end doesn't seem too far off from Alex G's "If I fuck up..." closing out "Proud." There are no other words to the song. That's just how it ends. It's the year's most gigantic self-doubting open-ended lyric of 2017. The true heart-sinker. What if we all fuck up? What if everyone tweets all of their tweet drafts right now? Will we all spontaneously combust? Is "combust" even a word? We can't remember the last time (if ever) that an artist had two songs in our top 10 without also placing in our top 10 albums. Yeah, it was THAT kind of year...
Infinite timelines; infinite possibilities. In 30-40 years, after Rick Sanchez's portal guns and interdimensional cable boxes become top sellers at Warget (the forthcoming Walmart/Target hybrid), back issues of Billboard from 2017 should reveal that we live in the only timeline when "Bring It Back" wasn't as ubiquitous as "Shape Of You," which would have probably annoyed just as many people. In those timelines, "weird" did not spend the past two decades slowly dissolving out of existence. Until turning 20 this past August, Lil Yachty labelled himself on social media as "King Of The Teens." Teens are supposed to be weird and awkward, and so Yachty's genuine, youthfully naive strangeness unintentionally adds to his brand. Sound familiar? Aside from Lil B, he might be the most infamously "outsider" artist to emerge from the trap era, and "Bring It Back" might be the best example. A Frankenstein hybrid, "Bring It Back" cherry picks from the past 40 years of pop history combining moments that have almost no right to be standing next to each other. 808s and Heartbreak initially sets the tone, while Phil Collins' gated tom fills and Chic's upper octave rhythm guitar make way for Miami Vice's epic sax solo. Yachty is calling "Bring it back!" to a time that never existed, removing a contextual rose-colored gel from the lens. 